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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23853619">Things We Lost in the Fire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyFilippelli/pseuds/AshleyFilippelli'>AshleyFilippelli</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Things We Lost in the Fire [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Better Call Saul (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action/Adventure, Bisexual Male Character, Coping, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Rare Pairings, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Steamy, Suspense, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 12:07:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>58,999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23853619</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyFilippelli/pseuds/AshleyFilippelli</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim and Nacho's mistakes lead to their worlds falling apart all around them. The only option left is a complete reset.</p><p>Or "How I'm making sure these two survive through the final season."</p><p>STORY UPDATE/PREVIEW IN CHAPTER 14</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eduardo "Lalo" Salamanca/Ignacio "Nacho" Varga, Ignacio "Nacho" Varga/Kim Wexler, Jimmy McGill | Saul Goodman/Kim Wexler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Things We Lost in the Fire [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue Part I: Things We've Lost to the Flame</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Starting off with a bang (literally), and killing off a major character, cuz why not....</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>“There's an albatross around your neck,</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>All the things you've said,</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>And the things you've done,</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>Can you carry it with no regrets?</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>Can you stand the person you've become?”</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>- Bastille, <em>The Weight of Living</em></p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Prologue: Things We’ve Lost to the Flame</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The call that confirmed Lalo Salamanca’s assassination did not sit well with Mike from the start.</p>
<p>His unease further upswelled at the lack of an update on Varga’s status from either the team they sent or Ignacio himself over the next few days. It exploded into a critical mass today when Fring was able to send a recon team to confirm the initial report and the two unaccounted for bodies were…</p>
<p>Lalo Salamanca and Ignacio Varga.</p>
<p>Had he not heard word of this from Victor, he might not have switched the bulky police scanner on in his Buick and learned of a shooting going on Southeast Zuni Road. Recognizing the address and who it was connected to, Mike scowled and threw his car into gear.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s got a gun to my father’s head.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Not anymore.</p>
<p>Relying purely on his knowledge of Salamanca’s flair for the dramatic, Mike made one last attempt to intercept whatever was left of Nacho Varga.</p>
<p>He was genuinely surprised that he beat them to Varga’s house, slipping in through an unlocked patio door with only his strung-out girlfriends blankly watching TV there to meet him. Mike shushed them as he slipped a silencer onto the nose of his pistol and made his way to wait in the bathroom just down the hall from Varga’s bedroom.</p>
<p>He didn’t have to wait long.</p>
<p>The front door was kicked open and a distinctive voice belted out a greeting to Varga’s roommates.</p>
<p>“Ladies! Come join me for a bonfire! I think you’ll recognize the guest of honor!”</p>
<p>Gasps, scuffling, and then frantic steps out the front door.</p>
<p>“Ah, Nachito! They don’t want to party!”</p>
<p>Lalo reverted to singing merrily in Spanish, swaying as he walked down the long hallway to the master bedroom. Through the cracked bathroom door, Mike saw the toe of Ignacio’s boots scrape the wall from swagger of the man carrying him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Quién será la que me de su amor, Quién será, quién será</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yo no sé si la podré encontrar, Yo no sé, yo no sé</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closed his eyes to take a deep breath and waited. Waited for Salamanca’s theatrics to clue him on whether he would be desecrating a corpse or further torturing Varga before finally killing him.</p>
<p>Mike knew it was the latter when Lalo’s singing halted and he slammed Varga into the bed so hard that the headboard cracked into the wall. He crept from his hiding spot towards Salamanca’s low hissing and Varga’s quiet panting.</p>
<p>“… you can earn you name, Ignacio! It’s simple really. I’ll burn every part of you I can without killing you. However long that takes, I don’t care, we’ve got all the time in the world.”</p>
<p>Salamanca’s towering frame blanketed Ignacio’s, pinning the entirety of his beaten body down with his weight. His bloody left leg was weakly kicking for purchase on the ground while the right was splayed out wide by Lalo’s hips. Salamanca had both hands wrapped around Ignacio’s throat, not choking, just keeping him still. The threats spewed out from behind Lalo’s signature smirk while Varga clawed at the lapels of his button-up with bound hands.</p>
<p>“We’ll keep your handsome face intact, Mijo, don’t worry. I want you to see what your backstabbing did to your Papi one last time before we end the fun.”</p>
<p>Varga’s numb façade fractured into one of raw despair and Salamanca cackled like a hyena when he let out a small sob.</p>
<p>“Not so tough now, are you, Nachito? Let’s bring the old man in-“</p>
<p> Salamanca stood and turned to make his way to his car outside and came face-to face with the muzzle of a gun.</p>
<p>“Not gonna happen.”, Mike drawled.</p>
<p>He pulled the trigger. Lalo hit the floor not a second later. He bent down to check for a pulse, more to distance himself before facing the shaking young man behind him than to ensure that the bullet to the head had killed him.</p>
<p>Thoughts of Matty were secured in a safe in the back of his head as he stood and turned.</p>
<p>“Ignacio…”</p>
<p>Nacho had turned on his side, away from him, and revealed torn flesh and welts on the entirety of his back through the tattered remains of the back of his shirt. While he’s certain the injury burns like hell, Mike knows that’s not why he’s curled in on himself on his left side.</p>
<p>“Nacho… what hurts, talk to me.”</p>
<p>Other than a pained groan and moving to press his face more into the sheets, Varga doesn’t respond. Mike rolls him onto his back to slice through the ropes around his wrists. The discoloration on his face from exposure to the elements and deep bruising in now glaring. He zeroes in on the weird way Nacho is holding his right leg. Lalo was undoubtedly intentionally pressing it wide as he pinned Varga down.</p>
<p>Varga only stares at the ceiling and works his jaw while his hands are cut free. The oozing blood and discharge tells Mike he’d had his arms secured like that for a full day at least. Everything about his demeanor screams that he’s a wounded animal resigned to be picked apart by buzzards.</p>
<p>As he calls Dr. Caldera to get prepared for a patient, he locks the safe in his mind in a vault just in case.</p>
<p>“…yeah, I’m looking at best some torn muscles, at worst a dislocated hip, lots of cuts, some of them are pretty deep, serious dehydration and sunburn, it looks like he’s been dragged behind a vehicle…”</p>
<p>Mike is instructed to sit Nacho up to confirm the dislocation and once he does, the way his leg twists in makes it obvious that is what happened.</p>
<p>“Christ…”, he prods the bulge of Nacho’s displaced femur as the doctor continues with further instructions, gauging for any kind of reaction.</p>
<p>Varga continues to do nothing but tremble imperceptibly, biting his lip as tears escape his clenched shut eyes.</p>
<p>“Just let me die.” He rasps brokenly.</p>
<p>Mike’s reaction is delayed since he was hanging up with Caldera at the moment Nacho made his plea, but he still collected himself to grasp the collar of his shirt and deliver a backhand.</p>
<p>The vault and the safe he thought he’d secured both fly open at once.</p>
<p>“You do not get to give up.”, he barks.</p>
<p>Nacho’s stare is neutral but contains none of his usual intensity or confidence as Mike holds his head in place.</p>
<p>“Your father did not get shot full of holes by this degenerate for you do lay here crying while waiting for Fring to find you and put you down like the dog he thinks you are. Goddamn you, your life still has meaning!”</p>
<p>As Mike’s voice rises, he realizes this speech is just as much for him as it is for Nacho. He releases his grip on Varga’s chin to stand and pace before him</p>
<p>“You have to live. Whether it’s to avenge your father or to start a family and live a normal average life. Doesn’t matter, just do something with the fact that Lalo Salamanca got a bullet between the eyes and didn’t burn you alive.”</p>
<p>Varga found his voice when he paused to kick the still bleeding body on the marble floors.</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve to…”</p>
<p>Mike stooped to Nacho’s eye level to cut him off.</p>
<p>“So earn it.”</p>
<p>He pivoted towards the walk-in closet where he (somehow) knew Nacho’s safe was.</p>
<p>“Combination?”</p>
<p>Nacho drops his hand from the back of his neck with a sob, rasping out the numbers after a beat. He allows his hands to fall limp in his lap and dips his head to allow the tears to roll towards his hairline instead of flowing across his chapped and cracked lips. Mike emerges throwing the last of his valuables from the safe and some plain shirts and pants into a duffle bag.</p>
<p>Nacho watches the old man’s clean shoes make their way to stand in front of his bloodied boots through blurred vision. The duffle bag hits the floor to the left and Mike lowers down to one knee before him.</p>
<p>“We’re expected on the northeast side by the doctor that stitched up your gunshot wounds. He won’t be making any snide comments about why you’re gracing his presence again.”</p>
<p>No response. Nacho didn’t even look up. With a sigh, Mike grabbed the duffle and stood to his full height.</p>
<p>“I have a very good idea of what you’re going through. And believe it or not, the best and only thing you can do right now is keep moving. You need to take that first step.”</p>
<p>An involuntary sound escaped Varga’s throat as he willed himself to lift his head. Mike bit into his bottom lip to contain his reaction to the broken shell of a person that looked back up at him with bloodshot eyes and a quivering lip.</p>
<p>His final offering of support was in the form of outstretching his hand.</p>
<p>“C’mon, we gotta keep weight off that leg right now.”</p>
<p>Still reeling, wishing he were dead and unsure of his ability to even put one foot in front of the other, Nacho extended a shaking arm and clasped the hand before him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Prologue Part II: Things We'll Never See Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Prologue Part II</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everyone, I'm killing off another main character in a spectacular fashion. Please enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>"If we're only ever looking back,</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>We will drive ourselves insane,</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>As the friendship goes, resentment grows,</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong>
      <em>We will walk our different ways."</em>
    </strong>
  </p>
  <p>- Bastille, <em>Bad Blood</em></p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>
  <em>Prologue Part II: Things We’ll Never See Again</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Her phone ringing forced Kim out of the borderline catatonic state she’d been trapped in. Her car was backed into a parking spot that faced a bar on Albuquerque’s west side, giving her an inconspicuous view of the TV above the taps. The fidgeting state she’d been trapped in while anxiously waiting for the 9pm news evaporated once her suspicions were confirmed.</p><p>She had to actively focus on uncurling her hands from around the steering wheel to reach for her phone in the console.</p><p>
  <em>“HEY! Where are you? I know you said dinner would be late because of you pro-bono stuff, but it’s coming up on 10pm and I can only pretend to be a gentlemen for so-“</em>
</p><p>“Wexler and McGill, thirty minutes.”</p><p>
  <em>“I- what? Kim, what are you talking about?”</em>
</p><p>“Just be there. Thirty minutes.”</p><p>
  <em>“…Kim, honey, what did you do?”</em>
</p><p>Kim’s throat made an involuntary croaking sound as she reigned herself in from saying too much over the phone.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”, she managed to blurt before hanging up.</p><p>She pulled the battery out of her phone with shaking hands and pocketing them in her sweatpants. The shaking got even worse as she slipped a black beanie over her head and hastily tucked her hair into it. Kim forced herself to squeeze the steering wheel in time with her breaths until she was able reduce her trembling. Before she lost what little control she had amassed, she grabbed her duffel from the back and stepped out of her car, beginning the three mile trek to their old building.</p><p>Jimmy had already arrived by the time she got there. He sat in his rental car, lips twisted to one side as he bites his cheek in a signature look of concern. He wordlessly offers Kim an already lit cigarette when she slides into the passenger seat. Clearly, he wants her to hurry up and get to the point.</p><p>“Howard’s dead.”, she says after taking a puff.</p><p>“Because…”</p><p>“It was an accident.”</p><p>Kim knows that’s not what he wants to hear.</p><p>“And…. I did it. I killed him.”</p><p>She nods weakly at the dashboard following her confession. Jimmy lights his own cigarette with an exasperated sigh.</p><p>“Did anybody see you?”, he begins, casually propping his cigarette-holding arm in the rolled down window.</p><p>Clinical, distant, treating her like a client.</p><p>“His maid. She was coming out the front when it happened. She would not stop screaming…”</p><p>“Okay, not to be crass but… any reason you let the maid live? Given that, you know, she saw you kill someone?”</p><p>“I had no way to.”</p><p>She senses rather than sees him turn his body toward her to focus more intently on her profile.</p><p>“What was the murder weapon?”</p><p>“Jimmy, what you need to understand is that I had no intention of harming him. It was all just to rile you up and get you excited in sabotaging Howard again. I knew getting him on your ass again would do it. You just need a little push.”</p><p>Kim knew her features were schooled enough to finally met his eyes with a neutral stare.</p><p>“He told me about the bowling balls to his Jaguar way after the fact, so obviously he’s not going to report you. I figured a second act would light a fire under both of your asses… but after the first ball, he was coming out and ready for a confrontation. He started to open the gate and it startled me so my grip slipped.”</p><p>Jimmy lets out a humorless laugh and slumps into his seat.</p><p>“You went over there to frame me for further property damage… and ended up caving Howard’s head in with a bowling bowl?”</p><p>“I think… it’s more likely that his neck snapped.”</p><p>Jimmy flicks the cigarette out of the window and rests his hands folded into a prayer against his lips. Kim clenches her own cigarette between her teeth and tucks stray hairs back into her beanie, waiting for his verdict.</p><p>“Even in making my biggest mistake while in this game, I still saved two people from certain death…”</p><p>She swallows and closes her eyes, bracing for a detailed analysis of how much this mistake has cost them.</p><p>“You have to disappear.”</p><p>Jimmy pauses for a beat, expecting her to try and reason with him. Kim waits for him to continue.</p><p>“You killed the CEO of a high-profile, multi-billion dollar law firm. Even if you’re only charged with second degree murder, you will get the maximum sentence. Period. That’s 20 years hard time. And I know even you can’t negotiate with some of the psychopaths that run these places for that long. There are just as many of them in women’s prison.”</p><p>Begrudgingly, Kim agrees. But she keeps it to herself.</p><p>“It’s not like I can talk you out of this one an-“</p><p>“I don’t need you to save me, Jimmy.”, she interrupts tartly.</p><p>His only acknowledgement that he struck a nerve was to lower his hands and fix his worried scowl on her.</p><p>“As I was saying, even if I want to entertain the hopeless task of defending you against a murder charge, I can’t be in any way associated with this. It’s bad enough he’s dead by an MO that’s tied to me.”</p><p>“What? No, Jimmy, the maid saw me. Trust me, I stood there shocked long enough for her to clearly see it was a woman, not a man. Howard didn’t tell anyone about what you did-“</p><p>“Howard may have been against pressing charges at the time, but it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have complained or told the story to someone who was interested in what happened to his spiffy little Jaguar. He told you what happened, didn’t he? To try and sway you into seeing I’m nothing but trouble?”</p><p>Kim bit her lip and turned to face the passenger door, arms crossed.</p><p>“Kim, it’s very likely that I’ll be more of a suspect than you in this, at least at first. My rocky relationship with Howard and the previous property damage… it all points to me.”</p><p>Kim puffed out a plume of smoke to mask her breath hitching.</p><p>“I have clients that wouldn’t hesitate to take me out of the picture if they have even an inkling of a suspicion that I might inform on them for a plea deal. Salamanca knows you are my wife. Which means the rest of the cartel knows too. You’re a loose end.”</p><p>Jimmy’s voice cracked during the last sentence. She was glad he was the first one to break at the despairing domino effect of her actions. He waited for her to turn back to him before he continued.</p><p>“I have to create as much distance between us as possible. Report you missing. Play the role of a husband that’s completely in the dark. Leave concerned messages on your phone once I get home. Mention that you suddenly quit your job and complained that Howard harassed you at the courthouse….”</p><p>“There’s a security camera inside the gate.”, Kim supplied helpfully after a beat.</p><p>“I’m probably on it. You can see my hair under the beanie…”</p><p>Jimmy sighed and reached for her hand across the console.</p><p>“Then what was the point of even wearing it?”</p><p>“What exactly entails me disappearing? Is there a safehouse I’ll be staying at or…?”</p><p>He excepts her deflection and reaches into the back seat, pulling out two burner phones. The one he hands her is unopened. He quickly dials a number on his own phone.</p><p>“I know a guy. He owes me a favor.”</p><p>He reached for her hand again and Kim accepted it with a squeeze. She only half-listened to his side of explaining their situation, allowing herself to be a passenger for the set up of her immediate future. The phone snapped shut and Jimmy’s other hand guided her gaze away from the dashboard towards him. He pulled her in for what she realized may very well be their last kiss. She squeezes his hand tighter as they tenderly explore each other’s mouths.</p><p>Jimmy’s crestfallen expression shifts back to businesslike in the time it takes him to shift back into the driver’s seat.</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>He buckles his seatbelt and shifts the car into gear.</p><p>“He gave me an address to meet him at, ASAP. He also asked about your bedside manner.”</p><p>Kim let’s her imagination run wild at what that could possibly mean as they make their way toward I-25.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. All That We Have Amassed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kim realizes just how serious her situation is. Nacho struggles to feel anything in the wake of his father's murder.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kim absurdly assumed that when they pulled up to the back of an unfinished equine hospital that she was going to be shot and made into glue. It didn’t help her nerves to see a person already laying on an examination table from the open door. She looked over at Jimmy discreetly as she took her time stepping out of the car and slipping her duffle bag over her shoulder. He was already walking expectantly towards the men at the table.</p><p>“Mike, talk to me.”, Jimmy announced his presence as he leaned coolly against the barn door. Kim quickly made her way to his side.</p><p>Mike, a weathered-looking bald man, squeezed the shoulder of the person laying on the table before making his way toward them.</p><p>“Kimberly, I presume…”</p><p>“Yes. Kimberly Wexler.”, she said with as much confidence as she could and offered Mike her hand.</p><p>He regarded her blankly before pointing his thumb behind him.</p><p>“Yeah, work on not providing that so readily to strangers. Caldera could use your help.”</p><p>Kim homed in on the man on the table to brush off his callous dismissal of her involvement in her own escape plan. She bit her lip and took several calming breaths as she approached what had to be Caldera, stitching a gash on the man’s leg.</p><p>“Anything I can do?”, she asked as she dropped her duffle on the ground by the table.</p><p>“Yes…”, Caldera replied thoughtfully as he tied off the last of the sutures and begin wrapping the leg with gauze.</p><p>“I’m going to grab the wand with the camera to see if he tore his labrum in the dislocation. I need him held on his left side.”</p><p>Kim’s eyes shifted up from where the doctor was working to take in the rest of the man. His right leg was being supported by rolled up towels on either side. Hints of cuts, sunburned and bruised skin were visible through the tattered remains of his blazer. He worries chapped and cracked lips while looking blankly at a wall. Her breath hitches as her eyes travel back down his body and she registers the heavily bandaged wrists crossed over his stomach.</p><p>“Can you come over to this side?”</p><p>Kim blinks and looks up to the doctor with a nod as he hands her some latex gloves. The man flicks his bloodshot eyes over to her as she moves to his left side.</p><p>“If you snake your right arm under his shoulder- yes like that. And reach over to his right side… pull him towards you. That’s great, keep him right there, the hips are stacked perfectly. I’ll be as quick as I can.”</p><p>She focuses on his battered face. She doesn’t want to think about the welts and sores she can feel across his back, about the scope the doctor is prodding into his limp right leg.</p><p>“What’s your name?”</p><p>It comes out labored, her legs are beginning to shake from half-squating to support his frame.</p><p>“He’s on a bunch of painkillers and antibiotics right now, I don’t expe-“</p><p>“Ignacio.”</p><p>Kim hears a faint Latin accent in his rasped reply. He plants a hand on the padding to lessen the load for her.</p><p>“Thank you, Ignacio.”</p><p>“Are you a… bank robber?”</p><p>Kim’s lip quirks up in a tiny smile when remembers she’s in all black and still has a beanie on.</p><p>“Okay, got it, ease him back down. The cartilage isn’t torn, we can pop this back in place.”</p><p>Ignacio’s thousand-yard stare returned while she and Caldera positioned themselves to reset his leg. Kim sat halfway off the table by his head so she could lean over his torso and press his hips down with her weight.</p><p>“Hopefully this works. I’ve only ever done this on horses…”</p><p>Horrified by this comment, Kim starts talking to him again.</p><p>“Ignacio, you’re going to be okay. We’re almost done.”, she says matter-of-factly.</p><p>She moves her fingers in a soothing motion on his sides as Caldera stands on the table for more leverage. Right as she brushes against raised scar tissue, his hand reaches up and wraps around her wrist, halting her movements.</p><p>“Keep talking to him. You’re way better than those creepy twins that helped last time.”</p><p>Kim is in the middle of coaching his breathing when the doctor suddenly rotates the leg outward and pulls it toward his chest at the same time. There’s a loud crack as the bone pops into the hip socket. She let’s out a breath at the sound, but Ignacio only swallows and blinks.</p><p>To anyone else, it might look like he’s just a tough guy. But because Kim can feel him squeezing her hand with a quaking arm, she thinks it’s because he’s been trained to suffer in silence.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Jimmy had already been dismissed to establish his alibi and collect cash for her to have on hand by the time Ignacio’s leg had been reset. After glancing up briefly and realizing he was gone, she went right back to helping the doctor. She told herself it was to ease Ignacio’s ordeal of being treated in the back of an under-construction veterinary hospital.</p><p>It was mainly to avoid eye contact with Mike as he studied her from afar.</p><p>She was already out of her element, assisting in medical procedures for what she assumed was a victim of cartel violence. Dealing with the judgements of Jimmy’s hitman associate seemed impossible to stomach right now.</p><p>Caldera casually mentioned that he’d get his hands on some crutches and salve for Ignacio when he left after bandaging his back. Kim felt a twinge of indignation that he hadn’t even bothered to dress Ignacio. His blazer was unsalvageable and his pants had been cut off to be able to access his leg without further injuring it. She sighed as she yanked her beanie off and tossed it into her duffle.</p><p>“Ignacio, you’d probably like a shirt, right?”</p><p>A long pause that consisted of him slowly turning his head to fix her with a glassy-eyed stare followed.</p><p>“Si, por favor.”</p><p>She pursed her lips and turned to face Mike. He looked from her to the duffle bag next to him that she assumed contained a change of clothes with raised eyebrows.</p><p>“How well do you think you can pull off being a brunette?”</p><p>“Uh, I actually haven’t given it much thought, Mike.”</p><p>He hums and she mercifully finds a button up for Ignacio soon after. He sits up as she approaches and slowly maneuvers his arms into the sleeves, wincing ever-so-slightly.</p><p>“My daughter-in-law is about your height. I’ll bring some of her old clothes she’s been meaning donate and the at-home hair dye she uses.”</p><p>Kim nods in acknowledgement as she buttons the shirt. Ignacio lays back down and looks away from her. Her distraction checking out for the night, Kim turns to face Mike again.</p><p>“I don’t suppose it goes without saying that you don’t make calls on the burner phone? You wait to hear from me or McGill.”</p><p>She nods curtly.</p><p>“I’d like to know how I’m expected to go on the run with a severely injured man in tow with me. He’s in no state to do anything but rest right now.”</p><p>Another dismissive hum.</p><p>“Nacho’s been through far worse, trust me. If you have his back, he’ll have yours.”</p><p>The nickname rings a bell. Her brows furrow in thought.</p><p>“Wait… that’s…”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He’s a bad guy, Kim. He didn’t kidnap the Kettlemans but he’s a VERY bad guy.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Nacho Varga? That’s him?”</p><p>Mike squints at her sudden disdain for Varga.</p><p>“I saw you going toe-to-toe with Salamanca. You even went to visit him in county as a legal representative. And you’re just now learning who Ignacio is? He was Lalo’s lieutenant and confidant.”</p><p>“You-you want me to cart around an incapacitated cartel snitch while I’m wanted for-“</p><p>“He is not a snitch!”</p><p>Mike slams his fist into the counter as he cuts her off.</p><p>“You don’t know shit, Wexler. You think you’re having a bad day…. It’s not even comparable.”</p><p>Kim gulps at his angry timbre and looks back towards Ignacio. He’s finally succumbed to the drugs, looking more broken and exhausted than ever. Her arms cross in preparation as she turns to face Mike again. The point-by-point breakdown of the direness of her situation and the stupidity of her mistake is now upon her.</p><p>“Being in the game, killing someone…. Doesn’t make you a hotshot. You’re smart, I’ll give you that, but Varga’s been doing this far longer than you and he knows what to look for. Work together, play off each other and help each other.”</p><p>“Okay, so… what’s the plan? We can’t just hang out here in an animal hospital forever?”, she asks in exasperation.</p><p>Mike walks over to Nacho’s duffle and reaches into an outside pocket, flashing the two IDs he stored in there at her.</p><p>Canadian identification cards. Manitoba to be exact. Mike’s only option is for them to make a break for another country.</p><p>She truly may never see Jimmy again…</p><p>“Interestingly enough, he’s the reason you two have any chance of getting out of suddenly being on the radar of the Juarez Cartel and the boss in town.”</p><p>She uses moving to sit down by Nacho as a cover to wipe a tear that escaped her eye.</p><p>“You give yourself a makeover and I’ll work on altering this second ID card, sound good?”</p><p>Kim nods from her spot on the floor by Nacho’s bedside. She lowers herself to pillow her head on her duffle while Mike flips the lights off.</p><p>“Whatever you’re going through right now, whatever problems you’re not dealing with… you can’t keep babying him to play pretend that this isn’t happening. He won’t let you.”</p><p>The wooden door slides shut and locks with a thud, leaving her alone with her thoughts and her mysterious travel buddy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sits Before Us, Shattered Into Ash</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Nacho finds a new purpose in their situation. Kim embraces her new identity in the face of Mike's risky plan.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*whispers into mic* I know literally nothing about how making/editing fake IDs work and how to dye your hair at home. I did my best, do not @ meeeee</p><p>*Nacho is a downer in this chapter, heads up if scenes of violence and depressed/suicidal thoughts bother you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nacho has been hovering on the precipice of consciousness for a while by the time the sun rises. He knows he should wake up to observe his surroundings, take stock of his injuries, hydrate and tackle the second worst day of his life. To absolutely no one’s surprise, he’s dreading it.</p><p>He wonders way he even listened to Mike. He should have just laid there in his bedroom turned crime scene and waited for one of Fring’s goons to put him out of his misery. Nacho genuinely doesn’t know where he found the strength to limp to the old man’s car.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your life still has meaning.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Whatever the fuck that means.</p><p>He soldiers up and breaks through the surface of sleep. He takes deep breaths as he drums his fingers on to the surface that he’s laying on. It’s some kind of padded surface and he realizes he’s not wearing pants because the material is sticking to the back of his knee</p><p>As he’s trying to narrow down all the places Mike could have taken him to get his leg set, he registers a hand on his arm and something wet on his collarbone.</p><p>Nacho’s eyes fly open. He HAS to make sure he’s not back <em>there </em>again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Domingo and the other guys had already left after the last poker game.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’s had too much to drink and is desperately trying to sober up on the leather sofa. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lalo is sitting way too close to him, looming.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Were you ever properly thanked for taking a bullet for my family?”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, he’s sitting up and more alert than he’s even been in his entire life.</p><p>“Sorry! I know it’s cold but I figured you’d want that blood off of you sooner rather than later.”, the woman speaking holds up a soiled alcohol wipe as an explanation.</p><p>Nacho catches his breath as he sizes her up. She’s very calm and her face is neutral despite his sudden outburst, now standing at a respectful distance from him. Her blonde hair is loosely gathered in a bun and she’s in all black from her boots to her baseball tee.</p><p>He vaguely remembers asking her if she was a bank robber and her helping him put on his shirt</p><p>“Where are we? Who are you?”</p><p>“We’re at an equine hospital off Tramway Boulevard on the northeast side. My name is Kim.”</p><p>“So what, you’re the one the gringo vet sends to tend to me now?”</p><p>She sighs and clasps her hands in front of her before speaking in a very matter-of-fact way.</p><p>“No, Ignacio. I’m in a very similar situation as you and Mike thought it would be best if we worked together.</p><p>Nacho snorts a bitter laugh.</p><p>“I seriously doubt you’re in as much shit as I am.”</p><p>He quirks a humorless smile at her and she raises an eyebrow in response.</p><p>“Okay, short version. If I don’t disappear two things will happen. I’ll either spend the next 20 years in max for murder or my and my husband’s lives are endangered by my actions because of our connections to the Juarez Cartel.”</p><p>Nacho leans back on one arm, reeling, trying to figure out how this calculating looking woman got tied up with the same horrible family that he did.</p><p>“Well then…”</p><p>Kim moves toward her duffle after a beat. She offers him several packets of single use alcohol wipes.</p><p>“Clean up what you can and I’ll grab a pair of pants. We can play 20 questions and get on the same page over the food Mike brought us.”</p><p>He’s fine with that. The less uncomfortable they are while learning each other’s tragic backstories the better. She hands him a pair of pants and makes him aware of the crutches that are on the far end of what he now knows is an operating table for horses.</p><p>“Nothing’s broken though, right?”, he asks as he swings his legs over the side, immediately noticing that the right is slightly numb.</p><p>“No, your hip was dislocated and we were able to pop it back in place. We just have to make sure you’re not turning the leg in or out too much when walking and it should be fine.”</p><p>She says she’s going to find a bathroom, but he suspects it’s to give him the dignity of finishing cleaning and dressing himself. Again, he’s fine with that.</p><p>Kim already wiped his legs clean of blood so he didn’t have to stoop and pull the muscles of his already throbbing back taut. He unbuttoned his shirt and began wiping from the waist up on autopilot. He jerked out of his reverie when he got to his face. It stung horribly from about the lips up. He knew about the injuries and damage to his back, but he hadn’t looked in a mirror in god knows how long.</p><p>Nacho slipped his boots on that were at the end of the table with the crutches, not skipping a beat to use a wipe to scrub as much blood off as he could. He plants his feet and uses the crutches to maneuver himself into a standing position. He slowly makes his way to the one sink in the back of the room, hyper focusing on the feeling and position of his right leg with each step.</p><p>Even though he’s using a metal paper towel dispenser as a mirror, he can still see that Lalo did a number on him. The sunburn isn’t as bad as when Tyrus and Victor left him in the desert, but all the other marks on his face and chest make up for it.</p><p>There are several bruises on the left side of his face (from when Lalo would lose his temper during the ride back to Albuquerque), but they can be concealed by sunglasses or a hat. He thinks the split parts of his lip are from Lalo hitting him from the driver’s seat as well, but he really doesn’t want to dwell on it right now.</p><p>Nacho’s knows he’s lucky that most of the cuts and bruises can be hidden by a shirt, even though it doesn’t feel that way. Kim makes her return known as he’s dabbing at the chaffed skin that stretches from the corners of his mouth to his ears.</p><p>“Caldera left us some salve he had on hand for sunburns and chaffing. It’s mainly for your back, but he said it can’t hurt to try in on your face as well.”</p><p>Nacho nods in agreement, thankful that Kim opts for stating facts instead of commenting on his fragile emotional state. He heads back to the table to get situated and she meets him there with the salve and an old cooler. She sets both in between them, a physical reminder to keep her distance.</p><p>“No way… that bitter old man made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”</p><p>Kim does muster a tiny smile at the disbelief in his voice.</p><p>“How old does he think we are?”</p><p>“How old are you, really?”, she seizes the opportunity Nacho provided to get right to the point.</p><p>“31.”</p><p>“I just turned 36.”</p><p>A beat of silence. Nacho takes his turn to ask a question.</p><p>“Who did you kill to make you fear that the cartel will come for you and your husband?”</p><p>Kim sighs and reaches into a bag of grapes, plucking a few off and then twisting the stems.</p><p>“It’s uh, not anyone directly connected to the cartel. But this man that I- I killed was- is a high-profile lawyer in the area and so his murder is going to be taken very seriously.”</p><p>“Why did you kill him?”, Nacho asks, eyes narrowing as he waits for her response.</p><p>Her slight wince of embarrassment clues him in that she’s disgusted with herself and his shoulders relax away from his ears.</p><p>“He was a former business partner and rival of my husband and I. I wanted to sabotage his career but Jimmy was hesitant about it so I was trying to get them both at each other’s throats again.”</p><p>She pops a grape in her mouth for some time to compose herself. Nacho has rapidly connected the dots and is watching her intently.</p><p>“It was an accident. But he and I are the only possible suspects so I’ve got to skip town while he makes it abundantly clear that it was me so his clientele don’t see him as a possible snitch or a loose end.”</p><p>Kim can clearly see that Nacho is wracking his brain from all the information she unloaded on him. She eats another grape while he formulates his next question.</p><p>“So I’m guessing your husband is a lawyer and he’s represented cartel members?”</p><p>She nods.</p><p>“Specifically, he represented Lalo Salamanca?”</p><p>“I did too.”, she clarifies. Nacho balks.</p><p>“Not only are you Goodman’s wife, but you were counsel for Salamanca too?”</p><p>She nods again.</p><p>“On paper, I was. I just needed a way to talk to him about where Jimmy went to get the seven million.”</p><p>He flicks his gaze off to the side and shakes his head in disbelief.</p><p>“Why would you willingly expose yourself to the Salamancas?”</p><p>“Jimmy was missing and I was desperate. I thought I could handle it…”</p><p>Nacho rubs the bridge of his nose with his thumbs as another realization comes to him.</p><p>“Oh my god, do you how much fucking Lalo would not shut up about you? You’re the ‘<em>uppity gringa that made some very good points about trust and loyalty’</em> that he rattled on about for hours on the drive to Mexico. I thought he was onto me. I didn’t think I was capable of producing so much sweat…”</p><p>It’s Kim’s turn to wrack her brain and put the pieces of information he’s sprinkled throughout their conversation.</p><p>“So you are an informant? Against the cartel?”</p><p>He levels her with a look that could kill.</p><p>“I have wanted out, ever since they threatened my father. I have done desperate things to protect him, made… so many mistakes. It just served to attract Fring and his men. Put my father at an even greater risk than before.”</p><p>Even though she’s missing a huge chunk of context as to who these men are, Kim stays quiet. His look softens after he takes a breath before continuing.</p><p>“The things they made me do to keep my father safe. What I did to achieve those things… it was all for nothing. Lalo - that psychotic piece of shit that I needed to get into bed with for them – he killed my papa anyway. After everything fell apart and he had nothing to lose...”</p><p>Nacho’s voice cracks and he ducks his head to keep a sob from bursting from his throat.</p><p>“Did you try to kill yourself?”, she asks quietly while gesturing at his bandaged wrists.</p><p>Nacho feels like his heart has plummeted into his stomach. He doesn’t know this woman but she’s here, cleaning his own blood off of him and asking him incredibly personal questions like it’s nothing. He doesn’t have a good read on her yet so he can’t tell if she is asking out of obligation or if she cares and just hides it under a calm affectation.</p><p>He’s beyond caring at this point and opts to unload and hope for the best.</p><p>“No. Lalo did this. When he was killing my father.”</p><p>Kim’s distant demeanor cracks and she sets the grapes down to give him her undivided attention.</p><p>“He made me watch. He lured my dad out to the car, probably asked him for an estimate in perfect Spanish to win him over. It was near closing time so there was only one other person in there with him.”</p><p>Kim reaches over to place her hand over his on the table.</p><p>“He secured my hands behind my head, to the headrest. I almost flayed my wrists and was just screaming as loud as I could to warn him before it was too late. That’s the last thing my papa saw before…”</p><p>Nacho worries his lip because he can’t finish the sentence. He reopens the scab at the corner of his mouth in the process. It stings horribly.</p><p>He deserves it.</p><p>Kim’s shoes are suddenly in his field of vision. Nacho looks up to see her offering some tissues, and her own chapstick to him.</p><p>“I don’t know if you’re weird about germs or sharing, but this stuff is great for chapped lips.”</p><p>Her face is neutral again, but she’s blinking more often than normal.</p><p>“It tastes good too.”, she finishes lamely.</p><p>He nods a thank you and takes what she’s offering.</p><p>“I’m going to try and figure out the hair dye Mike brought me. I’ve um, never dyed it before…”</p><p>Kim leaves his side with a nod. She pulls a stool up to their makeshift mirror over the sink while he dabs at his lip and tries to overcome his own self hatred enough to eat something.</p><p> X-----X-----X</p><p>Nacho can’t take it after about 20 minutes.</p><p>Every bite of food tastes like ash and Kim is clearly struggling with her dye job. She’s managed to pin up and apply the color treatment to the top part of hair, but the bottom half remains loose and untouched. She’s swiveling side to side on the rickety stool, chewing on a tint brush while staring at a section of the box. He can tell she’s not really reading it.</p><p>“You don’t have to pin the bottom section up, by the way.”</p><p>She looks over her shoulder at him with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>“I’m sorry?”</p><p>“Just put on some gloves and lather it into that part. You did the top half right.”, he clarifies.</p><p>She flicks her eyes off to the side before fixing them back on him.</p><p>“I know that, I’m just trying to figure out if I should do highlights on the top half and wait for it to set before doing the bo-“</p><p>She stops at Nacho’s very slight shake of his head.</p><p>“Don’t highlight on the same day as a dye job.”</p><p>She regards him and his advice with a half open mouth for a second before collecting herself and replying.</p><p>“Okay, but, Ignacio… I’m getting a new ID. It has to not look fake. I have to convincingly change my appearance and just having a single shade of brown as my hair color is not convincing.”</p><p>He doesn’t disagree with but it’s a risk they have to take.</p><p>“Look,”, he pauses to stand and make his way towards her on crutches.</p><p>“I get it. But we don’t have the stuff here to properly do it. You need foil to separate the bleached sections and a lot more clips and ties than you have now. And if you damage it, there’s nothing we can do about it here and it’ll stick out really badly.”</p><p>Kim stands to grab latex gloves from the counter. She levels him with a puzzled look as she moves back to her stool.</p><p>“No offense, but how does a man with no hair know so much about how to properly dye it.”</p><p>A far-off expression befalls onto Nacho and he affected a casual posture of leaning onto one crutch.</p><p>“Aprendí de mi madre… she had me help her do her hair. It was so long that even she couldn’t manage it alone.”</p><p>His voice is dripping with reverence at the memory. Neither of them can contain a genuine smile. Nacho leans the crutches up against the wall and slides onto the counter by her sink.</p><p>“What about you, eh? Your mom never did this for you? You had to at least see her do this a few times right?”</p><p>Kim’s smile disappears. She is suddenly very interested in picking at the teeth of the tint brush.</p><p>“My mother wasn’t… present.”</p><p>He looks off to the side, steeling himself for her to go deeper into her childhood trauma. She offered up what comfort she could when he nearly fell apart over his father. He can do the same while she vents about her absentee mother.</p><p>“I’m sure there’s clippers here somewhere. I could shave it all off.”, Kim jokes when she finally looks up at him, clearly trying to pretend she didn’t just open up to him.</p><p>Nacho rolls his eyes at her. The moment is gone.</p><p>“You couldn’t pull off this look.”, he quips as he gestures to himself.</p><p>“I’d definitely look like your type though.”</p><p>He looks away from her to regain his serious expression, but she already caught a glimpse of the tiny smile that broke across his face.</p><p>“Do it later. When we have the supplies. I’ll help.”</p><p>Kim leaps at the opportunity to end the conversation and she pulls the dye back out of the box. Nacho takes the hint and lowers himself down from the counter. She hears him moving about the room and pretends to be unconcerned until she sees the crutches are still up against the wall out of the corner of her eye. When she turns around, with brown hair color all over her hands, she sees Nacho standing on a counter and going through the cabinets stacked above.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>He closes the doors of the cabinet and shuffles over to the next set.</p><p>“You need a wrap for your hair while it sets. There’s gotta be scrubs or hair masks here somewhere.”</p><p>“Hey, I’ll look for something to use later. You don’t need to hurt your le-“</p><p>“Kim. I’ll tell you if I need help. Okay?”, he interrupts suddenly.</p><p>She meets his annoyed stare from the other side of the room with an unflinching nod.</p><p>“Okay… I’ll do the same. From now on.”</p><p>“Great.”</p><p>He turns to resume his search. She carefully lathers her bottom section of hair with treatment.</p><p> X-----X-----X</p><p>It takes a lot to baffle Mike, but Wexler is doing her damnedest to bat a thousand in that department.</p><p>Last night when they first met, she was projecting undeserved authority at her and Varga’s situation.  Then this morning she was withdrawn and only nodded to reply to his instructions when he dropped off their supplies. Now she’s comfortable and neutral when she acknowledges him with a wave as he enters after unlocking the door with Caldera’s keys. Kim looks ridiculous, the fabric wrapped around her head clashes with Stacey’s old flannel shirt. Only when she turns away from Ignacio does he see the needle sticking out of her right nostril.</p><p>“Christ…”, he mutters. Kim presses an ice pack to her face in response.</p><p>“I sterilized it, don’t worry.”, Nacho interjects from the stool on the far end of the cushioned table.</p><p>“Kim suggested it. She said she should look like ‘my type’, so here we are.”</p><p>“Your type is… goth hipster white girls? I think you two should pass as brother and sister instead.”</p><p>That gets him a sad smile from both of them. The tension in the room begins to dissipate.</p><p>“You’re looking much better by the way. Sunburn’s already fading.”, Mike acknowledges gently after a beat.</p><p>“My hair is almost done setting. What’s the plan, in the meantime?”</p><p>Mike nods as he digs something out of his pockets. Nacho turns to face him full on when he tosses something at him.</p><p>“Here’s your ID. Put it with that debit card you told me about and destroy all other forms of identification and credit cards. Try to only use his card unless it’s absolutely necessary, since it isn’t going to be further tampered with.”</p><p>Nacho quirks an eyebrow in confusion at that comment.</p><p>“Kimberly, we’re going to have to edit an existing card for you. I don’t have it with me but the name on it is ‘Eloise Cavallo’. Practice calling each other by those names. Martin and Eloise Cavallo. Not Ignacio and- do you have something to get off your chest?”</p><p>Nacho is absolutely fuming from his end of the bench.</p><p>“You’re giving her my father’s ID?”</p><p>He’s met with a look of exasperation.</p><p>“My papa would have rather died than to be a criminal… and you’re repurposing the card I got for him to give to this- this gringa murderess?”</p><p>Mike hardly blinks in response to his heated glare. Kim decides she’d rather focus on pulling the needle out of her face than the argument fueled by Nacho’s still raw nerves.</p><p>“She’s got to get out of the country too, Ignacio. This is how it’ll get done. You can go your separate ways once you cross the border.”</p><p>“Why do I have go with her then? I don’t even know her!”</p><p>Kim tells herself that her eyes are stinging in that instant because she just successfully removed the needle.</p><p>“Fring knows Lalo didn’t kill you, Ignacio! He knows you’re on the run and he’s looking for you. Same with Kim. The police issued a statewide APB for her at noon and god knows where the Salamancas are in looking for her. You’re being looked for individually, so if you stick together you’ll blend in better.”</p><p>Nacho shrinks back and crosses his arms, conceding Mike’s point.</p><p>“I don’t care what you decide to do once you get to Canada. That’s step two and it’s not my problem. So until then play it cool and complete step one; which is to pretend to be a happy married couple returning from vacation.”</p><p>“I have the prepaid phone too.”, Kim volunteers with the pack pressed to her nose again.</p><p>“I’m sure any information you and Jimmy have would benefit the both of us.”</p><p>“Again, just to clarify, YOU don’t make calls. Goodman and I will call you with any information you two may need.”</p><p>He pauses and waits for their agreement to his terms before running through how he plans to get them out of New Mexico undetected.</p><p>“I can get you as far as Pueblo, Colorado. From there, you’re on your own on getting to Canada. Kim, your husband is rounding up about fifty grand in cash for you. I’ll have it, your finished ID and both of your passports when I pick you two up tomorrow.”</p><p>“You’re going to meet me at the Phillips 66 off of I-25 and Tramway at 8am. It’s about a three mile walk from here. There aren’t many businesses this far north of downtown, but I would stay away from the main road until you come up on the Sandia Resort. Only bring what you can fit into a duffle bag and that backpack.”</p><p>Nacho involuntarily gulps down half his water bottle at the mention of walking through the desert again.</p><p>“When I pick you up, keep your heads down. I’ve got to make dead drops in Los Cerrillos and Glorieta before I drop you off where you’re going to hitch a ride to Colorado. Now, before I head to Montezuma, I’ll drop you off at the Love’s, where your chariot awaits. There’s a truck driver for Los Pollos Hermanos heading up to the Denver distribution center tomorrow morning- Nacho let me finish.”</p><p>Kim gives up on trying to access his feelings towards her when she sees the concerned indignation he’s looking toward her with.</p><p>“What, it’s not enough the cops and Salamancas are looking for her, you want her on Fring’s radar too?”</p><p>“You wanna try getting a taxi or renting a car with this many people on your tail?”</p><p>“This is just as-“</p><p>“Ignacio…”</p><p>The men whip around to face Kim as she speaks up with a sniffle. She’s unwound the wrap from her hair and dabs at her face with a clean area of fabric. Her now brown hair is mostly dry and it tumbles over her shoulders and down her back.</p><p>“I’ll be okay. I trust you.”</p><p>“There you have it.”</p><p>Nacho bit his lip and hunched over to rest his hands on his thighs. Mike finishes his debriefing with no more interruptions.</p><p>“He leaves the Albuquerque distribution center about an hour after us. He’s only approved for two stops with the Madrigal company card, Love’s in Las Vegas and then the one in Pueblo. They’re about exactly three hours apart, I’ll give you a stopwatch to keep track of time. Wait until you hear the gas click and retreating footsteps before exiting in Pueblo. Again, you’re both smart; play off one another.”</p><p>He looks to them for any further questions before addressing Kim.</p><p>“Alright, pick a cute hairstyle, it’s time for your photoshoot.”</p><p>She wipes at her eyes as she stands, grabbing a hair tie from her duffle. She robotically follows Mike to find a white background. Nacho stays put, digging his fingernails into his palms as he wrestles with his inner turmoil.</p><p>He hates everything about this situation; that his papa died for nothing, that Mike saved him, that he has to basically go back into the lion’s den before he can truly escape Fring… and all with this rookie in tow. Yes, she’s smart, observant and adjusts to what’s thrown at her, but she’s also new to the game and here because of…</p><p>A mistake. That’s all it takes for you to get in this deep.</p><p>Kim Wexler’s path suddenly doesn’t seem that divergent from his.</p><p>“Eat everything I brought you. See you kids in the morning.”, Mike calls as he exits through the large door to the outside, shutting it behind him.</p><p>Kim has not come in from the hallway yet. He waits until he hears her footsteps approaching to reign in control of his breathing.</p><p>“Kim?”, he calls from the stool, turning to face her.</p><p>She looks up from where she’s leaning against a counter, scrubbing at something with an alcohol wipe. Her bangs frame her face, falling out from a loose bun at the nape of her neck.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to freak you out earlier. That truck he’s having us sneak onto… it’s from the company owned by the man who’s after me and was threatening my father. He’s a monster. He suffocated my friend and made me watch.”</p><p>He looks up to see her regarding him thoughtfully as she approaches.</p><p>“I don’t want your chance to escape ruined or worse because they catch you with me…”</p><p>“We’ll be extra careful. You lead, I’ll follow.”</p><p>Nacho’s suspicions that this is her accepting his apology are confirmed when she extends her hand to offer him a single golden triangle earring and an alcohol wipe. He takes it and looks up at her quizzically. With her own wipe, she sterilizes her nose and slips the other half of the pair in as a makeshift nose ring.</p><p>“Eloise Cavallo.”, she offers her hand to him as if this is the first time they’ve met.</p><p>In a way, it is.</p><p>Nacho sniffs as he stands and removes his own snake earring, placing it in the chest pocket of his blazer. He repeats after her and snaps the earring into its place.</p><p>“Martin Cavallo.”</p><p>Her wedding ring is cold on his hand as he shakes hers.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. We Sat Apart and Watched</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kim and Nacho overcome growing pains and begin to process the carnage they are leaving behind in Albuquerque.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TBH Michael Mando's sweet twitter post for Rhea's birthday really made me believe in the power of this ship. Big thank you to our favorite short king &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With their necessities packed and redistributed by sunrise, Nacho stiffly maneuvered the heavy door to their impromptu lodging shut behind Kim. He pretended his sharp exhale was from the effort of sliding it shut, not from his aching and protesting back. He had insisted that Kim take the much softer padded table for their final night and was paying for it dearly. Kim heard his back crack from the base up to his shoulder blades as he twisted and pulled it shut, but she didn’t comment.</p><p>She rifled through the big side pocket of her duffle for their last two water bottles. Grabbing hold of one, she worldlessly passed it to Nacho as he walked up to her. Kim continued to scan him out of the corner of her eye as she sipped from her own bottle. Her beanie covers most of the bruises on his head and face and he’s offloaded all his bracelets to his left wrist. That hand was more injured during the struggle at his father’s business and is still thickly bandaged. The single layer of gauze on this right wrist almost blends in with his skin tone.</p><p>Kim is also trying to get a read on just how much pain he’s in from sleeping on the floor. She knows it’s more than he’s letting on, but she doesn’t know how comforting she’s allowed to be.</p><p>She puts her bottle back in the duffle and rummages around in another pocket for her cigarettes as she ponders this. Mike insisted that he’d react negatively to being “babied”, but would just her expressing concern for his back and leg be enough for him to feel smothered?</p><p>Upon finding the pack, Kim sees there’s only two left. Cigarettes are a peace offering right?</p><p>Nacho slips his water bottle into a pouch on his backpack with some difficulty and then takes her offering, deftly avoiding touching their fingers. After lighting his own smoke, he attempts to hand the lighter over to her. Kim flips her billowing hair to fall over the shoulder furthest from him and shifts the cigarette in her mouth towards him.</p><p>Nacho raises an eyebrow at her and lights it.</p><p>They continue standing in silence, one of them relishing in the time spent smoking far more than the other. Kim’s drags were slower and shorter and she still had half a smoke left when Nacho flicked his down and snuffed it out with his boot. He waited patiently, opting to sip from his water bottle instead of monitoring her gradual progress. Her hand would probably shake even harder if his intense stare was focused on her.</p><p>When Kim is at a risk of burning her lips if she takes one more puff, she flings the remnant down with a sigh. She has her arms crossed and cannot make herself lift her foot and stomp it out. Ignacio finally does so for her. The action draws her focus up to Nacho’s mildly concerned face as he jerks his head toward the desert beyond the fence in a silent question.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>You ready?</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Kim will probably never be ready. Thankfully, the universe affords her one last delay.</p><p>She and Nacho both know who is calling before the burner phone’s first ring was completed. Kim still reads the display to buy herself some time.</p><p>“I- I’m sorry.”, she says numbly to Nacho while sliding the duffle off her shoulder and onto the ground.</p><p>She’s already taking several steps back toward the building and answering the phone without even waiting for his response.</p><p>“Morning, sweetie.”</p><p>Kim could cry at how soothing his voice is to her nerves right now.</p><p>“I was hoping to catch you before you left. I’m not too late, am I?”, Jimmy’s calm cadence is betrays concern for a split second as he finishes the question.</p><p>“No, no, Jimmy, we just finished packing up.”</p><p>“Ah. How are you and Mr. Strong and Silent getting along?”</p><p>Kim looks over her shoulder to see that Ignacio has shifted over to stand over her duffle with the posture of a nightclub bouncer.</p><p>“We’re coping. We’ll be fine.”, she says confidently, trying to will the statement to be true.</p><p>She pauses, takes a moment to play with the simple wedding band he got her during their brief escape at the Hotel Andaluz.</p><p>“How are you, Jimmy? Are you… safe?”</p><p>Jimmy lets out a sigh before he unloads.</p><p>“Well I’ve got a third interview today about where you could have possibly fled to. The last one lasted eight hours and that was when they had nothing. Hopefully nothing has changed since then. Oh and tell Nacho that I made acquaintance with a lovely fellow he does business with; ‘Ocho Loco’ he called himself. Short guy but really tries to puff his chest out to make up for it…”</p><p>He continues on but Kim has zoned out once she recognizes his inflection. It’s as if he’s disinterestedly reading off of a letter with some mild interjections of bravado and emotion sprinkled in. There’s only one other time his ever reverted to that manner of speaking.</p><p>She hates that she did this to him.</p><p>“… so they made it VERY clear that there will be ‘problems’ between us if you or I are spilling any information about Lalo Salamanca to the Feds or anyone else for that matter. Man, you wouldn’t believe how invested these guys were in Lalo’s jail gossip about you. And the best part? He let them know about his new, cute lawyer on the burner phone I gave him.”</p><p>“Jimmy.”, she blurts when she finally can’t take it anymore.</p><p>Kim takes several deep breaths to frantically pull her thoughts together. He waits patiently for her to continue.</p><p>“I just-Jimmy, I never wanted to put anyone in danger. I am so sorry for all of this.”</p><p>“I know you are, Kimmy, but that doesn’t change anything.”</p><p>A lone sob finally bursts past her lips. It prompts Nacho to cast an uncomfortable glance back at her, unnoticed.</p><p>“It’s like you said, Kim, I don’t get to save you. Hell, I might not be able to save myself. All either of us can do right now is hold the rope and hope our wits are enough to survive this ride. I’ll call when I can, mainly for, ah, professional updates.”</p><p>“Okay.”, Kim replies after a deep breath.</p><p>“Okay, I understand.”</p><p>“Just… do what you need to do to keep your head about you.”</p><p>She can picture his sheepish shrug over the phone.</p><p>“You and Nacho, you’ll make a decent ragtag team.”</p><p>“I’m trying, really.”, Kim interjects sadly.</p><p>He sighs before breaking the distant façade.</p><p>“Kim, in your own ways, you’ve had rough lives. I’m sure you’ve both picked up on that.”</p><p>“Okay, and?”, she has a defensive edge in her voice as she scrambles to remember how much she told him about her mother, if ever.</p><p>“And, this is a high stress situation that you’re in, so you two trying to out-tough each other or win a silent-treatment stand-off isn’t the best way to problem solve.”</p><p>Kim reels at the accuracy of his assessment. In this moment, she may not feel tough right now, barely holding back tears behind an abandoned construction project gearing up to walk into the desert.</p><p>But it will hold true once she’s back to being alone with just her thoughts and Ignacio Varga.</p><p>“I know you need to get going, and I’m sorry if this only made it harder for you to take that first step…”</p><p>Jimmy pauses before continuing with his unaffected tone.</p><p>“You’ve got to make some changes. Both of you, if you’re going to make it out with your lives. I already have, you’re behind the curve, Kimmy.”</p><p>“Call me when you can.”, she replies wetly.</p><p>Then, a composed “I love you.” follows.</p><p>“I love you, too.”, Jimmy parrots back, his neutrality back in full swing.</p><p>She hangs up the phone by flipping it shut, much harder than necessary. Nacho already has the duffle up when she approaches him, readily transferring it from his shoulder to hers.</p><p>“Thank you.”, she says quietly, slipping the phone back into a zippered side pocket.</p><p>“You shouldn’t have picked that up for me. It’ll throw you off balance.”</p><p>She says it as gently as she knows how but he still returns an offended glare.</p><p>“Ready to go now? We’ve got a narrow window here.”</p><p>He takes off before she can reply, beelining for the slashed section of fencing Mike prepared for them. He pauses to hold it open for her, but once she and the duffle are maneuvered through, he turns his focus to the West and marches on. Kim’s mouth forms into a thin line and she resigns herself to keep pace behind him.</p><p>Choosing a careful path through the scrubland and the dull roar of the highway off to their right keep her from being swallowed whole by her raging thoughts. Jimmy’s apathy toward her, their complex escape plan and Nacho’s determination to build a wall between them out of some misplaced sense of duty have all pushed her towards the edge of a cliff and it’s tempting to dive into the pool of despair that waits at the base.</p><p>She readjusts the duffle onto the opposite shoulder and counts her steps through the dust. Right foot, left foot, right foot…</p><p>“Kim!”</p><p>Nacho calls out from behind her and she stops in her tracks, finally looking up to take in what lies in front of her. The resort Mike was talking about is not much further away and the interstate packed with rush hour traffic is just beyond that. She had been zoned out for quite a while.</p><p>Turning around, Kim sees she had overtaken Nacho at some point and he’s a good way behind her. He’s standing up straight with his weight balanced on the left leg. His right hand is pressing into the hip on that side.</p><p>Nacho looks down at a shrub to his right, pain and defeat written across his face.</p><p>“Are you okay?”, she tries for a gentle tone of voice again.</p><p>He doesn’t lash out at her this time, just takes a deep breath while biting his lower lip.</p><p>“There was a rock I didn’t see. When I stepped on it, my leg wobbled.”, he admits quietly.</p><p>“Is it painful?”</p><p>“No, it’s uh, like pulsing… but with numbness, not pain.”, he clarifies while shifting weight back and forth onto the heel and ball of the right foot.</p><p>She offers him her water and shifts to stand by his right side. He gulps down the water. Other than readjusting her hand higher when it rests on the scar on his left side, Nacho doesn’t acknowledge that she just wrapped her arm around his waist. He wordlessly does the same once he’s finished drinking.</p><p>“Anything else?”, Kim fishes.</p><p>A gulp. Nacho is now focused on a different, but equally as uninteresting desert plant.</p><p>“I called your name several times. It seemed like you were going to leave me out here.”</p><p>Kim nods her understanding, putting a pin in asking why that scared him so much for later.</p><p>“Nacho, can you look at me please.”, her voice dips back into neutral territory.</p><p>He takes another breath before looking down at her with pursed lips.</p><p>“I already said I trust you and I meant it. You need to afford me the same courtesy. I am your partner, your equal, and it’s in our best interests that both of us make it to the border safely. You don’t suck it up and soldier on for my sake and I won’t do the same for you. I know I’m out of my element here, but there are things I can contribute to and they only way I’ll know that is if you communicate with me.”</p><p>His face softens and nods in acknowledgement.</p><p>“You’re right, I’m sorry. I’ll ask for help if I need it.”</p><p>“You mean it this time?”</p><p>Nacho let’s out an indignant chuckle as he shifts his gaze back forward.</p><p>“Si, señora.”, he confirms with a light squeeze to her middle.</p><p>“Alright, so I think we can make our way to the pavement now since we’re close enough.”, Kim adds quickly as her cheeks redden.</p><p>“Why don’t we walk kind of in step, so as you step with your right leg, I step with my left. Take it easy on your hip…”</p><p>It takes surprisingly few awkward steps to find a matching pace. Kim lets Nacho lead, speeding or slowing to match his movements. They both breathe a sigh of relief with the first step onto the pavement.</p><p>“Oh my god, that feels so much better.”</p><p>That’s the only warning Kim is given before he quickens his pace, feeling much sturdier on even ground. She furrows her brows in concentration to match his longer strides. Once they’ve passed the hotel’s grandiose entrance and can see the gas station where Mike is picking them up, Nacho finally slows down. As he releases her, he reaches for his own water bottle. They leisurely make their way to a pedestrian bridge while passing the bottle back and forth.</p><p>“You good for now?”, Kim speaks up when they’re stopped at a crosswalk.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s more… sore now than numb. I think I got it from here.”</p><p>“Great,”, Kim tosses the bottle in a nearby trash can.</p><p>“Because with how we’re dressed, walking and how fast we’re going, people would probably think you were kidnapping me.”</p><p>“Nah, that’s what my van was for.”</p><p>Kim is just going to assume that’s a joke.</p><p>Climbing the stairs of the walkway, Kim stays slightly behind Nacho and keeps an eye on his leg. Other than a few pained breaths, he ascends just fine. Once back to his side, they resume their meandering pace. Mike isn’t due for another 15 minutes according to her watch, and they both are taking in the sight of downtown from a distance one last time.</p><p>Kim drags her gaze away from the horizon when Nacho reaches for her hand and interlocks their fingers.</p><p>“What? So I don’t look like I’m kidnapping you.”</p><p>She hums her understanding.</p><p>“Not that you’d be able to, anyway.”</p><p>Nacho casts a sideways glance at her as they near the far end of the walkway over I-25.</p><p>“I’m really looking forward to hearing how you ended up with someone like Goodman.”</p><p>Kim genuinely laughs at his puzzled mutter.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Mike occasionally flicks his eyes up to the rear-view mirror out of habit to check on his two passengers. He can’t really see them from where they are, crammed into the floorboards of his decades-old Buick. All that’s visible is Ignacio’s extended bad leg propped up on both of Kim’s bent knees and their bags up on the seat.</p><p>He can hear their banter though.</p><p>“I literally have no idea what married couples do, so you’re going to have to spell it out for me, Kim.”</p><p>“It doesn’t have to be obnoxious PDA. You could, for instance, fix the part of my hair for me, if it’s messed up. You know what a ‘part’ is, right?”</p><p>“Who was it that had to explain how to dye your hair, again?”</p><p>“Riiiiight. Sorry.”</p><p>Mike fights a smile at the sheepish tone of her voice.</p><p>“Okay, it can’t be just me doing cutesy shit though…”, Nacho pipes up after a beat of silence.</p><p>“When we stand by each other, even if we’re not holding hands, fiddle with my bracelets.”</p><p>“Oh, good one!”, Kim beams at his quick thinking.</p><p>“See, you’re not as clueless as you think.”</p><p>They continue to rattle off suggestions as Mike turns off the state highway to a small farm road that winds through the Glorieta Pass. They’re nearly to his second dead drop and the mood has been pleasant. He’s almost dreading having to ruin it when he pulls over and hides the cash.</p><p>Mike slides back into the drivers seat with a sigh before turning to address Kim and Ignacio.</p><p>“You two can move into the seats once we hit the interstate. Stretch your legs out and what not.”</p><p>Nacho tips his head back lets out an exasperated “Thank God.” When he looks back up, Mike is holding an envelope out toward him.</p><p>“What’s this?”</p><p>“It’s the coordinates to where I lied your father to rest. Maybe one day you can come back to give him a proper burial.”</p><p>Nacho swallows thickly as he takes the envelope. Kim is busying herself from her spot with unloading Mike’s supplies into their respective bags.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“I truly am sorry for your loss, Ignacio.”</p><p>He nods, Mike turns back around and starts the car.</p><p>Nacho moves to his seat at the earliest opportunity, worrying his lip and staring off blankly at the passing desert scenery. Kim takes her time, distributing the cash Jimmy got her, placing their fake passports and IDs in secure but easily accessible pockets. She does eventually join Nacho, shoving her feet underneath the passenger seat to fully enjoy the space she has now. She sets his still open backpack on the floorboard in between them before turning to Nacho. Moving slowly to give him enough time to stop her, Kim grips the envelope that he is clutching in his lap.</p><p>He lifts his head from its resting place on the window, fixing her with a startled and angry look for a fraction of a second. Nacho visibly relaxes as his watery eyes meet with her sympathetic ones. He loosens his grip and she gently tugs the crumpled paper from his hands. Kim slides it into a secret pocket of the outermost pocket of his backpack.</p><p>“For safe-keeping.”, Kim whispers, slipping her hand into his, filling the void the envelope left in them.</p><p>Nacho thanks her by squeezing her hand back. Mike pretends he wasn’t holding his breath for the entirety of their exchange.</p><p>The remainder of the drive to Las Vegas is quiet. Kim’s hand remains in Ignacio’s lap. He only moves to occasionally turn his head back to the window and sniffle quietly. They separate only to get out and unload their baggage when Mike pulls up to pump at Love’s.</p><p>“Best of luck to you, Martin, Eloise.”, he nods to them as they exit the car.</p><p>“Thanks, daddy.”, Kim circles around the back of the Buick to plant a kiss on Mike’s cheek.</p><p>He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at their retreating forms.</p><p>Other than sending a half-hearted wave in Mike’s direction, Nacho remains on auto-pilot. He heads straight for the corner store once his backpack is on while Kim lingers to say goodbye. He’s trying to slow his thoughts and focus, come up with a checklist of things they need to do before the Pollos truck arrives. But it’s all impended by that damn envelope.</p><p>Should he open it now, get a relative idea of how close he is to his father? Maybe they should ditch this plan and hitchhike to Colorado later; he can properly say goodbye to papa, have some closure. Or it could just make him fall apart even more.</p><p>
  <em>He lays down to sleep next to the marker Mike placed over the grave, no desire to move any further or breath any longer. Kim stands over him, her face fractured and paler than ever. She pleads with him to get up, her elbows locked under his armpits as she tries to will him to live herself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ignacio, please get up!”</em>
</p><p>“Martin, babe?”</p><p>Nacho turns toward the pressure around his left wrist. Kim has pulled him back to reality just outside the doors.</p><p>“You want to head to the bathroom, wash up real quick? I can grab us some coffee and a bite to eat.”</p><p>He lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding when she begins playing with one of his bracelets with her thumb. Nacho focuses and scans their surroundings. One row of gas pumps is in between the storefront and the interstate and a second one is off towards the south side of the building. There are no parking spaces by that row. He nods, back in his element and forming a plan.</p><p>“Actually, I’ll head inside and get what we need, test out my ID.”</p><p>Kim nods her approval, he continues.</p><p>“Hang out here and keep an eye out for the refrigerated truck, at both sets of pumps. Be casual about it, though, okay?”</p><p>She departs for the south corner with one last squeeze of his forearm. Nacho takes a moment to wash his face before making quick work inside the corner store. He discreetly slips a few bills from the stacks Kim put in his backpack into his wallet as he gathers supplies. The clerk makes small talk with him about how hot it gets in Manitoba and how he’s enjoying New Mexico when he buys them some more cigarettes.</p><p>“My wife and I love it. We’re leaving from Taos and headed to Carlsbad now. She’s really into caves and hiking.”, he lies easily once the ID is returned to him.</p><p>“And uh, local sports teams, too.”</p><p>She smiles back at Nacho has he gestures to the beanie he bought.</p><p>“I hope you two have a lovely rest of your trip!”</p><p>Kim is leaned against the wall pretending to check her phone when he approaches her, offering up a cup of coffee. She smiles and takes it while he distributes their snacks.</p><p>“You like NCAA sports?”, she points to the UNM Lobos cap he is still holding.</p><p>“Nope, this is for you.”, Nacho explains to her confused expression.</p><p>“We’re going to be in a refrigerated truck for about three hours and, well, we’re not really dressed for the occasion. This’ll help a little.”</p><p>Kim takes in her own outfit of Converse shoes, black jeans and a flannel shirt and shrugs in acceptance. Nacho’s blazer is short sleeved, but he at least has a jacket in the duffle bag.</p><p>“The colors match your shirt, at least.”, he offers as she takes the beanie and adjusts it with a smile.</p><p>“I like that we’re at least fashionable stowaways.”</p><p>Nacho leans against the wall next to her, taking the coffee cup when she offers it back to him. They stand in comfortable silence, observing their surroundings and sipping the coffee off and on. Nacho tosses the cup when it’s empty and pulls out his lighter and the cigarettes. He speaks again, under his breath, after a few drags.</p><p>“Why’d you put about 25,000 in cash into my bag?”</p><p>“It’s 23,000. Jimmy was four grand short. He did the best he could with what little time he had.”, she replies coolly.</p><p>“Okay.”, Nacho acknowledges the correction with a twinge of annoyance.</p><p>“Still, why give me half of your money?”</p><p>Kim shrugs and meets his intense stare.</p><p>“The whole ‘What’s mine is yours.’ principle and what not.”</p><p>He scans the area again for their ride while deep in thought.</p><p>“I’ve put about ten grand on my debit card. When we’re in private, I’ll give five back to you.”</p><p>He turns to face her so they can shake on it. Once she does, they stay that way; her watching the front row of pumps and him the side, maintaining their casual posture throughout. Kim finishes her cigarette first and stoops to stomp it out.</p><p>“There.”, she gestures over his shoulder when she stands.</p><p>“Circling around the back.”</p><p>“That’s perfect. Get your bag ready.”</p><p>Kim’s slips the strap over her shoulder with measured movements, trying to will her suddenly pounding heart to quiet again. She turns to peek around the corner and do something with her nervous energy. Nacho takes one last drag and clears his throat, coming up beside her.</p><p>“Relax. You’re fine. We’re Martin and Eloise and we’re just walking back to our rental car.”</p><p>Kim nods jerkily, taking measured breaths while watching the driver begin to fill up his tank. She can’t tell how tall the man is, but he’s definitely built, possibly more than Nacho. The two of them might be able to hold their own in a fight…</p><p>She jolts slightly when Ignacio’s arm snakes over her shoulders, pulling her toward his chest. She takes the uncapped bottle of water from his hand.</p><p>“We’ll walk over there once he heads this way.”</p><p>Deep breath. Huge sip of water. She looks up at him and nods. He keeps his head tilted down towards her but his eyes trained on the furthest pump from them. Six blinks later, Nacho squeezes her shoulder.</p><p>“The nozzle’s up.”</p><p>He waits a beat for her to turn and curl her own arm around his waist before stepping down from the curb. Moving in step, Nacho relaxes his eyebrows and allows the corners of his mouth to tilt up while Kim leans her head onto his shoulder. They maintain this façade for the entire 157 steps to the far side of the truck.</p><p>Kim counted every one.</p><p>“Shit, it’s locked!”</p><p>Kim whipped around from where she was standing guard on the asphalt to see Nacho trying to discreetly jostle the handle open. He looked down at her, silently asking for her input.</p><p>“Do you have a pocket knife?”, she asks as she drops the duffle to hoist herself up to join him.</p><p>“I checked, Lal- someone must’ve taken it off me.”</p><p>He leans back while still hanging off the back of the truck to take watch as she analyzes the lock. It’s just a simple industrial fridge handle but fitted for the back of a cargo transport vehicle. Could it be this easy?</p><p>Kim looks over at Nacho as she digs into her jeans pocket for the bobby pins she shoved in there.</p><p>“Hey, do you know if we can open this from the inside?”</p><p>He nods, still peering towards the front of the Love’s corner store.</p><p>“Yes, there’s a lever inside to unlock it. It’s a safety feature.”</p><p>“Oh my god, this is perfect.”, she’s practically giggling at their luck.</p><p>He turns to cast a bemused look at her as she wiggles the pin in the lock.</p><p>“You wouldn’t believe how many locks I’ve picked like this. A few were pretty recent…”</p><p>“Kim, he’s coming out of the store!”</p><p>“I got it!”</p><p>She flings the door farthest from the building open and hops down to grab her duffle. Ignacio shuffles sideways and maneuvers into the container. Kim is not far behind, throwing the bag over her shoulder and clambering up the steps. She shuts the door firmly but quietly and Nacho pulls the lever to reset the locking mechanism. They are plummeted into pitch blackness.</p><p>“Ignacio?”</p><p>His hand circles her wrist.</p><p>“Follow me.”, he whispers as he tugs her in between the shelves of batter tubs.</p><p>Once they reach the front of the container, Nacho shuffles them to a corner with a gap in the shelving.</p><p>“Sometimes they open the doors and check for illegal immigrants.”, he explains as he shucks their bags onto the floor of their hiding spot.</p><p>“Oh god, why would Mike-“</p><p>“They don’t look thoroughly, just from the door. We have to be quiet.”</p><p>From where he stands over their bags, Nacho wraps both arms around her to pull her into his chest. Kim’s eyes barely peer over his shoulder as the door opens again. She tucks her forehead into his sternum and clutches her shaking fists to her own chest. Nacho worries his lip as he holds his own breath.</p><p>The “search” lasts barely five seconds. The driver shuts and locks the door with a quick sweep of a flashlight. Neither of them move other than to release a sigh of relief. In the darkness, their breath is only visible by the glowing light from the red digits of the thermostat.</p><p>“How much warmer can we make it in there?”, Kim asks into Nacho’s chest.</p><p>“If it goes above 45 degrees, the driver will be alerted.”</p><p>A beat of silence.</p><p>“I’m not sitting in your lap.”</p><p>“Great, me neither.”. Nacho retorts as he rests his head on the box of ketchup behind him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. As All We Had Burned on a Pyre</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kim and Nacho continue open up and prove to be an effective team.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The beeps of their stopwatch alarm barely complete one series of rings before Kim silences and resets it. She quickly does the math in her head and figures out they are about three more intervals away from stopping in Pueblo. This system has made the trip far more bearable than if they had just been staring at the three-hour countdown by flashlight this whole time.</p><p>The first hour had passed by just fine. Once the driver pulled away, their heartrates truly slowed, and they were able to untangle their limbs to get settled. The metal floor would only be more frigid that the air already was, so they opted to unload their food from the duffle bag and sit on. Wordlessly, Ignacio lifted an arm as he sat and Kim just as silently huddled into his side for warmth. They’ve stayed this way throughout, snacking and making small talk as they pretend they’re not shivering in the back of a rolling refrigerator.</p><p>It was Nacho that suggested they use his lighter for a little pump of warmth and Kim set up the interval timer to conserve the fluid. Their system had gone smoothly and kept spirits up. Until now.</p><p>“Hey, Ignacio is the lighter in your lap?”</p><p>He hasn’t lit it, so maybe it slipped from his hand. When she stands to grab the flashlight from one of the nearby shelves of salsa, she notices that the arm he curled around her was limp and being held in place against the wall by her. She looks back at him from where she stands, seeing the lighter clenched tightly in his right hand and pressed into his chin.</p><p>Nacho’s face is the most relaxed she’s ever seen it; eyebrows no longer trying to pinch together, lips resting in a very slight frown. For a fraction of a second, she sees Jimmy mirrored in his silhouette and quickly maneuvers in front of him with the flashlight to check his eyes.</p><p>They’re glassy, vacant. He’s a thousand miles away. Kim shifts to sit on one side of his legs and reaches for the hand with the lighter.</p><p>“Ignacio? Nacho? You need to come back to the present.”, she soothes, wiggling the lighter in his grip.</p><p>When nothing changes, she places her other hand that was pressed into the cold floor on his forearm. That gets him to blink and lift his head to look at her quizzically.</p><p>“Amber?”, comes a quiet, shaky question.</p><p>“No, it’s Kim. You know who I am, right?”</p><p>Another slow blink.</p><p>“Yeah, you’re my fake wife and we’re on our way back from a fake vacation to Canada.”, Nacho gets a little more sure of himself with each word he speaks.</p><p>“I think I dozed off, my bad. How much longer til we’re in Pueblo?”</p><p>His face has shifted into something more serious, but it’s a half-hearted version of his usual mask. Kim moves on to answer his question for now.</p><p>“We’re about 45 minutes to an hour from stopping. Should probably stay alert for the rest of the way there.”</p><p>Nacho attempts to affect a more serious demeanor after he nods his agreement. A long silence befalls them again before Kim dips her head toward his right hand.</p><p>“Our timer went off and I just set my hand on the metal soooo…”</p><p>“Right.”, he acknowledges and extends the lighter to her, flicking the switch to ignite it.</p><p>Once their hands are hovering just outside where the flame’s heat is unbearably hot, Kim circles back to her earlier observations,</p><p>“Whatever you were thinking about or got caught up in… it really wore you out.”</p><p>“I just fell asleep.”, he counters neutrally.</p><p>“Your eyes were wide open. You were lost in thought.”</p><p>“And what about it?”</p><p>Kim recognizes that his tone isn’t that of offense, but of skepticism and caution. She decides to be the first one to open up.</p><p>“Jimmy would do that for a while, you know, space out and just not react to anything. It was when his brother committed suicide. I did too when I was younger. Being in the moment with my mother when she was in her alcohol-fueled stupors… it was too much.”, her tone turns solemn as she reflects on her chaotic childhood.</p><p>They’ve given up on warming their hands. Nacho’s lighter rests limply in his lap and he meets her eyes unflinchingly.</p><p>“I never had anyone to talk to, so I was so, just, blown away that I was there for him and he still chose to suffer in silence.”</p><p>“I didn’t have a choice.”, Nacho supplies, almost too quiet for Kim to make out at first.</p><p>“No one could help me. If my father knew, he’d go to the police. I sure as hell couldn’t talk with friends or colleagues; they were the ones I was helping betray. Amber and Jo would have been killed if they knew too much about what I do. Amber, in particular. She’s not very good with secrets.”</p><p>Nacho leans back against the frigid wall with a sigh, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. He can’t decide if he’s annoyed or relieved when he looks back and she’s still focused on him.</p><p>“I really don’t want to be analyzed right now.”, he tries in an attempt to get her to drop it.</p><p>Kim is unfazed.</p><p>“I’m just here to listen.”, she explains with a shrug.</p><p>The prolonged silence that settles over them leads Kim to believe he’s going to clam up or try to change subject. She commits to waiting, looking down to rub her hands along her jeans for warmth when Nacho starts worrying his lip. She hears him start to fiddle with the lighter and her breath catches in anticipation.</p><p>“There was a lot of shit I was forced to do because of the threat to my papa’s life. I got shot by Fring’s men and left in the desert. Lifted product from a trap house that got busted to impress Lalo. I’ve been on edge for over a year. Just constantly strategizing how to keep us both alive, get us to safety.”</p><p>Nacho knows she’s looking at him to convey that she’s actively listening, but it feels like judgement. He pauses and pats the spot on the duffle that she vacated. Kim takes her time to get settled and he continues once her shoulder touches his.</p><p>“Amber, mainly, helped it feel less like I was slowly dying inside. But she rarely noticed when I’d check out. It was empty, but it was all I allowed. If one of them got hurt because of my choices... I drank myself stupid one night and Lalo came onto me.”</p><p>He pauses in preparation for a disgusted gasp, but Kim stays silent.</p><p>“Nothing happened, I threw up pretty quickly and he drove me back home. But I knew it was an opportunity that couldn’t be passed up. Fring would kill my dad if I didn’t earn Lalo’s trust soon. That’s how it started. But uh… he was so much more aware of my mood than the girls and genuinely engaged with me and uh…”</p><p>He lurches away from the wall, his head hanging towards the floor and his shaking hands braced on his knees. He speaks again after another fractured breath.</p><p>“He killed my dad and I think I liked him, Kim. It’s so fucking sick. We kissed and then not even two days later, he guns my papa down.”</p><p>Even if he wanted to say any more, wanted to blurt out some one of the other places his mind has wandered as Jo disassembles his car keys and Amber haphazardly rubs lotion into his shoulders, he physically can’t. Admitting out loud that he allowed himself to become attached to the man who would eventually destroy the reason he’s been putting himself through hell is enough to render him speechless. At the same time, finally voicing it is something of a relief. He observes his breath evening out in the cold air.</p><p>And then from there, he realizes Kim has placed her hand on his shoulder and is rubbing her thumb back and forth over the denim. It’s more grounding than anything the girls or Lalo ever did for him. He still can’t form words so he places a hand over hers to say thanks.</p><p>They stay like this, unmoving except for the motion of her hand on his jacket, until the timer goes off again. It’s on the floor by Nacho’s right foot so he stoops to reach for it. He purposely uses his left hand so he can keep his palm resting on top of Kim’s.</p><p> </p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p> </p><p>Now shrouded in pitch blackness, Kim and Ignacio try not to focus on the drivers loud conversation on his cell phone through the reinforced steel. That’s not what they need to listen for right now. He can’t believe this is still a problem in a freezing container, but Nacho has broken into a sweat as he waits for his cue to pull the lock release.</p><p>The flow of the diesel begins to slow. He glances over to make eye contact with Kim from her position at the doors, the thin sliver of sunlight illuminating her pale blue eyes. Exactly as the nozzle shuts off, he pulls the lever.</p><p>Not a second later, Kim turns the handle and smoothly dismounts from the back of the vehicle. He takes two sideways steps to squeeze through the door before it swings shut, stilling himself as he quietly shuts it and presses himself into the back.</p><p>The driver is still loudly and animatedly talking. Nacho has to strain to listen for his next cue. He almost misses it because of a laugh the man lets out right as he slides the gas pump back into place.</p><p>When he pushes away from the back of the truck and braces himself like he did when jumping through the roof of the trap house, the landing almost exactly as smooth. His right knee pops and he feels his weak hip shift so much that he almost losses his balance.</p><p>The difference this time is that he let out a pained grunt and handle loudly clicked shut when he pushed off the door.</p><p>“Hey, man, hold on. I think I heard something…”</p><p>Nacho is already clearing the far side of the truck before the man finishes, even with tingling sensations shooting down his right leg. He tries his best to normalize his gait while catching up with Kim. She’s purposefully walking slowly and acting like she’s texting on the burner phone. He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pretends to peck her on the cheek.</p><p>“Laugh at something I just said.”</p><p>She obediently utters a half-hearted giggle before speaking through a smile.</p><p>“Is your leg okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’ll be fine once I walk on it some more.”</p><p>He steers them over to an information and map kiosk on the far side of the registers, hoping the suspicious driver will lose sight of him if he tried to follow them into the store. Nacho keeps guard and leans casually into Kim’s side as she scours through the maps and flyers for the local area.</p><p>“I’m not seeing anything obvious about a Greyhound bus station…”</p><p>“Grab a couple of the city maps to look through more closely.”</p><p>She grabs four and wordlessly hands two to him.</p><p>“I didn’t see any pay phones out front.”</p><p>“There’ll be one in that office behind the registers. We just have to ask to use it.”, Nacho supplies without glancing up from the “Historic Downtown” map that he’s scanning.</p><p>Kim puts a map back before handing her second one over to him.</p><p>“Okay, I’ve had to pee for about an hour and a half so if you could get in line to make a call to at least get us a taxi that would be great. We have to get to Denver ASAP.”</p><p>Nacho scans the busy travel stop for their burly unwitting chauffeur before nodding his agreement and walking her to the back. He snatches up water bottles for the both of them and focuses intently on the map Kim handed him as he meanders to get in line. Her map is a wash, so he settles on searching through the last brochure they picked up. Second from the register, he finds the address of the station in a section in the back dedicated to travel information.</p><p>He’s trying to figure out their current location in relation to it when a muscled arm grabs his wrist, forcing him to drop the map.</p><p>“Hey, I’m talking to you!”, the truck driver barks in Nacho’s face.</p><p>He’s a few inches taller than Nacho and in about as good of shape, but he’s probably got full control of the nerves in both of his legs.</p><p>“Hey, man, I think you have me confused with someone else.”, Nacho fights to keep himself from sneering and opts for just keeping a firm tone in his voice</p><p>People immediately around them are realizing there’s a confrontation happening. Nacho deliberately keeps the hand in his grip open to appear as non-threatening as possible.</p><p>“I saw you behind my truck. Are you here legally? Where you trying to rob me?”</p><p>“What? I’m here on vacation! Let go of me, I’m not asking.”, Nacho feigns offense but starts trying to rip his arm out of the trucker’s grasp.</p><p>No one is stepping up to diffuse the situation and most are just pointedly looking the other way. Nacho doesn’t know how much longer he can stifle the need to stand up for himself and use necessary force. The driver makes to grab for his other arm and for a split second, it’s Lalo that’s gripping his forearm so hard that it will leave bruises shaped like fingers.</p><p>Kim approaches in his peripheral right as he raises his free arm to elbow the driver in the nose.</p><p>“Martin! Are you okay?”</p><p>The panic and wetness in Kim’s voice is replaced with angry determination after she clears her throat.</p><p>“Please let go of my husband.”</p><p>“Look, lady, I’m within my rights here.”, he huffs, hardly sparing a glance in her direction.</p><p>“I’m carrying commercial product and I think someone got in the back while I was filling up.”</p><p>“Really? This man? A Canadian citizen? That’s who you THINK you saw exiting your truck?”</p><p>The driver is so caught off guard by her raising her voice to almost a shout that he doesn’t see Nacho’s eyes dart to her in confusion. What angle is she going for with this?</p><p>“Ma’am, I may not have known he was a tourist but I st-“</p><p>“I think you’re just being racist.”, Kim cuts him off as she crosses her arms over her chest.</p><p>As the man reels and sputters at her accusation, Nacho breaks his faltering grip on his arm with a grin. Kim’s eyebrows are raised in that angry <em>guera </em>expression he’s been on the receiving end of many times. Other customers are tuning in and they are full-on glaring at the driver now.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh… That’s genius.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“No! That is not- I would never-“</p><p>“We came into the store together, but I’m white and he’s Hispanic so OF COURSE you assumed it was him.”</p><p>“I could see it on you face, man,”, Nacho chimes in. He shifts into his usual serious face and stance.</p><p>“You were so close to calling me a wetback just now.”</p><p>“Look, I would never say something like that, sir!”, he’s in full damage control now, backing away from Nacho while Kim closes the distance to stand by his side.</p><p>“It sounded like someone was in the back of my truck and when I saw your clothing and jewelry as you walked by…”</p><p>He stops mid-sentence when Kim tilts her head to show off her nose ring.</p><p>“You’re saying I’m a thug? For matching with my wife’s cute jewelry?”, he deepens his voice with each word for effect.</p><p>“Sir.”, the cashier behind them speaks up.</p><p>“I’m the manager here, and I think it’s best that you leave this couple alone or I’ll have to call the police.”</p><p>Defeated and humiliated, the driver offers a sheepish apology to Kim and Nacho before he makes for the exit. Nacho relaxes his posture and he realizes his hands are shaking when Kim takes the water bottles from him. She pays for their items while he politely thanks the people nearby that ask if he’s okay. He takes another breath to stoop and pick up the maps he dropped and moves to thank the person that deserves it most.</p><p>“Yeah, in Canada, conserving energy and public transport is huge. We’ve been hitchhiking and taking the Greyhound for most of our trip.”</p><p>Kim is already hard at work spinning their backstory to the employee that stood up for them. She’s switched her register to “CLOSED” so that she can make sure they are taken care of.</p><p>“That’s amazing that you guys are committing to that-“</p><p>Kim’s attention is pulled away from the manager’s gushing by the sensation of a hand cupping the back of her head. She turns back to see Nacho is at her side and leveling her with an impressed half smile.</p><p>“Eloise, that was amazing.”, he whispers and Kim is a little taken aback by how soft his voice is.</p><p>He rubs his thumb behind her ear as he leans in a little closer, silently asking for permission with his eyes. Kim breaks into a mischievous grin at his proposed cherry-on-top of their performance. Stepping closer and gripping at the lapels of his shirt, she pulls him in the rest of the way.</p><p>While they keep the kiss chaste, it lingers for a tad longer than either expected. It’s been a while since Nacho has kissed someone without being under duress and he’s forgotten the soothing effect it can have. He feels her mouth shift into a small smile before she gives him one last peck. When they part, her beaming eyes meet his relaxed ones and they resume Kim’s conversation.</p><p>“You two are adorable. Are you on your honeymoon?”, the manager, Erin, blurts as they face her, arms around each other’s waists.</p><p>“It’s our second anniversary, actually.”, Nacho corrects.</p><p>Kim flashes her wedding ring for her to observe.</p><p>“Oh my gosh, it’s simple and sophisticated! I love it! How did you two meet?”</p><p>“Linkin Park concert in Toronto.”, Kim supplies and Nacho pretends to be fascinated by something behind them to hide his grin .</p><p>Erin gives them both a once over before she responds.</p><p>“You know what I totally see it now. You guys are going to the Greyhound station in downtown, right? I’ll cover your cab fare for you!”</p><p>“Wow, that’s so nice of you.”, Nacho supplies once he has control of his face.</p><p>“Do you think we’ll still be able to get to Denver tonight?”, Kim asks.</p><p>Erin nods as she waits for the cab company to pick up.</p><p>“Oh for sure. They should be able to get you there before sundown. Are you sure you don’t want to report that guy to the cops?”</p><p>They shake their heads in unison, somehow keeping the alarm off their faces.</p><p>“Not necessary.”</p><p>“Really, we don’t want to make any more trouble.”</p><p>Outside, they wait for the cab in content silence and have dropped the overly affectionate façade from earlier. Nacho holds Kim’s beanie patiently as she loosely braids her hair. He hands it back to her along with a cigarette from the carton he bought in Las Vegas.</p><p>“Does it hurt?”, she asks, gesturing to the marks the trucker left on his wrist.</p><p>“No, not at all.”, he shrugs. She shakes her head in disbelief as he lights their smokes.</p><p>“Oh, so now you’re a big tough guy again?”</p><p>“I mean, if I had beat the piss out of that guy, it would have blown any chance of us remaining anonymous so…”</p><p>He again shrugs as he explains himself, but offers a dry smile to go with it.</p><p>“You did great piling onto my act, by the way. The racial slur accusation was just…”</p><p>Kim pauses to give her cigarette a chef’s kiss and it startles a genuine laugh out of Nacho. She levels him with a shocked look and he turns away to stifle another laugh.</p><p>“Please, stop doing the eyebrows thing. You’re too fucking good at it.”</p><p>“I’ll do my best.”</p><p>The silence resumes until the cigarettes are just butts. Nacho clears his throat as he stomps his out on the asphalt.</p><p>“I, uh, wanted to say that when I insulted you yesterday, in front of Mike… I apologize for calling you a murderess.”</p><p>“A ‘gringa murderess’… which kind of has a ring to it.”, Kim interjects.</p><p>“Yeah, I was and still am really on edge about my dad but… I underestimated you.”</p><p>Nacho finally looks up from where his boot is digging into the road. Kim’s breath hitches at how intensely he’s staring at her.</p><p>“I… thank you. And I think you should know that I’m glad you trusted me in… earlier.”</p><p>Kim can’t tell if his perception of her has changed enough for him to be okay with her bringing up their heart-to-heart. She adds a smile to make her vague sentence not seem so cold and calculated.</p><p>“I think it helped.”, he adds neutrally.</p><p>“Good. That’s what friends are for.”</p><p>Nacho regards her with a raised eyebrow, distracted enough by his thoughts that he’s delayed in reacting to the cab pulling up to them. He turns back to her once he confirms their destination with the driver. He gestures for her to give him the duffle bag.</p><p>“Friends, huh?”</p><p>“Yeah, I think so.”</p><p>“I haven’t made any good friends recently.”</p><p>Nacho deposits their bags in the trunk and then opens the door for her.</p><p>“I haven’t either.”, Kim says as they settle into the backseat.</p><p>Even though they aren’t crammed into a small space or so cold that they need to share body heat, they sit close enough that their shoulders touch for the ride into downtown.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Sketch of Kim and Nacho - "Fashionable Stowaways"</p><p>
  
</p><p>Feel free to share/post it on any fan forums/threads!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>“Guera” is a not nice way to refer to a white woman and I was trying to convey that Kim was carrying herself in an “I’d like to speak to the manager” kind of way.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I Was the Match and You Were the Rock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>While Kim and Nacho slow down enough to feel, former enemies and allies get wind of their trail.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jimmy spent yet another workday in an interrogation room keeping the police at bay.</p><p> His story never changed and his concerned demeanor over Kim’s whereabouts was just as unwavering. The fact that the feds were now involved and the search for her was no longer restricted to New Mexico would have shaken most men’s resolve, but Jimmy played it cool. He repeated his version of events verbatim and shed genuine and/or performative tears when necessary. When his interview concluded at seven in the evening, his jailors begrudgingly concluded that he would not be required to return until further notice.</p><p>Jimmy has definitely earned himself a bottle of Zafiro Añejo.</p><p>He vows to only take two or so shots with his Xanax for a very pricy nightcap. In the morning, he’ll start researching the legal and financial complexities of living in an apartment leased in the name of a murder suspect. While numbly ascending the stairs, Jimmy contemplates scamming the complex out of even having to pay rent due to his “emotional pain and suffering” caused by Kim’s MIA status.</p><p>He reverts back to autopilot mode before he can ponder how much longer he’ll even entertain expressing anything at all.</p><p>The key scrapes in the lock. The door is opened and then shut behind him. The bottle of tequila is set by the sink. Jimmy halfway emerges from his trance to rifle through a cabinet for his pills and a shot glass, twisting his mouth as he blindly searches. With one in each hand, he channels his remaining focus to unstopping the tequila. Jimmy needs to be catatonic, needs to halt his rapid-fire thoughts agonizing worry as soon as possible.</p><p>He’s already intoxicated by the promise of relief that waits beneath that beautiful bronze flower. Eagerly, Jimmy loosens his tie and throws the first shot back. The liquid burns as it flows down his throat while simultaneously cooling the pulsing tension that has persisted in his nerves and muscles. His eyes remained lightly closed and he keeps his head tipped skyward as he plants his palms on the countertop.</p><p>He’s relishing in the more permanent numbness that’s setting in, so much so that he doesn’t hear someone enter through the unlocked front door.</p><p>When Jimmy lifts his head and opens his eyes after one last deep breath, Lalo’s cousins from the desert are standing shoulder-to-shoulder in front of their sectional. His heart stops and jolts up into his throat at the same time. His eyes widen in shock and he swivels them back and forth to meet each man’s blank ones. Their towering height is made more oppressive by their heeled boots and well-tailored suits. Their guns are holstered and almost hidden by their jackets, but that doesn’t make them any less threating.</p><p>Jimmy doesn’t even begin to consider possible escape routes and his shoulders relax as he accepts his fate. Talking will be his only way out of the apartment alive. He sighs and regards them once more, much calmer and with better posture this time.</p><p>“Salud, gentlemen?”, Jimmy asks as he raises the bottle towards them.</p><p>No response, not even a blink, for nine grueling seconds. The one to his left with a mole under his eye lifts his chin and regards Jimmy with narrowed eyes.</p><p>“¿Dónde están Ignacio Varga y Lalo Salamanca?”</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>“Would you say your hair is thin or fine? Eloise?”</p><p>Kim looks up from the bottle she’d been examining to see what Nacho is referencing. He gestures to a box of hair dye he’s holding from the other end of the aisle from her.</p><p>“The stuff your dad got was for finer hair textures.”</p><p>“No, my hair’s thicker than that.”, she answers after running a hand over her braid just to double check.</p><p>He nods and drops the box in their basket. They’ve stopped at a Target a few blocks from the greyhound station in downtown for toiletries and a few more changes of clothes. Part of it is to switch up their appearances and another part is to sell the sob story Nacho spun for a hotel near the art district that they had been robbed and had missed their flight. They’ll need to be there within the hour to keep the room he snagged for them.</p><p>“Okay, we got travel soap, shampoo, hair product and new sneakers for you, more clothes, a bigger duffle bag… time to go.”, Nacho sighs as he rolls the cart up to her.</p><p>Kim’s gone back to comparing the ingredients of the tub of salve Caldera gave them with the bottle she took off the shelf. What they were given is almost out and she’s struggling to find something comparable.</p><p>“Are there directions to the lost city of El Dorado on there or… what?”, he asks with an annoyed twinge.</p><p>Nacho is starting to regret admitting to her on the bus ride to Denver that the injuries on his back were flaring up and bothering him.</p><p>“We need something that’s similar to this stuff the doctor gave us.”, she explains.</p><p>“I’m fine with some Vaseline, let’s get going.”</p><p>Kim opens her mouth to argue but drops it when she sees he’s leaned over the cart and regarding her thoughtfully with his chin resting in his hand. Nacho sees right through her little coping mechanism; her meticulous attention to small details is all the control she has in the moment. Keeping eye contact with Nacho, she places both the bottle and some Vaseline into the basket.</p><p>“Deal.”</p><p>With their supplies and Kim’s old duffle tucked into the new one, Nacho leads the way north once they exit the store. They lace hands before they’ve made it to the first crosswalk. After a few blocks, Nacho slows his pace.</p><p>“I can see it in the distance, maybe four more blocks away.”, he says, half-turning toward her with this explanation.</p><p>Kim nods and moves so that she’s even with him, their shoulders now brushing. Nacho scoffs as they pass a Whole Foods Market.</p><p>“Of all the places, I pick a hotel in the hipster area…”</p><p>“It’s Denver.”, she half-laughs back. “Most areas are hipster areas.”</p><p>Still somewhat amused, he reviews their plan for when they get to reception.</p><p>“Okay, I’ll explain the situation to them again, point out my bruises if I have to, and then call you over when they ask for our IDs.”</p><p>“And we got robbed at gun point while out last night and missed our flight?”, Kim confirms while double-checking that their identification cards are in the little wallet and pocket of the jacket she picked out at Target.</p><p>He nods while checking for oncoming traffic. They’re a block away from their destination.</p><p>“I got your back as long as I get to pick where we get dinner.”</p><p>Nacho balks at her while they jaywalk to the entrance.</p><p>“How are you thinking about food right now?”</p><p>“You and I both haven’t had a proper meal in days and I want to make a night out of it.”, she says without skipping a beat.</p><p>They dump the duffles onto a trolley and Kim pulls at a strap on Nacho’s backpack when he starts to walk in with it still on his back. The annoyed glare he shoots at her softens when his shoulder pops as he takes it off.</p><p>In the lobby, he leaves her by a leather couch with their bags to head to reception with a nod. Kim finds the ambiance eerily familiar and sits to unfold one of the maps they’ve picked up, focusing on narrowing down on potential routes north instead. By tomorrow evening, they’ll be within a few hours drive from the border. The disappearance of Ignacio Varga and Kimberly Wexler creeps closer to completion.</p><p>“Eloise, babe? You still have our IDs right?”</p><p>Kim jolts out of her headspace and makes her way over to Nacho. The woman behind the counter is regarding them sadly, so he clearly didn’t have to work hard to sell their story.</p><p>“Do you need any more cash? I can call my dad and have him wire us more?”, she asks quietly while opening the tiny wallet.</p><p>Nacho and the receptionist both shake their heads at her offering.</p><p>“She gave us the room for a reduced rate, actually.”</p><p>“Is there anything else we can do to make your say here more comfortable?”, the woman asked.</p><p>Kim can’t think of anything until she places her hand on Nacho’s shoulder and hears him hiss quietly in pain.</p><p>“Yes, would there be a way to get some painkillers?”</p><p>The receptionist promised to have some Tylenol sent up with their bags and apologized profusely for only being able to offer them a room with two regular beds. Kim and Nacho somehow managed to stifle their relief at not being forced into yet another cramped situation together. No sooner than the door was clicked shut behind the bellhop, they each picked a bed and are redistributing their clothing.</p><p>In one of the smaller pockets inside the black duffle, Kim’s fingers wrap around an oddly shaped glass object. With a frown, she pulls what turns out to be the Zafiro Añejo stopper. She smiles and squeezes it to her chest, taking a moment from unpacking to sit and reminisce her and Jimmy’s first scam together. It had been thrilling then, and she’s not ashamed to admit that same excitement has fluttered in her heart throughout today’s trysts.</p><p>Nacho pulls her out of her reverie.</p><p>“Shower first?”, he asks while toeing his boots off.</p><p>He moves slowly, almost delicately while removing his jean jacket. Now that they’re finally in a place where they can rest, the toll of their travel arrangements on his body hits him full swing. She slips the stopper into her jacket pocket before addressing him.</p><p>“Why don’t you go first? I want to do my hair later and… you’ll probably feel a little better once you shower and change.”</p><p>He agrees and almost seems relieved that she suggested it. Kim busies herself by changing into clean clothes and brushing out her messy braid. She lingers at the mirror by the bathroom door long after she’s finished styling it. Ignacio is doing a poor job of hiding how much his back is bothering him behind it. She sets the salve out on the counter next to her and waits. He emerges without a word, half-heartedly tossing the soiled pad he’s had on under his blazer since before sunrise. He wears the black jeans he brought in with him, but not the shirt.</p><p>“The bandages are still in your old duffle, right?”, he asks, uncaring of his state of undress around her.</p><p>“Yeah. So are the painkillers they gave…”, she trails off as she counts the scars on his chest and abdomen through the mirror’s reflection.</p><p>“You survived being shot three times and left in the middle of nowhere?”</p><p>It takes a moment for Nacho to realize where she came up with that number. He winces and touches the scar on his left shoulder.</p><p>“My boss shot an associate in the face. I just happened to be standing by him.”</p><p>Kim’s turned to face him completely now. She looks like she’s on the verge of tears.</p><p>“And you still got hit?”, she whispers to keep herself calm. Nacho shakes his head.</p><p>“Not with the bullet. It’s his skull fragment that’s under my skin.”</p><p>Kim leans back into the counter, biting her bottom lip as she processes what he just told her. Nacho figures with how her eyes are fixed blankly on the floor, she’ll need a few minutes before she can help him. He sheepishly grabs the skin treatment to take care of what he can.</p><p>From what he can see in the tall mirror by the door, none of his stitches have popped open or are bleeding. Based on where he was aching, Nacho had figured the gashes weren’t the problem. He can see where some of the abrasions are irritated from being rubbed at by his clothing and others that look like they’re in the beginnings of an infection. He treats what he can reach and what doesn’t need to be sterilized. Kim finally walks over to him with a cup of water as he tosses several capsules of Tylenol back.</p><p>“I found some hydrogen peroxide under the sink.”</p><p>Without preamble, she cleans, treats and bandages his back. Nacho can’t contain a hiss or gasp for some of the worse areas and he appreciates her quiet but genuine apologies for his pain. Once the bandages and gauze are secured, she backs away to give him the space to get dressed before speaking up again.</p><p>“How did Lalo do this to you?”, her voice is still a whisper.</p><p>“Before he got me in his car and drove us back to Albuquerque, he tried to hit me with it a few times. That desert in Coahuila is rocky terrain.”</p><p>Ignacio is initially taken aback when Kim has to lower herself onto his bed at his explanation. He’s seen glimpses of her concern with his health and their situation, but she would quickly compose herself and only barely acknowledge her resolve cracking. Even so it’s way more attention than he’s received from Amber. When he’d returned home bloodied from the shootout with Salamancas, all she did was offer him a bowl of mac and cheese without even glancing away from the TV.</p><p>Right now, the reality of the violence he’s been subjected to and depth of the threat Fring and the cartel are to them has hit her like a freight train.</p><p>“Kim, nothing is going to happen to us. We don’t even know if they’re looking for us and we’ll be three states away by tomorrow night anyway.”</p><p>Nacho crosses his arms and lifts his chin to project more confidence in this claim.</p><p>“We need to focus on what we know, what we can control, okay?”</p><p>Kim lifts her head up with a sigh, worrying her lip as she tries to form words.</p><p>“They hurt you even when you were loyal to them. Even then, you were just collateral damage…”</p><p>When she tucks hair behind her ear, he can make out a tear on her cheek. For him. He kneels in front of her to look in her eyes as he tries to downplay all he’s told her.</p><p>“I knew what I was getting into, Kim. I’m not an innocent bystander; I did terrible things for the cartel too.”</p><p>“Did you know, really? Why did you join?”</p><p>She’s staring at him pensively, not buying his tough-guy act one bit.</p><p>“My dad could barely make ends meet when my mom died in ’88… he was never supposed to get involved.”, he admits.</p><p>“You were 16, Ignacio. Half of your life has been in service to these men because you had to be an adult far sooner than was fair.”</p><p>Kim leans down to grab Nacho’s hand suddenly, startling him. But she needs the physical reminder that this is for him, not her own embittered teenage self.</p><p>“What they’ve done to you… you might have to face them again because of me. I am so, so sorry.”, Kim’s grip on his hand is tightening.</p><p>Nacho can’t stomach anymore of her worry, her empathetic stare; his rampant self-loathing won’t let him.</p><p>“Listen to me. We made our own choices and mistakes, years’ worth of them, and that’s why we’re here. We’ve screwed up so badly that we HAD to leave.”, he may have a bit of anger laced into his voice, but Kim knows it’s not directed at her. She nods her understanding.</p><p>“You have no idea how much you’ve helped. You really think I’d be this focused and pushing on if I was by all by myself? Kim, we’ll make it. I promise.”</p><p>Nacho realizes after a beat that he genuinely believes what he’s saying. They are not doomed to die at the hands of men he foolishly sold his soul to as a teenager in the wake of his mother’s death. Fring may have enslaved and further isolated him for the last year, but he is not some omnipotent god who can thwart their escape. Neither of them is known for going down quietly, no matter the gravity of the situation.</p><p>Kim cups both her hands around his, much gentler this time.</p><p>“Today, things went so well. I lost sight of why we’re here and what I’ve done.”, she admits thoughtfully.</p><p>“You can never pretend for too long. It always comes back.”</p><p>Kim shudders and one arm retracts from him to reach into her pocket. She squeezes the stopper as she mulls over his words. Nacho takes this as a cue to slip his own hand off of her leg. He makes his way over to his discarded boots and socks. Now that they’re no longer on the move and in a comfortable setting, he’s realizing just how intense his hunger is. Kim could drag him to the Whole Foods for something to eat and he’d happily oblige.</p><p>“Hey, let’s do room service. If I’m tired, I’m sure you’re exhausted.”, she offers while squinting at a menu she found in the nightstand. Kim feels the bed shift when he slumps into it with a sigh of relief.</p><p>“Do they have Modelo?”, he calls while rolling his socks on.</p><p>“Uhhhhh- yes!”</p><p>Nacho takes the menu she offers when she steps over him on the way to her bed.</p><p>“All the Mexican food has no spice. Dios mio, these gringos…”, he complains, still leaning up against his bed.</p><p>Kim forces out a chuckle from where she’s rifling through the duffle for the maps they’ve accumulated. As exhausted as they are from their travel conditions and their emotional baggage, planning the next step can’t wait. Before offering Ignacio a hand, she squeezes the stopper in her jacket one last time and gently drapes it over her duffle.</p><p>The decision to distance herself from Jimmy’s totem only further eases the tension from the evening. Kim manages reign in on the need nail down a concrete plan or destination. She makes note not only of their suggested routes, but Nacho’s gradually uncoiling posture. He’d been annoyed when he initially learned that she’d bought them tickets to Billings, Montana while he was looking for a hotel room. He sat straight up against the headboard with his arms crossed, maximizing the distance between Kim and her maps. Only when her openness to his input became clear did he relax and begin eating.</p><p>Once it’s decided they’ll look at flying the rest of the way from Billings, it’s only nine in the evening. Kim clears the spread of maps off Nacho’s bed and dumps them on hers for now. She can organize her space while the highlights are setting in her hair. She sets up in front of the tall mirror next to the dresser so she can half-listen to the Royals game Nacho pulled up on the TV.</p><p>“You good with that?”, Nacho calls as he stacks up their dishes. His voice has dropped back into that warm cadence he used when praising her intervention at the gas station.</p><p>She meets his eyes in the mirror with a smile.</p><p>“Yes, thanks though.”</p><p>Kim is truly thankful that the silences that befall them have yet to be awkward. They’re both content to be with their thoughts for a while and can ease back into speaking when ready. When Ignacio asks if she wants a beer from room service, she answers yes, and they return to the quiet again. Meandering small talk isn’t needed.</p><p>Under the guise of tossing the hair products in the trash, Kim surveys the room once she’s done. Room service already came by and Ignacio set her beer on the nightstand between the double beds. It’s on his half though; an invitation. Kim spares a glance at her jacket as she sits down and grabs the bottle, missing Nacho flicking his eyes over at her briefly.</p><p>The silence lingers. They sip their beers and watch the Braves humiliate the Royals half-heartedly. Nacho is completely relaxed against the pillows on his half of the bed while Kim sits cross legged on hers. He’s only on his second beer but is already feeling the effect of them. After another swig, he slumps even further into the pillows and props his chin up on his fist. Kim lets out a chuckle when she sees how hard he’s trying to focus on the game.</p><p>“I should have eaten more today.”, he explains with a shrug. She nods her agreement and sets her own empty bottle back on the nightstand.</p><p>“Don’t feel bad. Being a lightweight does wonders for a budget.”</p><p>“What time does our bus leave, again?”</p><p>“Nine, so plan to be checked out of here by eight?”, she confirms.</p><p>He hums in agreement as she takes a moment to set up a seven A.M. wake-up call with concierge. Settling back into the mattress, Kim catches Nacho looking at her for a split second before he shifts his focus back to the TV. His eyes are glassy like they were earlier, only now they’re wetter. She doesn’t turn away from him. He stays silent for a few more breaths, rubbing the pointer finger of his free hand over his upper lip.</p><p>“I’ve been thinking… about earlier.”, he admits more to the commentator on ESPN than to her.</p><p>“So have I.”</p><p>“You can go first.”</p><p>“Okay then, I -uh…”, Kim starts as she turns to sit facing him and his side of the bed.</p><p>“I want to know what you meant when you said I’m helping you be able to push on.”</p><p>Nacho’s burst of laughter is juxtaposed by tears finally escaping his eyes.</p><p>“I fucking got my dad killed, Kimberly. Would you want to keep going if it were you?”, he spits bitterly.</p><p>“Lalo killed your father, not you. I directly killed a man; he was a rival, but he did not deserve what I did to him. How am I more worthy of being saved than you?”</p><p>“You don’t – I basically signed our death certificates when I joined them.”</p><p>Kim bites her lip to reign on her frustration at Nacho’s skewed opinion of himself.</p><p>“No, Ignacio, you didn’t. You were a child being faced with supporting your family financially and the cartel preyed on that. Me? I made the decision to dabble with criminals and scam my colleagues as a thirty-fucking-five-year-old adult woman because I was bored with the straight and narrow. So again, how am I the better person?”</p><p>“You didn’t fall for the person who killed your last living family member!”, Nacho blurts out. He’s so used to the girls’ empty platitudes of comfort that he’s thrown off by her logical breakdown.</p><p>Kim’s eyes dart side to side as she reflects on his earlier confession. He wipes at his face and takes a sip of beer, waiting for her to catch up.</p><p>“When you were talking about Lalo today…”</p><p>“I was denying it, earlier. I loved him. Even after everything he put me through.”, he says quietly.</p><p>“He was all you had. Fring isolated you from everyone else.”, Kim replies matter-of-factly.</p><p>“No! I had my papa and I shut him out to try and protect him. I-I should have known he would pay the price when Lalo found out what I did. He always has for what I’ve done.”</p><p>Nacho’s voice catches in his throat and he gives up speaking. When he tries to take another swig of Modelo to cover it up, Kim just plucks the bottle out of his hand. After setting it off to the side, she props herself up against the headboard about a body width from Nacho. His eyes are swimming with the tears that haven’t spilled over yet, still trying to fix her with a stern look as she pats the spot in between them.</p><p>“I’m not your husband. You don’t need to baby me.”, he sniffles. Kim turns her body to completely face him. She’s smiling kindly.                                                    </p><p>“This isn’t about what I need.”</p><p>That breaks him. The sob Nacho’s been clamping down on finally escapes his chest. He shakily pushes himself towards her, arms locking around her middle like a vice.</p><p>“Ignacio, I am so sorry for what happened to your papa.”</p><p>Kim strokes his scalp. He rests his chin on her shoulder, still gasping as his tears wet the back of her shirt and the hotel pillow. She never lets her embrace waiver, even hours later, through the sobs and the screams muffled by her body as she bears the brunt of Ignacio’s first wave of grief.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Mike Ehrmantraut feigns a thoughtful demeanor for Erin the Love’s manager while he’s wracking his brain at how to explain the footage he’s about to send to Fring. She’s retelling her version of the previous days events to him, the human resources professional the owner sent following up on her complaint about the Los Pollos Hermanos driver en route to Denver. Even though it’s pointless, he humors her, nods and asks questions at the right times during her explanation.</p><p>The complaint had been vague, from what Fring told him. However, he was certain that this driver had confronted Varga so here Mike is bright and early in Pueblo on what was supposed to be his day off. He had held onto the hope that the video would allow him to distance Wexler from Varga. She could be explained as a good Samaritan who just happened to be there to diffuse the situation.</p><p>But then, Kim and Ignacio kissed in full view of the security camera. They remained affectionate for the rest of their conversation with Erin and even as they walked off screen. He the best he could do is keep Fring from figuring out Kim’s real identity, Mike surmised. He tuned back in for the end of the manager’s monologue.</p><p>“I honestly was not expecting such a prompt response from the company, Mr. Ehrmantraut. Let alone, for someone to be here in person.”</p><p>“Well, this driver has done this before.”, Mike supplies with a shake of his head.</p><p>“This is a fireable offence and we just want to make sure our bases are covered.”</p><p>“Well, good on you guys! You came up here from…”</p><p>“Albuquerque, left way before sunrise!”</p><p>Erin’s face falls even though Mike added a little smile to his delivery for effect.</p><p>“Oh my gosh, I had no idea you had to drive so far. Let me get you a coffee, on me! Any requests?”, she gushes.</p><p>He pauses to think of one that would maximize his time alone in her office with the footage.</p><p>“Hmmmm… if you have espresso and soy milk, that’d be great. It’d be a great pick-me-up for the drive back and I’m lactose intolerant.”</p><p>She leaves with the promise to get exactly what he asked for. Mike saves a copy of the file with the relevant footage onto a thumb drive and emails another one to Fring with minutes to spare. She returns with the offensive tasting coffee and Mike pretends to enjoy it while asking her a few more questions to wrap up his visit. Once he’s out of Erin’s sight, the coffee is tossed in the nearest trashcan.</p><p>Mike sits in his Buick with a sour look on his face, waiting for the call. He answers before the first ring is over.</p><p>“Who was that woman?”, Fring doesn’t even wait for Mike’s usual gruff greeting.</p><p>“No idea. She’s definitely not one of the girlfriends that hangs around his place.”</p><p>“The junkies? No, of course not. She carried herself in a dignified matter. He clearly respects her, too.”</p><p>“How so?”, Mike furrows his forehead as he tries to recall where that would have been evident on the tape. Fring chuckles darkly on the other end of the line.</p><p>“When he kissed her, he asked for permission non-verbally. A very tender gesture from someone like Varga.”</p><p>This realization might possibly be worst than Gus figuring out Kim’s real identity and that she’s wanted for murder.</p><p>“He loves her. We’ll use this to our advantage.”</p><p>Mike can hear that he’s smiling as he says this. He bites his lip in disgust hard enough to make it bleed.</p><p>“What’s our next move?”, he manages to ask neutrally after a beat.</p><p>“The manager mentioned they were headed to Denver. This is a good starting point. I’m meeting with my men before sending them up to rendezvous with you. You’ve earned a respite, wait for a call with updates.”</p><p>They hang up without any further words. It’ll be at least five hours before a crew lead by either Victor or Tyrus will be here.</p><p>Perfect. Mike has plenty of time to make some calls.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Maybe We Started This Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Lines have become so blurred that they no longer exist, but, for now, boundaries must be honored.</p><p>EDITED: 06/13/2020</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Translations:</p><p>"Ve a Denver. Espera más información allí." - Go to Denver. Wait for more information there.</p><p>"¿Qué tal Lalo?" - What about Lalo?</p><p>“Marco. Leonel. Esta es mi esposa. Ella se puede confiar.” - Marco. Leonel. This is my wife. She can be trusted.</p><p>"Entren, los dos.” - Get in, both of you.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Jimmy, I really wish you had called earlier. He’s not doing well and needs to rest.”</p><p>He locks his gaze with Crazy Ei- Domingo to distance himself from the hurt he feels at Kim’s dismissive attitude. As much as he wants to unravel, to bellow into the phone that he’s trying to keep the three cartel members lounging in her apartment off her trail and she needs to be more appreciative of what he’s sacrificing, he can’t. He’ll be dead and disposed of by dawn and there will be no way to mold these men’s perception of their situation.</p><p>He’s got to keep his wits about him, turn on his charm and spin a tale to save all three of their lives.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry. Long day at the courthouse. Those cops are a big fan of your work…”</p><p>Jimmy trails off in the middle of his joke when he registers Kim talking quietly on the other end of the line. It’s not meant for him to hear, though.</p><p>“Hey, I’ll be with you in a minute. I’m sorry I woke you.”, she soothes to Ignacio.</p><p>His lip curls. They’ve only been on the road one day and have, apparently, already slept together. Jimmy suppresses the urge to demand she find a post office in the morning and ship the wedding band back to him.</p><p>“They still don’t know anything. You at least were able to get the hell out of New Mexico, right?”, he continues as if she’d been asking him questions for the time he was stewing silently.</p><p>“Yeah, we’re in Denver. Almost to Wyoming. Our travel plans for tomorrow might change, I’ll have to get back to you in the morning.”</p><p>“I’m sure I don’t need to reiterate this, but I’m going to anyway. There needs to be maximal distance between the two of you and Fring in a minimal amount-“</p><p>Kim cuts him off.</p><p>“Jimmy, he watched his father’s murder and he needs to grieve.”</p><p>She snapped at him so fiercely that Domingo flinched from the stool on the other end of the bar from him. When she speaks again, Kim’s tone is cool, not even attempting to pretend she’s apologetic for that thinly-veiled dig.</p><p>“We’ll leave Denver in the morning, I just don’t know for where yet.”</p><p>“I’ll talk with you then. I found the check from Chuck’s estate, figured I’d wire it to you in the morning to make up the difference. Put his pity money to good use…”</p><p>Kim sighs, defeated that he’s doubling-down and trying to hurt her like she’s hurt him.</p><p>“Call me at eight. Bye Jimmy.”</p><p>Before she hangs up, he can make out her quietly addressing Ignacio again. He snaps the phone shut with a dry laugh and regards the twins on their sectional and Domingo leaning against the bar to his left.</p><p>“She’s still worried about everyone else, even when she’s on the run from a murderous meth kingpin…”</p><p>“Did she say where they are?”, Domingo cuts right to the chase.</p><p>“They’re in Denver, leaving in the morning. No plans on when they’ll leave or where they’ll head next.”</p><p>He pauses for a dramatic sigh.</p><p>“I’m sure you’re aware of how Ignacio cared for his dad. He’s having a rough time with what Fring did.”</p><p>Domingo’s face falls briefly before he schools it to address the twins.</p><p>“Ve a Denver. Espera más información allí.”</p><p>Again, it’s the one with the mole under his eye that speaks for the pair of men.</p><p>“¿Qué tal Lalo?”</p><p>Jimmy feigns an apologetic look as Domingo swivels his eyes back to him.</p><p>“Look, all I know is they got separated when they stopped by his dad’s business. That’s where the shooting broke out.”</p><p>He nods and shoots the twins a solemn look. They linger and stare from the couch for another unbearable stretch of time before slowly rising and exiting the apartment. Domingo doesn’t follow, opting to unstopper the Zafiro Añejo and take a swig.</p><p>“Those gentlemen don’t further require your services as an interpreter?”, Jimmy taps his abandoned shot glass with his inquiry.</p><p>“Nah. The only person they’ll be speaking to in the next few days is Ignacio, and maybe, if they like her, this uh – your former law partner?”</p><p>“Kim, she left a large firm and we’ve been doing practice together for a few years.”, he half-lies as his request is granted. Domingo continues explaining his presence after he sets the bottle down.</p><p>“Besides, I can’t leave the county anyway. DEA’s orders, you remember.”</p><p>He and Domingo pause to take their shots. When Jimmy lowers his head, the other man is regarding him carefully, fingers wrapped around the neck of the bottle; a fairly decent way to assert his dominance.</p><p>“I care more about specifics, anyway. Marco and Lionel are content to go off with a rough outline, but me… I’ve got a few more questions.”</p><p>Jimmy supposes Domingo thinks his demeanor is more threatening when he puffs his chest out and narrows his eyes like that. It just bolsters his confidence that he’ll be able to sell a story to the cartel based on the bullet points Mike went over with him.</p><p>“I understand your partner heading for the border to get Lalo and Nacho to safety once your informant told her of Fring’s plot; she’s worked with them through Lalo’s murder charge. What I can’t grasp is… why did she bother to try and save Nacho’s father?”</p><p>The smirk that began to spread across Domingo’s face halts when Jimmy rests his chin on his fist while looking at him sadly.</p><p>“I guess he never got around to telling you?”</p><p>“Who? Tell me what?”</p><p>His interest is piqued; Jimmy now has the upper hand.</p><p>“Kim and Ignacio grew very fond of each other when communicating over Lalo’s charge. He was the one that approved of her taking over the majority of his case for me.”</p><p>“Wait, wait, wait. I – Nacho and Lalo’s lawyer? They hooked up?”, Domingo’s hands are clasped in a prayer over his lips as he sputters out the question.</p><p>Jimmy raises his hands in surrender.</p><p>“There was a spark almost immediately. They’re like a weird Wild West spin-off of Romeo and Juliet, minus the poison of course.”</p><p>He reaches over for the tequila bottle and swirls its contents as Domingo processes his words. He’s slowly beginning to look less shell-shocked.</p><p>“A lawyer would be a way better girlfriend than Jo and Amber… As smart as he is, actually able to carry an extended conversation.”, he reflects.</p><p>Jimmy stifles his annoyance at the implication that Kim couldn’t possibly be more intelligent than a cartel criminal. He shifts his focus to another selling point of her personality.</p><p>“She got them fake IDs because he was worried about his dad. She killed her old boss for him; he was nosing around and threatened to expose her connections to the cartel. Despite everything, Nacho would not leave without his papa, so she tried to save him too.”</p><p>Domingo’s face softens and he nods his understanding.</p><p>“She’s a ride-or-die.”</p><p>Jimmy has never heard this term and can’t stifle his genuine confusion.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. If that’s what the kids are calling it these days.”</p><p>Suddenly, their dynamic goes from captive/captor to something akin to student/teacher.</p><p>“It’s kind of like the attorney/client privilege thing we have. Doesn’t matter what he does - dangerous, illegal, whatever may ensue – she’s got his back.”</p><p>He nods. Domingo probably thinks it’s in understanding of his explanation, but really, it’s Jimmy coming to terms with the fact that a partner of Kim’s caliber has slipped through his fingers like so much else in his life.</p><p>“She was willing to go into hiding with Papa Varga and a whacko like Lalo in tow as long as it meant her boyfriend is safe… Man, he’s lucky. Good for him.”</p><p>“Yeah, he really is.”, Jimmy agrees flatly.</p><p>He’s done what he needs to. Domingo was engaged for the tale he improvised to hide Ignacio’s role in Lalo’s death and paint Kim as more of an asset to the cartel. Jimmy has now been weaving webs of lies for over half of a day and he really just wants to collapse into a well-deserved sleep. Instead of making his way to the door, his client turned uninvited guest proceeds to sprawl out on Kim’s sectional after one last gulp of Zafiro.</p><p>“That’s sweet of you, really, but I don’t need a bodyguard, Domingo.”, Jimmy says coldly. He just wants to be left alone.</p><p>“Look, man, I don’t want to babysit you either. But until Marco and Lionel meet up with those lovebirds and confirm your story, I’m still skeptical about all this. I’d love it if Nacho found a nice lady and they’re off starting over because shit hit the fan, but betrayal is common in this business. If you’re covering for them, there will be consequences. For all of you.”</p><p>He’s casually pulled out his gun from the holster and is loading it as he explains. It’s terrifying and threatening, but Jimmy’s so tired. He barely even blinks in acknowledgement of Domingo’s reasoning.</p><p>“Besides, this way we can carpool to my scheduled meeting with the DEA tomorrow. Don’t forgot to set an alarm and call her, okay?”</p><p>“Yep.”, Jimmy feels numb and barely manages to utter out that single syllable of agreement.</p><p>With each step towards the bedroom, Jimmy’s wills his thoughts to dull until the only active function left is what’s keeping his legs moving. He can’t linger on the possibility that the story he’s told has painted Kim and Ignacio into a corner they can’t talk themselves out of.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>He’s awake, and has been for about 20 minutes now, but Nacho refuses to open his eyes. He knows that despite spending an inordinate amount of time weeping last night, he still has plenty of tears left to cry. He doesn’t hate his decision to let go in front of Kim, nor does he feel weak for doing so.</p><p>It’s the acceptance that this is all he can do for his papa right now that’s killing him.</p><p>Nacho tucks his face into the pillow one last time and heaves out an exasperated sigh before opening his eyes. Like he expected, the tears that were trapped beneath his lids streak towards the already damp linen under his cheek. He blinks them blearily, trying to clear his vision.</p><p>Kim’s outline becomes clearer next to him with each blink. She’s sitting upright against the headboard, the handset of the room’s phone pressed up to the far side of her head. Her hair is untidy from sleep, the tousled waves loosely draped over the oversized shirt she picked at Target. Kim stares down at his wallet in her hand and nods with a small smirk to whatever is being said over the line.</p><p>“And it went through? Great, thank you so much! And just get them at the box office? Perfect, see you then!”</p><p>After she plops the phone back in the cradle, she turns back to face Nacho. Her voice drops to a more soothing timbre when she addresses him.</p><p>“You can go back to sleep if you’re still tired. We’ve got loads of time before we have to leave.”</p><p>The rays of sun from the window hitting Nacho in the face make him doubt that. He props up on one elbow and strains his neck to see the clock past Kim’s shoulder. It reads ten to eight in the morning. He sits bolt upright and darts his eyes back and forth between Kim and the clock, waiting for her to realize her mistake.</p><p>“We’re catching a different bus. It leaves at twelve.”, Kim explains.</p><p>With a sigh, Nacho flops onto his back, rubbing at his face.</p><p>“Is it because of me?”, he mutters into his hands.</p><p>She pulls at the arm closest to her to lower it from his face. Nacho grips at the fluffy comforter instead as she places her hand on his bicep.</p><p>“You cried for hours, Ignacio. After something like that, you need a good sleep.”</p><p>“Dios mio…”, Nacho struggles to remember through the fog that clouds what happened after their conversation over beers.</p><p>“Nacho, it’s okay. You earned a rest.”</p><p>“But <em><strong>we </strong></em>need to get the hell out of the country, as soon as possible, and now we’ve lost a day of travel. You should have dragged me out the door, especially since I clearly got tears and snot all over you last night.”</p><p>“Don’t feel bad. It was mostly tears, I promise.”, Kim replies thoughtfully, glancing down at the damp spots on her shirt.</p><p>He drops his other hand from his face and let’s out chuckle at her delivery; the lightness in her voice juxtaposes the topic perfectly.</p><p>“I mean, it was probably good you cried on me. The other guests here might have called the cops if they could hear you screaming.”</p><p>Nacho’s jaw drops and the tension returns to his body at her second attempt at a joke. He takes it back. He’s mortified at how out of control he was last night.</p><p>“Oh my god. I don’t - I didn’t freak out did I?”</p><p>He gulps and waits for her to unload on him with wide eyes. Kim worries her lip, meeting his panicked eyes with calm ones. She asks him to sit up to face her and he does, untangling his legs from the sheets to prop himself against the headboard.</p><p>“I can’t even begin to comprehend how this feels for you. I never met my father, my mother may as well not have been there, and I’m not good with being… raw with my emotions. I don’t think you are either, but, like you said, your only living family member died.”</p><p>Kim stops to hand him a tissue from her bag. She waits for him to wipe away the tears before continuing.</p><p>“I don’t know what’s considered a normal way to grieve, but I’m just glad you’re dealing with it. It’s not a burden to me, really.”</p><p>There’s a lot of people he could be illegally immigrating to Canada with… he’s struggling to comprehend that he lucked out and has the best possible companion for the journey. He nods thoughtfully as he picks at the tissue, trying to figure out how to lighten to the mood while also showing his appreciation.</p><p>“That was uh, very touching… coming from someone who needs to run a brush through their hair.”</p><p>“Can I borrow yours?”, she tosses back easily.</p><p>Recently, anytime a woman has interacted with Nacho, it’s to offer some kind of affection up in exchange for meth. While it’s much preferred to how he’s been physically and emotionally used by men, he still knows his existence was basically that of a marionette. Here he is now, bantering with one after he spent half the night smearing his tears all over her sleep clothes. He can’t believe how much things have improved already.</p><p>The burner phone rings suddenly from the nightstand. Kim turns to answer it. Nacho holds onto the moment just a little longer.</p><p>“Hey, Jimmy… Yeah, we’ll be in Cheyenne by three… We’ll wait to hear back from you. Okay… bye.”, Kim ends the call after less than ten seconds with short, curt replies. Her demeanor lightens once she’s facing him again.</p><p>“He’s going to look up where he can wire us about five grand. He’ll call back with an address.”</p><p>“Why don’t you shower, I’ll wait up for his call.”, Nacho can see that she doesn’t want to talk to Goodman more than she has to.</p><p>Kim looks surprised by his suggestion but then her shoulders relax after a beat.</p><p>“Thank you.”, she can’t keep the relief from her voice.</p><p>She takes her time picking her outfit for the day and grabbing her bath supplies. Right as he hears the water turn on, the phone goes off again. Nacho allows it to ring three times before slowly reaching over to pluck it off the nightstand.</p><p>“Varga.”</p><p>“Hey, I – oh, Ignacio?”, the lawyer stammers out after a pause.</p><p>“Speaking.”</p><p>“I was calling Kim back about the money…”</p><p>“The money wire, yeah. She’s showering right now, I got it. What’s the location?”</p><p>The lawyer goes silent for the several seconds it takes him to dig around in the desk by his bed for a pen and pad. Nacho blinks and bites his cheek in frustration as he sits down at the desk.</p><p>“Is there a problem, man?”, he sighs.</p><p>“I, uh, you’re… you’re both safe and staying vigilant, the <strong><em>pair</em></strong> of you?”, Goodman asks after a few pauses. Nacho knows he didn’t mishear the emphasis on the third to last word.</p><p>“Yeah, we’re safe, leaving Denver by noon.”</p><p>“Okay. Great. I’m wiring the money to 800 South Greeley Highway. It’s a Moneygram, south of I-80. She needs to pick it up, it’ll be for a ‘Mrs. Eloise Cavallo’.”, the disdain at the title is palatable.</p><p>Goodman goes silent again as he writes all of this down. Whatever tension has developed between him and Kim apparently extends to Nacho as well.</p><p>“Jimmy, she’s going to be fine. I promise.”, he tries in an attempt to deescalate the hostility radiating through the receiver.</p><p>A derisive snort.</p><p>“Good to know, Ignacio.”</p><p>Goodman hangs up. Whatever the reason is for his heel-face turn in the last day, Nacho will have to wait and hope it will become clear in the next call. Kim steps out from her marathon shower as he’s making some coffee. He waves the paper with the information at her when she meets his eyes. She smiles in return and begins drying her hair. He sips his coffee and busies himself with packing everything into their new duffle, making sure every pocket from the old one is empty and reallocating whatever can’t fit into the backpack. On the way out the door to dump the smaller bag in the lost and found, Kim calls out to him.</p><p>“Can you grab a croissant or something from the café in the lobby, please?”, she asks while slipping on her repurposed earring.</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>When grabbing his wallet and beanie, Nacho decides to take the phone with him too. He wants to confront Goodman if he calls back soon. Sure enough, it rings as he’s walking through the lobby.</p><p>“Varga.”</p><p>“Nacho, are you in Denver?”, Mike barks into his ear.</p><p>He balks and takes a moment to school his features before replying.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Where exactly? Which hotel?”</p><p>“Why?”, he asks while affecting a smile for the employee taking the “lost” bag.</p><p>“Nacho, Fring knows you’re there. The manager called him about the confrontation with the driver and he sent me to Pueblo to look into it.”</p><p>“Anything else?”, he whispers to keep his voice from cracking.</p><p>“He saw you two on camera. He’s prepared to use her against you.”</p><p>Nacho’s breath hitches. He’s thankful that there’s several people in line for coffee in front of him. He needs all the time he can get to slow down his pounding heart. Mike continues in response to his prolonged silence.</p><p>“I’ve got to throw them a crumb when we come up there to snoop around. Can’t let them get suspicious.”</p><p>“I understand.”, he licks his suddenly dry lips and glances at the clock.</p><p>“We’re at the NATIV. Check out’s at 11. Leaving the city at noon.”</p><p>“Going by bus?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>He sighs and pauses to think. Nacho waits with bated breath.</p><p>“You’ll be long gone before we get there. Plan to fly to your next destination. I’ll call back when I can.”</p><p>Nacho nods as he hangs up and numbly orders pastries for Kim and himself. He has to force himself to move at a leisurely pace through the lobby, to the elevators and back to their room. The hours of drive time and hundreds of miles between him and his tormentors feel like nothing now. He’s irrationally imagining opening the door to their room to find Victor or Tyrus standing over Kim, having just given her bullet wounds to match his. Thankfully, she’s still at the mirror when he enters the room.</p><p>“Thank you, I’m starving!”</p><p>When she turns to intercept the croissant, Nacho’s already cleared the room to pull her into his chest.</p><p>“Hey, did something happen down there?”</p><p>“Fring’s onto us. Mike called and said his men are on the way to Denver.”</p><p>Kim returns his embrace at his news.</p><p>“How soon?”</p><p>“Not until way after we’re gone. But I – I…”, he stumbles over his words when he sees how sweaty his forehead is and how tightly he’s squeezing her in the mirror.</p><p>“God, he’ll never leave me alone.”</p><p>Kim pulls away and he releases her. She holds him at arm’s length to look up at him. The slight tremble of her lower lip is the only indicator that she’s as shaken as he is.</p><p>“Let’s check out now. Go hang out in the Barnes and Noble we passed on the way here until we can catch our bus.”</p><p>“Keep moving.”, Nacho agrees.</p><p>“Yes, and please eat one of those before we leave. We both need to keep eating regularly.”, Kim gestures to the pastries he haphazardly dropped on the desk.</p><p>He makes more coffee while mechanically eating his impromptu breakfast. Kim dismisses his offer for a cup of her own, too focused on double-checking that they’ve rounded up all their things. She draws his attention away from nervously sipping his coffee as she’s almost done securing the last of her stuff.</p><p>“No beanie or beanie?”, she pauses to give him enough time to access each option.</p><p>While Nacho’s no expert in women’s fashion, he’s sure the UNM cap clashes with the rest of her attire, mainly with the ripped denim Bermuda shorts and the oversized…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wait…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Is that one of my Henleys?”</p><p>She quirks an eyebrow before responding.</p><p>“Cutesy shit, remember?”</p><p>He nods with a sigh. He tells himself it’s in exasperation, not amusement.</p><p>“No beanie.”, Nacho decides. When she takes it off, she plucks something shiny out of her jacket pocket and wraps it with both articles of clothing before placing it in an outer pocket of the duffle.</p><p>“Ready?”, she asks as she shoulders it.</p><p>Nacho takes a sip of coffee and fixes the part in her hair.</p><p>“Ready.”</p><p>Checking out takes longer than they expected because more people are doing so now that it’s closer to the deadline at 11 a.m. Knowing they still have to walk another ten blocks and pick up their tickets at the station, Kim and Nacho agree that stopping in a store to avoid being seen from the street is not something they have time to do; no matter how anxious Mike’s news has made them.</p><p>Still they maintain their casual headspace and postures for the trek to their destination. Kim counts her steps and Nacho takes tiny, measured sips of his coffee. They make a point to rub shoulders with each step. All it takes to get their tickets is to flash Nacho’s debit card at the box office and it’s about as easy to get approval from the driver to board the bus. Kim slumps into the seats she picked second from the back and Nacho takes the duffle to stow overhead. She’s tipping her head back and gazing out the window at the few other passengers making the trip with them.</p><p>“All good?”</p><p>“Yeah, I uh – was really wired from the news you told me and… I’m just now realizing how tired I am…”, she does her best to stifle a yawn at the end.</p><p>“What was it you said? ‘You earned a rest.’, remember?”, Nacho asks as he lifts the armrest in-between them, one eyebrow raised. Kim lolls her head toward him to squint at the shoulder he’s obviously offering her to lean on.</p><p>“Find whatever’s comfortable. It’s about a two-and-a-half-hour trip.”</p><p>“You’re sweet.”, she’s deadpan but clearly not against the idea. She changes the subject as he pulls out a series of maps she hasn’t seen before.</p><p>“Oh, what are we looking for in Alberta?”</p><p>“Just options other than Manitoba.”</p><p>“Well, I might want to weigh so I’ll just…”</p><p>Her body leans into his, head resting on his shoulder.</p><p>“… read along from here.”</p><p>He tilts the booklet towards her while barely containing a smirk. Kim’s fast asleep by the time the bus departs. Nacho tries to move the right side of his body as little as possible while flipping through the booklet, despite how alert he is from caffeine and lingering anxiousness. Only when he sees they’re exiting the interstate does he move to shake her awake.</p><p>“That was so much better than the chicken truck.”, she grumbles as he helps her up.</p><p>From the information desk inside, they learn that the regional airport only offers passenger flights to Denver and Dallas. Kim bites her lip walks over to sit in the waiting area to contain how angry she is with herself. Nacho joins her after a few more questions to the receptionist.</p><p>“Fuck, I’m so sorry. I thought this was the best last-minute option we had. We should have tried to fly from DIA.”, she’s rubbing one of her temples.</p><p>“What if we had to wait a while for a flight and Fring’s guys decided to fly up there?”</p><p>He’s calm, despite their lack of progress for the day and the closing distance between them and those that want them dead. Kim doesn’t argue with this logic, waiting for him to delve into whatever plan he came up with as she napped.</p><p>“There’s an international airport in Boise and a bus leaves at eight tomorrow. I think we should go to Vancouver.”</p><p>“Really?”, Kim’s eyebrows are raised in shock.</p><p>“I figure if they’re onto us, going to where the IDs are registered is kind of risk. And… my dad said once he had enough money to retire, he’d like to go to the Pacific Northwest. You know, it’s cool and wet, the complete opposite of Albuquerque.”</p><p>Kim relaxes and turns her body to face him with a warm smile. Her eyes are starting to look a little wet as well.</p><p>“I think that’s a great idea, Ignacio.”, she’s practically beaming as she says it.</p><p>Moving forward, Kim lets Nacho lead the way. As much as she’s trying to be discreet, Nacho is very aware of the fond looks accompanied by tiny smiles she occasionally casts at him. He pays the fare for the tickets to Boise and calls them a cab to take them to Central Street where more hotels are. They need to secure a room and get the money Jimmy wired for them in less than two hours. Luckily, the second inn they visit has a room available and the mild complaining at the short notice halts when Kim steps forward and slaps two $100 bills onto the counter. They’re at the room and dropping their luggage onto the bed nearest the door by ten minutes to four.</p><p>“What’s the address again?”, Kim asks when she picks up a city map as they walk by the front desk. When Nacho shows her and describes the general location, she quickly calculates the distance in her head.</p><p>“That’s a little over a mile and a half away. Wanna walk?”</p><p>He considers the time they have to get there and agrees. It’s not a particularly scenic walk away from the city center and towards the interstate. The sun reflecting in the highlights of Kim’s wavy hair is the most pleasant part of his view by far. Nacho walks slightly behind her, keeping a watchful eye on their surroundings as well as the uneven sidewalk as they get farther from the main drag of shops and businesses. Thankfully he’s looking up and doesn’t run into her when she stops to answer the phone when it goes off.</p><p>“Text from Mike. Fring’s guy are flying into DIA; clear the area if we’re there after all.”</p><p>Nacho squeezes her shoulder as she clutches the phone to her chest and lets out a relieved sigh.</p><p>“See you did fine, phenomenal even, making up for what happened last night an-“</p><p>She turns her body to face his squarely. One hand clutches the lapel of his blazer, the other tenderly laces over the faded bruises by his hairline once she shoves the phone into her shorts pocket.</p><p>“Listen to me, Ignacio. What you went through last night was not a mistake and it did not scare me. You grieved, further opened up to me and continued to prove my original perception of you wrong.”</p><p>Nacho is not ashamed to admit his heart skips a beat at that last part.</p><p>“How so?”, he manages to ask neutrally.</p><p>“When we first met, all I had to go off was how Jimmy described you from years ago and how you were barely reacting to having your fucking hip reset. I had you pegged as an emotionless, murderous backstabber before I even spoke to you. And then you started talking.”</p><p>Kim bites her bottom lip at the reflection, clearly ashamed at her judgement. Her hand loosens from his shirt to press flat into his chest.</p><p>“You do the same things I do to protect yourself from others, to survive. But it wasn't all for you. It was to save your father and one day be able to be yourself with him again. You’ve been proving me wrong in <strong><em>every</em></strong> conversation we’ve had. I have so much respect for you, Ignacio.”</p><p>Nacho swallows thickly. He wants to kiss her so badly and he can see that she does too. He’d known that the line between pretending to show affection and actually being affectionate became blurred for him pretty rapidly; he hadn’t known that she wasn’t far behind him all along. However, there’s good reason he has to put this moment on hold, and it’s in the form of a thin metal band pressed against his jawline.</p><p>“Kim, I’ve changed my opinion about you and I respect you too.”, he whispers while tenderly stroking the inside of her wrist with his thumb.</p><p>“But I think we should do- talk about this another time. Everything is still raw right now.”</p><p>Kim glances at her wedding band when she realizes that’s what he’s referencing.</p><p>“It’s over.”, she tries to sound unbothered.</p><p>“You still love him, though.”</p><p>“I can’t even be with him anymore! There’s nothing I ca-“</p><p>“No, what you can do and need to do is slow down and start to deal with it.”, Nacho places his hand over the one on his chest and laces their fingers.</p><p>Kim’s eyes flash and she pulls away from him slightly, not enough to affect his grip on her hand.</p><p>“You’re not a rebound for me. I’m not pretending or trying to escape”</p><p>Her tone is defensive.</p><p>“Same goes for me.”</p><p>Kim huffs in frustration. She’ll never get to see her partner again and his is dead; what reason is there to string things out?</p><p>“Then why are we-“</p><p>“I don’t know what my feelings mean and I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>Kim sighs and looks sideways towards the highway. She knows he’s right.</p><p>“I don’t know what mine mean either, but they mean something.”</p><p>“There’ll be time when all this is over to figure it out.”</p><p>She looks back to him and is met with a gentler version of the intense stare that frequents his face. Her breath hitches. He steps in to wrap her in a fierce embrace that she returns.</p><p>“So, again, you’ve blown me away. And I feel like we’re just scraping the surface.”, she murmurs into his shoulder. A beat of silence and he presses a kiss above her ear.</p><p>“Like I said, there will be a better time.”</p><p>They keep their hands linked for the rest of the walk. Even with the impromptu heart-to-heart, Kim is tucking the 5,000 dollar traveler's cheque into her pocket with 20 minutes left before closing time.</p><p>“I meant to tell you earlier, but your hair came out beautiful.”, he says as he opens the door for them.</p><p>The blush that spread across her face is imperceptible, but Nacho can make it out as she brushes past him through the exit. He’s about to suggest calling a cab back to the hotel so they can figure out what to do for a proper meal when he sees Mexico plates out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>It’s attached to a black SUV parallel parked along the side of the Moneygram building. Two identical bald man in suits are flanking the vehicle. He sees one of them reach for where his gun is holstered, eyes locked on Kim.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He pushes Kim behind him as he faces the cousins, his hand squeezing hers.</p><p>“Marco. Leonel. Esta es mi esposa. Ella se puede confiar.”, he fights to keep his lip from curling at them as he speaks.</p><p>“Nacho, are they-“</p><p>“They’re not with Fring, they’re Salamancas.”</p><p>He can almost feel Kim’s realization that she’s in over her head. She squeezes his hand back to convey she’ll stay back and follow his lead. When Leonel shifts his threatening gaze away from Kim and to his brother, Nacho allows his hope in the situation deescalating to grow. Marco finally regards the pair with a nod.</p><p>“Entren, los dos.”, he opens the back door as he speaks.</p><p>Nacho turns back to Kim and places both hands on either side of her face, pressing their foreheads together.</p><p>“We’ll be okay. Stay calm, stay alert.”</p><p>When she nods shakily, Nacho kisses her desperately. That alone tells her he’s not so sure they’ll survive the evening with the Salamanca twins.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Don Eladio: <em>Ignacio Varga, what do you want?</em></p>
  <p>Nacho: <em>What do I want? Respect. I want to make my own decisions. Go my own way...</em></p>
</blockquote>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. We Were Born with Nothing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Some alliances and relationships are pushed to the breaking point, others begin to flourish.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>REST IN PEACE, Papa Mando<br/>(1948 - 2020)</p><p>Translations:</p><p>“Gire a la izquierda en el siguiente semáforo.” - Turn left at this next stoplight.</p><p>“Tercer edificio a la derecha.” - It's the third building on the right.</p><p>“¿Te casaste?” - You got married?</p><p>"Ella mató a un hombre poderoso por mí. El era su amigo.” - She killed a man who threatened me. He was her friend.</p><p>"¿Qué tal Lalo?” - What happened to Lalo?</p><p>"Nos tendieren emboscaron. Creemos que fue asesinado en la tienda como mi papá.” - They ambushed us. We think he died that night at the shop like my father.</p><p>"Ya he terminado. Fring me ha quitado todo... No, no todo.” - I want out. Fring took everything from me... no, not everything.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>His head start on the men he’d be picking up later in the afternoon gave Mike ample time to think. Fring clearly intended for him to be here just after noon to get leads on Kim and Ignacio’s next destination. The only thing is, everyone else thinks that all they have is a starting point. Mike has a direct line with their targets. He even touches base with Ignacio and Kim via text after he learns that his backup will be arriving by plane.</p><p>There’s no mystery to solve, so he just sits in his Buick across from Coors Field and thinks about how he’s dropped everything to come here. He won’t get to show Kaylee how to write her name with sparklers on July 4<sup>th</sup>. He canceled lunch with Stacey last minute; she’d stopped by to confront him on the way to her six-a.m. shift at Lovelace as he was hiding what he was able to salvage of Ignacio’s cash.</p><p>He’s doing all of this to his girls for Ignacio’s last shred of hope to continue the legacy his father died for; living as an honorable and straightforward man. At best, their trust in him is wavering further and at worst, he’s potentially risking their lives if his treachery is uncovered. Fring has proven himself just as ruthless as those twins that threatened Kaylee with one coldly delivered metaphor.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>A dog who bites every owner he’s had can only be disciplined with a firm hand or be put down.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Mike is under no illusion that he would be spared from the same treatment afforded to Varga. He realizes he might even welcome it. Despite being privy to Nacho’s motivation for his attempted murder of Hector Salamanca, Fring doesn’t seem to appreciate just what a cornered animal is capable of.</p><p>If not him, then who?</p><p>He tosses his half-finished Pimento sandwich and considers very briefly if popping into the hotel Ignacio and Kim stayed at last night would be necessary. He does it anyway, just to make sure his bases are covered. All he has to do is flash the picture he snatched from Nacho’s missing person poster and Kim’s ID photo at reception and he learns much more that what Nacho was able tell him.</p><p>“Yes, that couple checked out this morning. They missed their flight and needed a room last night. They were mugged.</p><p>“I’m Detective David Clark, I took Martin and Eloise’s statements.”, he quickly flashes the PI badge he used on Lily Simmons.</p><p>“I wanted to see if they’d come in for another interview. We think we found their attacker, repeat offender.”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, detective, but they checked out right at 11. I’m sure they’ve made it onto a flight by now.”, the receptionist really does sound apologetic.</p><p>“You think they had enough money to do that?”, Mike asks, mainly to check how well the pair covered their tracks.</p><p>“The wife, Eloise, mentioned getting money wired from her dad. They were short on cash but had a way to get more, it seemed. Did you need copies of their identification?”</p><p>Mike shakes his head “no”, assures her they’ve already got that information at the station. He waits until he’s outside to drop the polite smile off his face. According to his watch, Victor and the others land in about an hour. He’s got more that enough time to touch base with Fring and, hopefully, nudge him toward seeing hunting down Varga as a wild goose chase.</p><p>“Yes.”, that cold voice greets after a ring and a half.</p><p>“They stayed in lower downtown last night and left this morning. Paid in cash. The receptionist believes they flew out through Denver International.”</p><p>Mike’s rundown is met with a thoughtful silence. Only then does he decide to offer up his opinion then.</p><p>“If that’s the case, I think we’ve hit a dead end. Who knows where Varga and his woman could have gone?”</p><p>A less hardened version of Mike would have shuddered at the low chuckle that echoes through the receiver.</p><p>“We have enough information to find them, believe me. The only obstacle is money. Besides, I don’t think he would be brazen enough to travel through the largest and best surveilled airport in the country. Did you learn more about the woman?”</p><p>Begrudgingly, Mike offers up another morsel of honesty.</p><p>“Varga referred to her as his wife to the receptionist. He called her Eloise.”</p><p>“Are they using new identification cards?”</p><p>“The hotel didn’t take any on file. Varga told a very convincing story about them being attacked and robbed.”, he lies smoothly. Dropping by the NATIV turned out to be a crucial decision, fueling his confidence to help him navigate across the tightrope he placed himself on.</p><p>“That is acceptable. Victor already has the last name.”</p><p>Fring drops that bit of information so casually that Mike replays it in his head a few times before speaking up again.</p><p>“Last name of…?”</p><p>“Varga was picked up by Victor and company to assist me in… motivating him to infiltrate Lalo’s inner circle. Victor made note of a debit card under a different name in the back of his wallet. He’s been monitoring it’s activity.”</p><p>“Victor has?”, Mike picks up on that tiny slip of the tongue. The corner of his mouth quirks into a smile at Fring’s imperceptible huff of frustration.</p><p>“He sat on this information, yes. It was to better observe Varga’s behavior, predict any plans he may have to flee.”</p><p>“It’s a credit card, not a Tarot card”, Mike snarks to cover up his frustration at this new bump in the road.</p><p>“We all should have been made aware of this immediately, but now is not the time to dwell. There are other, more pressing… conflicts of interest at hand.”</p><p>Mike quirks his eyebrow in a sneer as if he were standing in front of Fring’s desk for this sudden shift in the debriefing.</p><p>“Michael, Varga is not your son.”, he states smoothly. Mike bars his teeth at no one and squeezes the phone up against his ear as he processes where Fring is going with this.</p><p>“I am well aware of his death and the parallels between these two situations. I am trusting you to remain professional.”</p><p>“Of course.”, Mike drawls slowly enough to pass off as his usual unaffected delivery.</p><p>He hangs up only at Gus’s dismissal. His mouth remains curled into a scowl for the entirety of the drive east to the airport. Right as the sun is sinking below the roof of the attached Westin hotel, he spots Victor a taller and buffer man - Mitch, he thinks- exiting the building with their carry-on bags. Mike squinting out his own window is the only way he can force his still simmering rage to remain dormant as he registers that Victor is already on the phone with the credit card company.</p><p>“It’s my brother. He’s having a bipolar episode and he stole my debit card... We just want to find him before he hurts himself.”</p><p>Victor is taking pleasure in his ploy. He makes eye contact with Mike while shoving his backpack under the dashboard and shoots him a smirk.</p><p>“Martin Cavallo… the security code is 505… No, that’s not an option. He’s done this before and he just hitchhiked to Vegas when we cancelled the cards… I just need something, anything to help my family and the authorities narrow down where he could be.”</p><p>He and the other men remain quiet for the remainder of his call. Victor wraps up the performance as Mike merges onto the east beltway.</p><p>“Two transactions at two different Greyhound stations. They recommended getting more information from them.”, he snaps out of the concerned voice he’s put on for the operator.</p><p>“How far away are we?”</p><p>“Thirty minutes, if rush hour doesn’t affect that.”</p><p>It did. Not that an additional half hour in traffic is going to make a difference. They’ll be within walking distance of Kim and Ignacio by midnight if Victor is able to convince a night shift employee to pull up any transactions associated with the debit card. He parks down the block from their destination and pulls out his second burner phone as he watches his men’s retreating backs.</p><p>“Hello?”, Nacho answers after a few rings.</p><p>“Are you and Kim still safe?”</p><p>“Yes?”, he responds after an awkward pause.</p><p>“Find a way out of Cheyenne, tonight. They are coming for you.”, he thumps the steering wheel for emphasis, eye laser focused on the entrance to the bus station.</p><p>“What do you mean? They’re already here.”</p><p>“No, they’re-“, Mike blinks a few times when he realizes they’re clearly not talking about the same thing.</p><p>“Who’s with you and Kim?”</p><p>“Hector’s nephews. The twins.”</p><p>Mike’s eyes snap shut. He sinks back into his car seat.</p><p>“Oh, Christ.”</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Nacho is officially sick of being in the backseat of an SUV driven by Marco and Leonel. The third time is the charm for him. He genuinely would rather be bleeding out as they drive him to be operated on without anesthetic. At least then their intentions were clear.</p><p>He revisits the headspace he had when he went to confront the Espinozas with them, neutral but actively observing the environment and calculating their next move. Kim’s hus- Goodman had to have given the twins the address they would be heading to for the money wire. What he can’t figure out is where they stand with the twins after they’ve converged with Goodman; and what they need to say in order to reaffirm Nacho’s valor while establishing Kim’s.</p><p>He makes occasional eye contact with Marco in the rearview mirror, pointedly not blinking. When his eyes flick away from his and to his left, Nacho knows Kim is copying his demeanor. When she meets Marco’s eyes, she’ll squeeze his hand.</p><p>He reciprocates to hide just how much her arm is quaking.</p><p>“Gire a la izquierda en el siguiente semáforo.”, he directs when he makes out Central Avenue in the distance.</p><p>There’s an imperceptible vibration against his side; another text came in on Kim’s phone. She turns toward him and reaches for his opposite shoulder so they can disguise stealthily reading the message as an embrace. Kim flips it open to Jimmy’s announcement typed out in all capital letters.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>CALLING. 10 MIN.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Tercer edificio a la derecha.”, Nacho supplies more directions as he straightens up to address Lionel again. He keeps an arm around Kim’s shoulder.</p><p>Once they’re parked towards the back of the lot, the twins exit simultaneously. Marco waits by the hood of the car as Leonel circles back to open their door. Kim would be dwarfed by him even if she were standing, so she completely freezes as he makes to grab her upper arm. Nacho leans over her lap and plants his hands on the frame of the car, his nose inches from Leonel’s.</p><p>“Do not touch her.”</p><p>He’s upset enough at Leonel’s unwarranted show of force that he forgets to slip into Spanish. His body language and tone of voice are enough to convey his aggressive objection, however, and Lionel steps back to allow them to exit unassisted. The approval he’d earned still lingers. It alone may not be able to save them, though.</p><p>The twins manage to look only mildly intimidating while escorting them up to their room. Marco walks behind the pair and Leonel is in front of them, limiting their ability to make a run for it without being too obvious. They crowd Kim as she swipes into their room. She’s back to hiding how rattled she is. She even goes as far as holding the door open for all three men and gesturing to them inside.</p><p>Nacho’s mind is racing a hundred miles per minute, trying to figure out how to sweet talk their way into being left in private for a call with Goodman. The looks he and Kim shared for the walk up were that of bewildered surprise that Marco and Leonel hadn’t just driven ten minutes out of town to kill and dispose of their bodies. Somehow, Goodman put in a good enough word for them to explain and excuse fleeing New Mexico; they just have to figure out how to back it all up. Kim handing him their change of clothes pulls Nacho out of the downward spiral of his internal monologue. She turns back to the cousins where they stand shoulder to shoulder in front of the exit.</p><p>“We’ve had a long day of traveling and need to shower. Why don’t you take this and get your bags in the meantime?”</p><p>Kim boldly extends the room card to Marco as she addresses him. After a beat, Nacho realizes she expects him to translate and he does. Marco raises an eyebrow as he looks back and forth between her and Nacho. Slowly, he leans in to take the card from Kim. With a firm nod, he dismisses Leonel to watch them from a nearby chair. Marco holds their gazes as he slowly leaves the room.</p><p>Nacho heads to the bathroom as she rounds up soap and shampoo to sell their act. Dropping the clothes on the floor, he turns the water on to the highest setting. He waits until Kim locks the door behind her to finally speak up.</p><p>“That was brazen.”, he half jokes, half states matter-of-factly.</p><p>“Shit, do you think I pissed them off?”</p><p>“No… they respect cool confidence like that. That was good.”</p><p>“Do you think… is it likely they’ll kill us?”, she whispers nervously, almost quiet enough to be drowned out by the shower.</p><p>“No, they wouldn’t have walked in the front entrance with us like that if they were just going to kill us. They need to know something from us…”</p><p>Kim pulls out the phone and studies it as she lowers down onto the edge of the tub.</p><p>“I hope we can provide them with what they want to hear…”</p><p>He sits down on the closed toilet, knees bumping hers, and they wait for the phone to ring. She leans back to stick her head under the spray of the shower in the meantime. It finally rings as she’s toweling her hair dry. Nacho plucks the phone up and turns the volume all the way up as Kim leans in closer to the receiver.</p><p>“Jimmy, are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I uh, gotta make this quick. The DEA really feel that Domingo is the Holy Grail of information on Lalo’s whereabouts. Don’t know how much longer they’ll keep him.”, Jimmy explains quickly through the speaker.</p><p>“Does he know that we’re together?”, Nacho speaks up.</p><p>“Yeah and so do the twins. What, uh, what is that I’m hearing in the background?”</p><p>Nacho rolls his eyes in a <em>“No shit.”</em> kind of way to his answer.</p><p>“It’s the shower. We’re in the bathroom bec-“, Kim starts to answer but then halts when a bitter cackle erupts from Jimmy’s end of the line.</p><p>“Oh, does he need you to help him <em>‘grieve’</em> in the shower now?”</p><p>“Excuse me?”, Kim gasps back.</p><p>“The fuck are you implying, man?”, Nacho’s words betray the calm tone he asked the question in.</p><p>“I heard you, last night, Kim. The way you were talking to him and you were so ready to hang up on me… It’s pretty obvious that you fucked him.”</p><p>Kim abruptly stands at his accusation. She stares down at the phone in her hand with her jaw set, the nails of her free hand digging into her palm. Nacho makes it clear he’s not going to jump into the conversation when he leans back and fiddles with her… his golden spike earring.</p><p>“Jimmy. We didn’t do anything like that. You’re projecting. You’re the one who relied on sex to function after Chuck died. How else was I supposed to get you to stop staring at the fucking wall? Ignacio cried and I held him. That is it.”</p><p>She’s surprised at how calmly all of this comes out.</p><p>“I just… I can’t believe I did this to us, to you, Kim. I’m supposed to be the fuck up and burn all that we had to the ground. Not you.”</p><p>“You didn’t ruin me. I ruined me. The potential has been there, for years. You’re not the only reason I am the way I am. I’ve tried to fix people ever since I was a child. And since I couldn’t fix you, I became like you; it’s what I do to survive.”</p><p>She feels raw and pathetic for finally admitting this to him. It doesn’t help that her entire body is vibrating, either because her head is cold from the water or that Jimmy has said so much to offend her in such a short period of time. The fact that the one other person she’s revealed this truth to is still looking up at her in that thoughtful and intense way is the only thing keeping her throat from closing up.</p><p>“You didn’t ruin me. But if you don’t get it together, Jimmy, you <strong><em>will</em></strong> kill me.”</p><p>“What does that ev-“</p><p>“The cousins are already here.”, Nacho leans back in to explain. Kim quickly lowers the phone between them so his words will be picked up.</p><p>“They’re waiting for us to take a shower. That was the only way we could take this call in private.”</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>“If you had listened to her and contained your pity party, we’d probably be done by now. So get on with it, Goodman.”</p><p>After a few breaths, Jimmy outlines the narrative he spun for Domingo. It involves a secret relationship that intensifies rapidly, Kim going to great lengths to protect themselves and escape death after learning of the assassination attempt and Ignacio’s attachment to his father ultimately leading to his own death and likely Lalo’s.</p><p>“Jimmy, that all sounds like a Shakespearean drama.”, is all Kim can sigh in response.</p><p>“Domingo ate it up. He really doesn’t want to have to kill you, Nacho.”</p><p>“Well that’s one thing that’ll work in our favor.”, he offers neutrally, still deep in thought.</p><p>“Anything I should go over again?”</p><p>“No, the twins don’t care for details. Our best bet is to sell the basics and elaborate if they ask any questions.”</p><p>“Domingo wasn’t kidding.”, Jimmy huffs.</p><p>“Thank you, Jimmy. This is more than enough material to go off of.”, Kim speaks up in a tone that betrays her eagerness to end the call.</p><p>“Kim, just, I want you to know that-“</p><p>“Yeah, I know, I accept your apology. We don’t have time for this. Touch base with us once you’re away from Domingo again, okay?”</p><p>He’s in the middle of trying to explain himself further when Kim presses the end key. She glances back at Nacho as she grabs her change of clothes from the pile he dropped.</p><p>“Time to get into costume.”</p><p>Wordlessly, they stand back-to-back to strip and redress. Nacho takes a few moments to splash some of the water over his own head and upper body before he shuts it off. He awkwardly begins removing some of the dressings on his back before Kim is finished changing. There’s a mirror on the wall but he avoids using it to eliminate the possibility of accidentally seeing her in any state of undress. Right as he’s struggling with the hook holding the gauze wrapped around his abdomen, Kim steps in to unclasp it. Nacho’s arms lower back to his sides.</p><p>“It already looks better than yesterday. The abrasions are healing.”, she informs him as she rolls the wrap up.</p><p>“It doesn’t hurt as much either. I can wait ‘til later to wrap it again.”</p><p>He finishes buttoning his jeans and pulls on the t-shirt she picked.</p><p>“If you have to bring up Mike, do not reveal his name or what he looks like. They know him and don’t like him.”, Nacho looks over to Kim for her agreement right as she twists the wedding band off and drops it into the trashcan.</p><p>Her eyes may be narrowed and her jaw is set again, but her trembling lower lip betrays her true feelings. He stoops and digs it back out for her.</p><p>“Hey, don’t do something like that right now. You might regret it.”</p><p>“I can’t believe he thinks so little of me. Like I have no agency.”, she sounds so wounded and glares down at the ring as he offers it back to her.</p><p>“I’m not some damsel in distress, Nacho.”</p><p>“I know. And I think he knows that too, but it came out wrong.”</p><p>She relents with a sigh when he pulls her left hand away from her side. Nacho slides the ring back onto her finger. He doesn’t miss her sharp intake of breath as he does it.</p><p>“Hold onto it for the time being, think about it and make a decision later. Right now is a really bad time to.”</p><p>She looks up at him with a sigh of begrudging agreement. Her ring presses into the webbing of his fingers when she grips onto his lingering hand. After a shared deep breath, Kim unlocks and opens the door.</p><p>Stepping back into the main part of the room, Kim and Nacho notice that their bags have been moved from the bed nearest the door. The twins clearly still think they’re not above trying to escape. Marco and Lionel sit facing them in chairs on the far side of the bed, watching them with upright postures that perfectly mirror each other. After Leonel pats them both down for hidden guns, Marco gestures for them to take a seat on their “new” bed.</p><p>“¿Te casaste?”, Marco asks as his brother is taking his seat.</p><p>Nacho’s eyebrows furrow imperceptibly as he remembers his earlier slip-up. He’d panicked when he saw that Leonel looked like he wanted to pull his gun on Kim. In the moment, he’d blurted out what he thought would best reduce the chances of them harming her. Thankfully, Kim thinks quickly, holding her left hand up to show them the ring in lieu of his brief silence.</p><p>“Not officially, yet, anyway. We – uh… planea casarse.”</p><p>While the cousins’ eyebrows shoot up in surprise at her relatively clean Spanish, Nacho translates and adds a brief history of their relationship. Doubt passes over their faces again when he clarifies how short the timeline was. At that, Nacho decides it’s time to introduce their Hail Mary element to sell it.</p><p>“Ella mató a un hombre poderoso por mí. El era su amigo.”</p><p>Kim recognizes the word for “death” and their eyes flicking over to her as her cue to take over. She pauses every sentence or so for Nacho to translate for her.</p><p>“My old boss and former friend, Howard Hamlin, was trying to sabotage my career. He found out about my personal and professional relationship with Ignacio and wanted to use that to get me arrested and disbarred. This would also land Nacho in prison or get him killed. I could not let that happen. He had to go.”</p><p>Kim’s attorney voice and demeanor along with the slight tweaks Nacho makes as he translates work in their favor. She is holding herself as someone who could be driven to violence if the stakes call for it. Nacho purposefully shifts closer to her and rests his hand on her leg. This combined with his modifications to her vernacular can steer the cousins to see her as just that; someone who realistically could have very recently broke bad for one of their lieutenants.</p><p>“I’d already made the fake IDs when we learned about the assassination attempt because of Howard. I grabbed them when I went south to try and save Ignacio and Lalo.”, she adds after another beat of silence.</p><p>“¿Qué tal Lalo?”</p><p>“Nos tendieren emboscaron. Creemos que fue asesinado en la tienda como mi papá.”, Nacho adds solemnly, his matter-of-fact demeanor breaking now that he’s finally mentioned his father.</p><p>In their own way, the twins show sorrow at the confirmation of their cousin’s murder. Nacho even feels bad for them, despite what Lalo has done to him in turn. He waits for Marco lift his gaze up from his lap back to the couple before he continues on.</p><p>“Ya he terminado. Fring me ha quitado todo.”</p><p>Kim puts her hand over his on her leg and squeezes. He looks over at her with a sad smile.</p><p>“No, no todo...”</p><p>She holds his gaze, unflinchingly, until they both realize the twins are now towering over them, blocking the light from the outside window. Leonel has drawn his gun and Nacho realizes a split second later that this is it, they failed to fool them. Once he and Kim are disposed of, they’ll call for Domingo to do the same to Goodman.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>At least I kissed her once…</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He blinks as Leonel places the gun, holster and all, in his lap, almost missing the nod of approval directed at him. Marco is focused entirely on Kim.</p><p>“Señora Varga.”, he addresses her neutrally as he extends a hand to her. Once she slowly places her own tiny hand in his, he lowers to kiss the back of her hand.</p><p>When Kim turns back to Nacho, they both just blink at the terrifying yet tender gesture.</p><p>The twins go back to their seats a little while later. It’s agreed open that they’ll drive Kim and Nacho the 400 miles to the larger Salt Lake City airport instead of taking a bus to Boise. They even unload their arsenal of guns from the suitcase they brought so Kim and Nacho can transfer their clothes and supplies to it.</p><p>Kim’s had a death grip on the back of his shirt from the moment they first opened the bag. Leonel silently begins to clean the pile of guns stacking up on the bed before loading them into the duffel. When they’ve finished repacking, Nacho finds a Spanish soap opera for the twins and he and Kim huddle together on their new bed. He’s trying his best to appear unfazed while Marco stands by the door like a bouncer and Kim squeezes his right arm into her body.</p><p>“What in the hell is happening? How did we pull this off?”, Kim mutters into his bicep, her wide eyes fixed blankly on the telenovela.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“They were going to kill us like an hour ago. This is so surreal.”</p><p>Nacho snickers in agreement.</p><p>The burner phone rings on the dresser by the gun Leonel gifted them. Nacho reaches over a still stiff Kim to answer it. When he recognizes the number, he nudges Kim and she unwinds an arm to take it from him.</p><p>“Yes? Hi Jimmy… We’re fine. The chaperones like us and we’re only allowed to hold hands on top of the covers…”</p><p>She’s so deadpan that the twins see no need to pay attention to or question her so Nacho bites his lip to keep from laughing.</p><p>“Listen, Jimmy, I don’t even know right now. And this is not a conversation I’m going to have with you before him, anyway.”</p><p>He sharply looks back at the TV and pretends he’s just as invested as Leonel is for the rest of her conversation. She calmly sets the phone down between them and begins to casually play with the ring again.</p><p>“Don’t…”, he whispers and takes her hand to hide her fiddling.</p><p>“I’m not.”, she relaxes into the pillows like he is. Her cheek presses into his shoulder.</p><p>“Did he ask if you ‘like like’ me?”</p><p>“It was the beginning of a downer speech on why an alpha male like you is a better choice for my personality type anyway.”, Kim supplies tiredly.</p><p>“I don’t know… it seems like I have a lot you can try to fix too…”</p><p>Kim tenses and swivels her eyes toward him. Nacho’s pointedly still staring at the TV.</p><p>“I don’t think that way about you at all.”</p><p>“But you do about him. And you two still got married.”</p><p>Nacho finally turns his head to look at her as she huffs and closes her eyes in exasperation.</p><p>“Getting married was the only way to save the relationship and from testifying against each other. He threw me under the bus and I wanted control again. I thought I had him figured out and he trusted me like I trusted him.”</p><p>She flops her head back into the pillows and narrows her eyes at him at the memory.</p><p>“He tricked me, after all I have done for him. I don’t think you can say you were as blindsided by… him.”</p><p>She may be offended by his reasonably accurate dissection of her and Jimmy’s relationship based off of one conversation, but she censors herself to keep from attracting the attention of their new bodyguards.</p><p>“Not in the same way…”, he agrees in a far-away voice.</p><p>Kim kicks herself for bringing Lalo up again like that. When she turns and wraps her arms around his middle, Nacho still needs a few more seconds before he refocuses on her and responds.</p><p>“You were great when we had to trick the driver, but it’s something you did with him, wasn’t it? I saw how much of a thrill that was for you. That was about surviving for me.”</p><p>She understands the unspoken meaning.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’m not like that and I’m trying move on.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I realized later what that was about for me.”</p><p>“And I know my relationships were fucked up, by the way… but I needed them.”, he concedes with his chin resting on her head. She squeezes him a tad tighter.</p><p>A somewhat less awkward silence falls over the room. The twins have switched places on guard duty. Kim’s interest in the old soap opera playing becomes more genuine. Right as he’s debating on attempting to convince Marco it’s safe to leave for food for the second time, the phone buzzes again. Nacho reaches between himself and Kim to answer it without skipping a beat.</p><p>“Hello?”, he answers after a few rings.</p><p>“Are you and Kim still safe?”, that familiar drawling voice greets him abruptly.</p><p>When he spares a glance down at her, Kim’s tilted her head up to hear more of Mike’s end of the conversation.</p><p>“Yes?”, he responds after a pregnant pause.</p><p>“Find a way out of Cheyenne, tonight. They are coming for you.”, he barks.</p><p>“What do you mean? They’re already here.”</p><p>“No, they’re… Who’s with you and Kim?”</p><p>“Hector’s nephews. The twins.”</p><p>Both Marco and Leonel seem to realize they’re being talked about as he says it.</p><p>“Oh, Christ.”, Mike groans after a thud.</p><p>“We’re fine. They’re going to protect us and get us to an airport.”, Nacho reassures him.</p><p>“Fine, but do not use that card and avoid the Greyhound station when you leave. We’ll be there in a few hours.”</p><p>Nacho sits up abruptly at his instructions. He loosens his other arm around Kim, but she sits up with him anyway.</p><p>“Fring knows about the debit card?”, he whispers.</p><p>“Since you were taken from your house. Victor’s been monitoring your deposits and transactions for months.”</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>“They’re homing in your route through Greyhound. Leave as soon as possible and get rid of that card.”, Mike repeats himself with a hint of desperation.</p><p>“What about you? It won’t take much for them to figure out someone on the inside told us all this when we’re not there in the morning.”</p><p>Everyone’s attention is on him, but Nacho is almost hyperventilating as he stands up abruptly, connecting the dots in his head.</p><p>“What about your girls?”</p><p>“Nacho… I won’t let anything happen to them.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’ve made that promise, too…</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He gets an idea when he catches the cousins standing at attention, waiting for his debriefing after the phone call ends.</p><p>“We won’t let anything happen, either.”</p><p>The frustrated huff on the other end of the line is barely audible.</p><p>“Why don’t you two brainstorm with your new bodyguards and call me in half an hour with your decision?”</p><p>When he hangs up, Nacho carefully words his explanation of who just called and what he was just told for the cousins. He turns back to Kim to find her looking up at him expectantly with her eyebrows pinched together.</p><p>“Are we leaving tonight or staying to face them?”, her nervousness at his answer is betrayed by how quickly she asks the question.</p><p>She balks as he kneels in front of her for the second night in a row. He reaches for her hands before she even thinks to.</p><p>“If we leave, Mike and his family could be killed. He’s deep in the game with Fring. He’s all his granddaughter has.”</p><p>Kim blinks the wetness out of her eyes and lifts her chest with a deep breath.</p><p>“Okay. I trust you.”, she says wetly.</p><p>He jerks his head up at the cousins while still crouched in front of her.</p><p>“¿Quieres enviar un mensaje al Chileno? Para Lalo?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Final translation:</p><p>“¿Quieres enviar un mensaje al Chileno? Para Lalo?” - Do you want to send a message to the Chilean? For Lalo?</p><p>... DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. We Sure as Hell Have Nothing Now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An explosive confrontation works as an accelerant in Kim and Nacho's own relationship. </p><p>*SPOILERS IN THE TRANSLATIONS/CHAPTER NOTES*</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Our July 4th and Canada Day weekend was hot and steamy so I made this chapter even hotter and steamier...</p><p>X-----X</p><p>Translations:</p><p>"¿La lastimó?" - Did he hurt her?</p><p>"Te lo promento." - I promise.</p><p>"Eres tan hermosa en este momento." - You're so beautiful right now.</p><p>"Dios mío, qué bella, como una diosa..." - Oh my god, so beautiful, like a goddess..."</p><p>X-----X</p><p>"The italic sections" indicate Kim's inner monologue or her headspace during her fugue state.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Signs and lights from the main drag of downtown Cheyenne filter into the hotel window to allow for the sparing detection of silhouettes in their pitch-dark room. All light sources in the room have been switched off, except for the alarm clock on the middle nightstand with glowing red numbers. Kim almost doesn’t blink as she watches the time creep closer to midnight one digit at a time. She’s on her side and observing this over Nacho’s outline, his insistence on placing his body between her and the twins doing little to quell her uneasiness.</p><p>This entire afternoon has officially rendered her nerves shot.</p><p>Everything from the Salamanca’s presence to their risky plan that involves her and Nacho being briefly taken hostage by these men who intend to use her against him is terrifying. She’ll be expected to remain tightlipped and calm when Fring’s men corner them, even while her life is inevitably dangled in front of Nacho like a carrot on a string. Still, an equal part of her fretting comes in the form of the risk to Nacho and Mike. She barely knows either men and they’re clearly career criminals, and yet they’re not batting an eye to trust her, the newbie, the liability.</p><p>Kim’s actually flattered to be so readily accepted into “the game”, but it’s not enough for her inherent need to have control.</p><p>Kim tenses and barely manages to swallow a shriek at the movement she detects at the end of their bed. One of the twins is silently returning from the bathroom; she didn’t even hear him get up the first time. At her sudden jolt of movement, Nacho rolls onto his side to face her.</p><p>“They’re not going hurt us, Kim. In fact, I think they like you.”</p><p>“That’ll change once they figure out it’s all a crock of shit.”, she whispers back fiercely.</p><p>He quirks his head in acknowledgement of her point.</p><p>“Well, by the time they do, we’ll be in another country and they’ll have to flee south for a while anyway.”</p><p>Kim works her jaw in frustration and goes back to watching the clock creep to midnight, trying to ignore Nacho even though his face is less than a foot away from hers. She gives up with a tiny scoff when he begins rubbing her arm from under the covers.</p><p>“I get the sense that something else is on your mind…”, he trails off.</p><p>“Earlier, when they found us, why did you kiss me?”, she mutters while still avoiding his gaze. “Since, you know, you were so in favor of putting our feelings on the backburner not 30 minutes before that.”</p><p>Nacho exhales a long breath. It’s warm as it blows past her ear.</p><p>“I wasn’t sure what they would do. I was afraid to die without kissing you once. For real, not part of a show for others.”</p><p>“I’m scared of that too. There’s a lot I’m realizing I’m afraid of tonight.”, she rushes out while trying to keep her voice to a whisper.</p><p>He waits for her to collect her thoughts and continue.</p><p>“Beyond just the immediate risk to me, you and Mike, the uncertainty will never go away. What’s ‘normal’ or in our control anymore, even once we cross the border? We’re starting from scratch, Nacho, with new names and new careers in a foreign country. Will they really leave us alone or will we always have to be vigilant and ready to disappear at the drop of the hat? And just keep starting over again and again? What - what if, things change for – for… us and we don’t want to or can’t do this together anymore?”</p><p>Kim begins fiddling with the ring under the covers again as she begins stumbling over that last sentence. Nacho pulls her into a hug to make her stop.</p><p>“Neither you and I can know exactly what’s next or where we’ll end up. I… can’t promise much other than I meant what I said to the twins earlier about not losing everything…”, he pauses, hoping to God this doesn’t come across as cheesy.</p><p>“You and I have lost a lot, and we’re starting with literally nothing, but we won’t be alone.”</p><p>She melts at that. It’s something, a small promise of security; exactly what she needs at the moment.</p><p>The lamp by the window suddenly flicks on. Leonel adjusts the blinds to peer outside from his seat, gun cocked and held level with his ear. Kim swears after she startles. He tightens his arms around her waist when she buries her head into his chest.</p><p>“Don’t look at them. It’s just you and me.”</p><p>He kisses her cheek as she nods shakily against him. When he lifts his head, Kim moves in turn to catch his lips with hers. Neither want to be the one to break contact first. It the darkness, her arms snake around his neck and their silhouettes become one.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>It takes very little to convince the man behind the money wire desk at Western Union that the 44,000 in cash they need to convert into traveler’s checks is gambling winnings. He immediately goes into a diatribe about his own luck at that same casino in Wind River and it’s nothing to play off of him to win further favor with the guy. Kim even manages a few appropriately timed smiles and laughs despite her crippling nervousness.</p><p>“She’s a poker maniac, man. No tells, cool as a cucumber and just kept getting good hands. Before we knew it, she’d won over 30 G’s for us.”, Nacho beams at her.</p><p>“I’m happy to continue the streak for you folks.”, he hands them the three checks of about 15 grand each. “Have a great rest of your trip.”</p><p>Walking to the Greyhound station, Nacho gently takes the complimentary coffee from the bank out of Kim’s shaking hand.</p><p>“We’ll be on the interstate to Utah before they can figure out what happened. After this, they’ll have to leave us alone; Fring’s too cautious to allow any further possible mistakes.”</p><p>Kim takes several deep breaths and focuses on uncoiling the tension in her body one part at a time. Marco and Leonel pull up alongside them to pass the debit card and the money they withdrew back to Nacho. She’ll call it victory that she doesn’t recoil at their blank stares when they nod in acknowledgement and approval to her.</p><p>The cousins head to park at the agreed upon spot about two blocks from the station. Victor will be getting notified of the activity on Nacho’s card any minute now and send Mike to investigate. Once he confirms that he’s headed south and away from the scene, Kim and Nacho will walk right into their trap from the east.</p><p>“How much did they get?”, she mutters to Nacho. Their pace has slowed since the station is now in sight and Mike hasn’t called yet.</p><p>“Two thousand, there’s still at least another seven on it though.”</p><p>“How badly do we need the rest?”</p><p>“I’m not sure but we can’t risk trying to use or withdraw it right now.”, Nacho answers thoughtfully; it really isn’t that much, even in their situation.</p><p>Three blocks to go and the phone rings. Kim immediately hands it over to Nacho.</p><p>“I’m going to wait nearby, out of sight but close enough to hear the gunshots. You two count to one hundred and then continue walking.”, Mike drawls.</p><p>“Got it. Thank you, Mike.”</p><p>“Best of luck to you kids. I mean it, don’t die; there’s six-figures with your name on it taking up valuable space in my floorboards.”</p><p>Nacho startles at this news enough that Kim whips around to look at him from where she was studying the entrance to the bus station.</p><p>“You saved some of my money?”, he rasps.</p><p>“Enough to help fund those last-minute ID changes and then some. It wasn’t much of a dent so Fring didn’t notice. I’ll get it to you when things die down.”</p><p>When Nacho lifts his head up, a tear of gratitude rolls from his eye. Kim’s throwing her arms around him a split-second later.</p><p>“Mike… thank you so much. I – I can’t even…”, he sniffles.</p><p>“You’re welcome. Goodbye for now, Ignacio. Tell Kim I said hello.”, he returns softly.</p><p>When Nacho hangs up, he fully returns Kim’s embrace to ground himself and focus on their next steps.</p><p>“We’ll be just fine without the rest of the card money.”, he laughs into her shoulder.</p><p>They’re approaching the box office a few minutes later, fingers linked and vigilantly scanning the crowd in the plaza. Kim had tugged on his hand when she caught sight of where the twins left the SUV, a few blocks north and peaking out from a building corner. It’s been left unlocked with the keys stashed in the glove compartment; they’ll be escaping in that car since the twins will have no problem stealing another one with their arsenal of guns. Where exactly they are is unknown, but they’ll show themselves only when Victor strikes first.</p><p>Kim opts to claim their tickets at the window, knowing she’ll just keep nervously glancing around if she’s not otherwise occupied. Nacho fiddles with the Hammerless in his jacket pocket while waiting next to her. He’s decided to forgo the beanie today so that the mostly healed bruising on the left side of his face from Lalo’s wrath makes him more obvious in a crowd.</p><p>He thinks it helped. No sooner than they’ve passed the first row of benches and kiosks in the lobby, they are quickly flanked. The arm that winds around his back and over his right shoulder, belongs to Victor. He can tell by the height and how he’s just establishing that there’s no escape with his presence rather than unnecessary assertiveness.</p><p>Kim gasps when the second man grabs her forearm so roughly that her hand is yanked from Nacho’s. He’s steering her far more forcefully than needed; he’s taller than even the Salamanca cousins and possibly stronger as well. Nacho recognizes the heavily tattooed arms overpowering her as the ones that dragged him from his bed and restrained him when he fought wildly for his father. A vein in his forehead actually bulges and his chin trembles in sheer rage when he meets the man’s smug stare.</p><p>“Mitch… don’t.”, he warns, the only thing keeping him from unloading the gun at him through the jacket is the fact that Kim will likely be hit too.</p><p>“She’s pretty, Nacho.”</p><p>Victor speaks up to direct them outside where they would have boarded their bus. Thankfully, Mitch’s grip on Kim slackens slightly.</p><p>“How’d you find us?”, Nacho asks out of obligation. Victor scoffs in reply while pulling out his cellphone.</p><p>“You’re not very careful with your money, man.”</p><p>Well beyond the loading area, they come across an alley between the station and another building. Victor jerks his head to the side. Mitch yanks Kim around by grabbing a fistful of her hair.</p><p>“That’s excessive, man. She’s not a threat to you.”, Nacho growls.</p><p>“You gonna tell your pops on me?”</p><p>“Both of you shut up.”, Victor’s already dialing Mike to come get them.</p><p>“I’ll put you in the trunk like your buddy if you can’t behave, Varga.”</p><p>When Nacho makes to lunge at him, Victor smoothly unholsters his gun and clicks off the safety. He points it at Kim, one eyebrow quirked in a challenge.</p><p>“Hands up by your shoulders, back up against the wall.”</p><p>He lets out a shuddering breath and does as he’s told. Nacho makes eye contact with Kim as Victor moves to watch the entrance of their alley for his phone call. Her eyes are wide and wet but she breathes evenly through her nose. Both of her hands are wrapped around Mitch’s as he holds her up almost on her toes by her hair. She refuses to make a sound.</p><p>“What’s your real name, <em>Mrs. Cavallo</em>?”, Mitch snarls in her ear. He’s watching Nacho tremble in anger as he asks.</p><p>“Giselle St. Claire.”, she replies coolly.</p><p>“What the fuck, Varga, this your mail order bride?”</p><p>Before he can retort, Kim beats him to it.</p><p>“No, we met at a Linkin Park concert.”</p><p>Mitch realizes she’s messing with him, but Victor whistles to get their attention before he can yank on her hair any harder.</p><p>“Ehrmantraut’s circling around to get us right here. Quit being so rough with her in the meantime, Mitch.”</p><p>Victor approaches with his gun drawn again as he releases Kim and grabs her upper arms instead. He swivels his eye between the three of them before finally resting on Mitch.</p><p>“What the hell’d she do to get your panties in a wad, man?”</p><p>“She’s got an attitude problem.”</p><p>Victor looks back at Nacho after that comment.</p><p>“Match made in heaven.”</p><p>He doesn’t dignify that with a response. He focuses back on Kim.</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m okay.”, she confirms after a deep breath.</p><p>Silence falls over the group again. Victor occasionally meanders towards the bus bays to see if their car is approaching. Kim stares at the toes of Nacho’s boots while occasionally wiggling her wrists and fingers in Mitch’s tight grasp. Nacho quickly scans their two points of exit while staring down her captor.</p><p>The far end of the alley leads to a parking lot that he knows for sure is way too open for them to not be sitting ducks. The exit Victor is guarding is really their only option; the twins parked the car behind the building he can see out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>Victor’s about to turn back to them after surveying the traffic for Mike when he jolts to a stop.</p><p>“What the…”</p><p>He’s staring at something out of their sight further down the sidewalk. Mitch picks up on his unease when he unholsters his gun again in full view of nearby civilians.</p><p>“Hey, Victor, man, what’s goi-“</p><p>Right as Victor ducks behind a nearby pillar for cover, a bullet soars from the far end of the alley and into Mitch’s shoulder. Both he and Kim scream, the former in agony and the latter in shock. Nacho whips his head around to see Marco rapidly approaching them, his eyes dangerous. The impact ripped his grip from Kim’s right arm and she’s frantically trying to free herself from his other hand. On instinct, Nacho cocks the P95 in his pocket and fires into his stomach.</p><p>Once freed, Kim’s panic propels her toward the bus bays, where hysteria has broken out in wake of Victor and Leonel opening fire on each other. Nacho grabs her arm and pulls her back with him into the wall before she can run through the crossfire.</p><p>“¿La lastimó?”, Marco asks while peering around the corner with his gun at eye level.</p><p>Nacho pulls back to check Kim’s quaking body for any wounds before he shakes “no” to Marco. He still turns and shoots Mitch’s body again for good measure. A few more bullets are exchanged before Leonel makes it to their alley, lugging the duffel full of guns. Nacho tightens his own backpack straps as they reload or switch weapons. With one final nod, the cousins step out and walk further into the bus depot, guns blazing.</p><p>All he has to do is tug on her arm and Kim’s flight response switches back on. They bolt across the street, Kim so blinded by panic that she almost drags him at certain points. Traffic has stopped and other passersby are fleeing the shooting in all directions. They blend right in.</p><p>Nacho thinks his hip nearly pops out of place several times when he tries to reign Kim in and get her to change directions. She’d probably just run in a straight line until the adrenaline ran out or she passed out from exhaustion. He practically has to plant both feet and yank her arm out of her socket to stop her from passing the SUV.</p><p>“Kim, stop! Kim, hey, we’re here! We’re safe.”</p><p>She whips around and he chokes on his next breath when it becomes apparent how shaken she is. Kim is full on sobbing and tears are streaming down her cheeks. She’s shaking so much that she can hardly get in a proper breath, let alone form words. Mitch’s blood is splattered on her face and neck.</p><p>“Hey, hey, hey… It’s over. We’re safe.”</p><p>He pulls her into his arms. One hand on her back, the other strokes through her hair.</p><p>“It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.”</p><p>Nacho repeats this mantra soothingly until her quaking lessens and she slowly returns his embrace. Her head lolls onto his shoulder and he feels her breath even out against his throat.</p><p>She allows him to help her into the passenger seat after that, moving with little care or coordination; she’s still crying so hard that it can’t be easy for her to see much of anything. Nacho’s behind the wheel once he double checks that their suitcase is in the back.</p><p>“It’s okay.”, he reassures one last time while leaning over and buckling her seatbelt.</p><p>He kisses her tear-streaked cheek before starting the car and heading south to merge onto I-80.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Kim only comes out of her self-induced catatonia a handful of times.</p><p>She jolts back to awareness when they stop for gas a few hours west of Cheyenne. Their eyes meet as Nacho gently wipes the dried blood off of her face and neck, his other hand supporting the back of her head. He quietly informs her of their location and coaxes her to take a few sips of water. She’s back to staring blankly out the passenger window once he’s back in the driver’s seat.</p><p>He rouses her again after buying their tickets and checking their suitcase in for the flight to Vancouver. Kim blinks as Nacho wraps her hands around her fake ID, passport and plane ticket.</p><p>“I need you to stay with me, just to get through security, okay?”, he pleads with her, their foreheads pressed together.</p><p>She nods slowly and he thinks she tries to say something, but it comes out as just some shuddering exhales. They make it through TSA smoothly and it’s not until they’re approaching the international terminal that Kim vomits the meager contents of her stomach into a trashcan. He holds her hair back and supports her weight until someone gets them a wheelchair.</p><p>Nacho busies himself trying to find lodging for when they land via payphone while checking the phone for Mike’s sporadic text updates, keeping an eye on Kim throughout.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>MITCH DEAD. VICTOR INJURED. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>TWINS UNKNOWN. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>OTW TO ABQ. FRING’S ORDERS.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He’s at least thankful that all his promises to Kim weren’t in vain.</p><p>She has a final moment of awareness after they land and as they deboard the plane. Nacho doesn’t prompt this one. Maybe she could sense his overwhelming relief once they step onto Canadian soil. On the walk to customs, her limp hand slowly returns his grasp.</p><p>“Thank you.”, she whispers into his sleeve.</p><p>She’s quiet through collecting their bag, the cab ride to downtown, and check in at the hotel. But she never loosens her grip.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>
  <em>Kim drifts, locked deep within her mind for safety. Moving, speaking, thinking on her own is too dangerous, so she’s shut down. Doing too much will draw those men back to them and they won’t be able to survive a second confrontation. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nacho can’t die for her when he wasn’t even allowed to do that for his own father.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’s a basically a doll now, a passenger of her own body, just watching passively as things happen and move around her. But she’s aware of everything. She sees and feels everything he does for her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Each gesture makes a tiny crack in the plastic veneer that encases and immobilizes her; </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He kisses her cheek and dabs at her tears. He carefully wipes the blood off her with a baby wipe. He speaks to her as if she’s hasn’t been rendered mute and unresponsive by the bullets whizzing by her head and the blood splattering across her front. The more he talks, the more she wants to listen, to comprehend, to show him that she’s there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nacho is telling her a story about his mother as they cross into Utah. It was shortly before she died, she was helping him practice his rumba for a junior dance competition. He grabs her hand to better show how he was struggling with his grip and arm placement. It’s then when he notices the lingering smudges of blood on her on her finger and wedding band. He cleans both with the last baby wipe, without skipping a beat in his story.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s then she has the strength to wiggle his fingers in his grip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Slowly, the veneer cracks further through the day. She tries to speak before getting in line for security. Her muscles and nerves uncoil enough for her to finally throw up in response to witnessing a murder. She recovers for the duration of the flight and is finally able to hold Nacho’s hand back and express her gratitude for his hours of diligent care.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thank you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s weak and whispered, but Kim finally manages to say it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He acts like it’s nothing and everything all at once.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The shell is almost completely shattered, but she exhausted herself getting to this point. Nacho pulls through though; he does the finishing touches for her. When her tucks her in and kisses her temple, it falls in shambles from cocooning her mind body.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’s well rested when his touch awakens her in the morning. </em>
</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Nacho blinks sleepily awake, the sun rising over the mountains to the east shines directly into his eyes. He rubs his face and cracks his neck before looking over at Kim on the bed. She’s curled in on herself under the covers in the exact spot he left her in when he collapsed on the sofa. He stands slowly, stretching his limbs and back delicately, and moves over to her. The tremors and the far-off look in her eyes that he’s all too familiar with are no longer there. She’s truly asleep and resting. He gets up to leave her in peace for just a little longer with one last stroke of her arm.</p><p>In the common bathroom attached to their room, Nacho unloads some of their toiletries at one of the sinks. They’ll be here for a while, might as well claim a vanity so that they can feel somewhat at home. When he’s in the shower, his mind is elsewhere rather than appreciating the cleanliness and the pleasant temperature of the water. He has to actively focus to relax his shoulders away from his ears several times as he worries about Kim.</p><p>She’s at the very least still reeling and traumatized from the confrontation yesterday. The blank demeanor of her entire body is a world of difference from when she’s simply just being quiet to take in and analyze their situation. She had blindly let him lead her through their entire journey from leaving Cheyenne until he physically maneuvered her into bed last night, with the exception of the few times she returned to reality at the airport. He’s only known her for five days, but he knows letting others lead her without question is not in her character.</p><p>Nacho resolves to let her sleep as long as she needs; they’ve got over a week to figure out a more permanent living situation. He’s dried off and stepping out of the shower with the towel around his waist when he sees Kim waiting at the sink. She’s leaning against the shelf attached to the mirror, faint bags under eyes that were focused intently on his face before he’d even opened the glass door all the way.</p><p>“Oh, shit, sorry. I didn’t wake you did I?”</p><p>Kim shakes her head ‘no’ in response.</p><p>“You can sleep a little longer if you want. I’ll hunt down some breakfast and wake you up later.”, he gulps when she wordlessly blinks at the suggestion.</p><p>Kim pushes off the shelf and closes the distance between them in a few steps.</p><p>“No.”, it escapes her lips softly, just a hair above a whisper.</p><p>“You good?”, Nacho knows his eyes are darkening, so he reigns what little control he has into keeping his voice calm.</p><p>A hint of her playful smirk returns. She hooks her arms loosely around his waist, fingers playfully working the material of his towel.</p><p>“Yes.” Kim tilts her head up to meet him in a kiss.</p><p>It starts slow, almost as tender as when they did this while the twins were keeping watch for them. Nacho lets her lead, wanting to make double-sure that she’s all there and wants him. Kim nips at his bottom lip and deftly untucks his towel. He breaks into a smirk when she drags him toward their room and it takes several steps for the towel to become unstuck to his butt.</p><p>He’s peeling her pants and underwear down her legs almost before she’s landed across the bed. Nacho kisses a trail behind them. His actions have caused her hands to tremble enough that Kim’s barely managed to unbutton and remove her shirt when he shifts back over her. She struggles to unhook her bra.</p><p>“Hold on, I got it.”</p><p>It takes her two more tries to release the hook and slide it off her shoulders; Nacho looking up at her through his thick eyelashes with a tiny smile made it that much harder. He barely breaks eye contact with her, only flicking them down briefly to take in Kim’s bare breasts. When he looks back up her, her head is quirked to the side. Her highlighted brunette hair falls across her face and she lightly bites her bottom lip. Nacho leans in, she shimmies herself back into the pillows, lips breaking into that same little smirk he has right before their mouths crash together.</p><p>Deep breaths echo through their room into the open common restroom but they don’t care. Nacho shivers in between her legs as she rubs her feet up and down his thighs. Kim’s back arches involuntarily when his mouth suckles her breasts in place of his hands.</p><p>“Wait, Nacho, you don’t have to.”</p><p>“I want to. Te lo promento.”, he whispers while planting a chaste kiss to her lips. One hand holds hers pressed into the sheets while the other snakes below her belly button.</p><p>He licks and kisses her chest with intention, like he wants to taste every square inch. Her knees fall wider that she ever thought possible when their eyes meet again as Nacho strokes the apex of her sex. He watches her reactions to his mouth and free hand intently with blown pupils. Kim is running her left hand over his scalp, so when she occasionally jerks at his ministrations, she shoves his face impossibly deeper into the valley of her breasts.</p><p>His stubble and facial hair scrape over her skin in just the right way that Kim’s torso jolts off the bed. She focuses whatever functioning neurons she has left into not digging her right heel onto his still tender back when he latches onto her breast immediately after. Nacho squeezes her hip in acknowledgment of her efforts. He crawls up her body after one last nip that made one of her eyes twitch. She’s still shuddering with pleasure but eagerly kisses him once he’s level with her face again.</p><p>“I taste good, huh?”, she asks when she pauses to take a breath.</p><p>Nacho tears away from her with a full body shudder of his own. With the dark look he gives her, Kim can tell he almost came himself when she huskily whispered that into his lips. Pressing her luck, she pushes them both up onto their knees. Right as she leans in to kiss the triangle earring, her hand wraps around his cock.</p><p>He holds himself up with hands on her hips as she licks and sucks along his neck, occasionally sucking his ear lobe into her mouth. His breath hitches and he’ll squeeze his hands with every few strokes. Kim unlatches her lips and pulls back to watch his face. Her own breath halts.</p><p>Nacho’s always been handsome. She’d been able to reluctantly admit that to herself following their first conversation when it became clear he wasn’t the murderous psychopath Jimmy made him out to be.</p><p>But now, jaw slackened, eyes fluttering closed, one eyebrow quirked up into his forehead… he’s stunning.</p><p>Kim kisses into his slack mouth and wraps her arms around his neck. Nacho moans throatily into her mouth and it makes her lose her balance. She lets gravity pull her back into the mattress, completely fine with being crushed under this man’s weight. Somehow, Nacho catches himself and slows his descent onto her body.</p><p>“M’m sorry.”, he says dazedly, kissing her chin while holding his upper body in a half pushup.</p><p>“You okay?”</p><p>“I’d be better if you were inside me…”, she quirks a corner of her mouth up while writhing against his abdomen for emphasis.</p><p>Again, the black pupils in Nacho’s eyes expand at her suggestion. She already can’t get enough of that aspect of his responsiveness. He surges forward for one last teeth-clacking kiss before sitting up adjusting his position between her knees. Kim flings her legs akimbo while he strokes her inner thighs with his thumbs. He nearly loses it again when he looks up to see Kim prop up on her elbows to watch him enter her.</p><p>She gasped like she’d been doused in cold water for the entirety of the slide into her vagina. Nacho is shaking like a leaf as he bottoms out and she clenches around him. He softly kisses the tense column of Kim’s neck when she collapses back into the pillows, head thrown back with a sigh.</p><p>“Oh, Nacho…”, she finally moans. Her trembling hands caress his scalp and between his shoulder blades. Her feet point and flex along the back of his thighs.</p><p>“I need sec…”, he mumbles into her ear.</p><p>She hums her understanding as Nacho snakes his arms up between the mattress and her back, fingers curling up around the tops of her shoulders. He uses the arm placement to lift his upper body off her once he’s more used to her overwhelming warmth. His torso hovers a few inches above hers as they kiss lazily; Nacho slowly begins thrusting his hips into hers.</p><p>“Are you going to be a showoff and do a plank the entire time?”, Kim whispers in between sloppy kisses and gasps.</p><p>“That’s a trick for next time.”, he laughs into her mouth. When he picks up the pace, her ankles hook together and her heels dig into the base of his spine.</p><p>“Please… hard- oh! Harder…”</p><p>Nacho unwinds from her embrace and plants his palms on either side of her head for leverage; anything to entice more of those high pitched <em>ohs</em> from her throat. How he doesn’t come instantly when staring down at her gasping face and feeling her palm press into his abdominals, he’ll never know.</p><p>“Ignacio, yes, yes, oh my God!”</p><p>“Eres tan hermosa en este momento.”</p><p>Her Spanish may be rudimental, but she recognizes the word for “beautiful” and the next gasp of pleasure Nacho elicits from her is a half sob.</p><p>Beautiful. Her. With her at-home dye job and make-up free face. In the middle of panic-induced meltdown. Because she narrowly escaped a shootout. And the one person who knows how this feels, has survived several far worse situations, is looking at her like that and telling her she’s beautiful like this. Kim pulls him down to blanket her body again, peppering any part of Nacho’s face she can reach with kisses.</p><p>“Fuck, I… I need…”, Kim pants.</p><p>“What? Tell me.”, he breathes into her jawline, slowing down his thrusts.</p><p>“I want to… need to switch.”, she taps his bicep as a signal to flip over. She blinks tears from her eyes as they maneuver around, thankful he got the message because her throat feels like it could close up at any second.</p><p>“<em>¡</em>Ohhhhhhh Mierda! Dios mío.”, Nacho pants as she sinks down around him again. Kim manages a broken giggle at his reaction through her own shuddering.   When she plants her hands on his chest and begins rolling her hips it only lasts for a few strokes. At this new angle, that’s all it takes for her to begin to see stars and lose control of her hips. Nacho’s gaze lifts up from where his thumbs were stroking circles around her hip bones when one of her hands leaves his chest. It’s now wrapped in her hair and she’s gazing blankly over his shoulder. “I don’t know why I thought this would be easier…”, her lower lip is quivering.  </p><p>“Are you okay?”, he rasps as he props himself up for a better look at her face, straining to find clues on what this is about.</p><p>“I’m more than okay.”, Kim blurts in a sob, her voice cracking every other word. “It feels so good but I can’t make it last…”</p><p>She must look insane to him, crying about how good sex with him is while still fully seated on his dick. How the hell is he being this patient with her? She finally looks up when he starts rubbing across her shoulders. Nacho is trying to regard her as neutrally as possible, but she still sees that familiar wetness in his eyes.</p><p>“Let’s stop, then.”</p><p>Now it’s her turn to question his sanity. Kim releases her clenched fist from her hair and looks incredulously back at him.</p><p>“No.”, a few tears escape her eyes as she says it. She pushes him flat, forearms resting on his chest.</p><p>“Here, let me help.”, Nacho pushes her hips back by the base of her spine as he shallowly thrusts up to meet her.</p><p>Kim bites her lip again as she matches the pace of his thrusts. His hand stays spread over her lower back, even though he’s no longer helping her roll her hips. She goes from meeting his hips quietly to escalating her gasps and moans with the pulsing in her core. Her eyes snap open when Nacho’s free hand threads through her hair and he cups the side of her head. She lets out a whine at how intensely he’s staring up at her.</p><p>“Dios mío, qué bella, como una diosa...”, he whispers.</p><p>That does it. Her jaw drops and a deep moan escapes her chest. She manages to commit to one final thrust before her entire body erupts with tingles.</p><p>“It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.”, Nacho soothes.</p><p>Kim’s arms give out as she shudders through her orgasm. Nacho’s only response to her full weight collapsing onto him is to pick up the pace as she rests. He kisses her lightly on the mouth when she tilts her head up, blinking at him. He grunts his appreciation when she arches her back and tiredly licks his neck. The hand still in her hair never tightens.</p><p>“Yesssss, good girl…”</p><p>When he’s close, Nacho pulls out of her. The absence almost makes her weep. Another silent tear rolls down her face and onto Nacho’s throat. She strokes his jerking arm as he finishes himself off. He sweeps Kim’s hair all the way over her shoulder to keep it from getting messy.</p><p>He’s finally spent about four deep gasps later and flops back into the sheets. Kim continues to lightly run her hand over the bulging muscles of his arm.</p><p>“It’s not in my hair right?”</p><p>“No.”, he kisses her slowly after looking to check.</p><p>“Hold on, let me get my towel…”</p><p>Nacho deftly maneuvers out from under Kim while minimally disturbing her comfortable position on her stomach.</p><p>“Oh, right, you just showered. I got you dirty again.”, Kim whispers into the pillow. Her breath hitches when he wipes the warm wet towel over her back.</p><p>“I think you got it backwards.”</p><p>They rearrange until they’re back under the covers. Kim gazes up at the ceiling from where her head rests on Nacho’s outstretched arm.</p><p>“We’re… in Canada, right?”, she asks slowly, trying to piece together the blur of the last 24 hours.</p><p>“Yeah, we got into Vancouver really late. Our only options were hostels.”</p><p>“This is really nice for a hostel…”</p><p>A smirk spreads across her face and she flicks her eyes over to him.</p><p>“Nacho, we’re in a hipster neighborhood, aren’t we?”</p><p>“It’s like I’m drawn to them.”, he deadpans.</p><p>She giggles and turns towards him to playfully slap his chest. When she doesn’t move to lay flat on her back again, Nacho curls the arm under head around her back. It’s starting to go numb, but he doesn’t mind.</p><p>“I barely remember the airport security in Salt Lake City…”</p><p>“You threw up in a trashcan right after we got through TSA.”, he explains gently, knowing Kim’s visceral reaction will be embarrassment that he saw her like that.</p><p>“Oh my god, I don’t even remember that.”, she whispers.</p><p>“It’s called a fugue state. You’re really lucky you weren’t hurt when your mind was elsewhere for so long.”</p><p>She raises her eyebrows up at him, so Nacho sighs and elaborates.</p><p>“I sewed my hand one time. Another time was during sex…”</p><p>When Kim detects the worried tone of his voice, she sits up to face him and address his implication.</p><p>“I… no, not for… I was here and present for every second of it, I promise.”</p><p>“Okay, I just wanted to be sure.”, Nacho sighs in relief.</p><p>“Still…”, she continues while looking around their room. “I officially have no room to scold Jimmy about how he was when Chuck died…”</p><p>Nacho cuts her off with a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“Kim, you were defenseless in a gun fight between rival drug lords barely 24 hours ago. I think you were just in shock, that’s it.”</p><p>“I hope that’s all it was, too.”</p><p>She blinks thoughtfully a few times and then untangles herself from the sheets.</p><p>“I’m gonna shower, my hair reeks of traveling.”, Kim sighs while grabbing a random change of clothes from their suitcase.</p><p>“Can’t relate.”</p><p>She looks back at Nacho when he makes the comment. With the way he’s arranged himself and how he’s looking at her, she has to bite her lip to keep from inviting him to join her.</p><p>“I already put the shampoo in there. First stall.”</p><p>The shower feels so much better than Kim was expecting. She’s never stayed in a hostel before, but she assumed that the plumbing would be cheap and only allow for a scalding or a freezing spray. There’s a setting just a few notches before the former that’s just perfect for her. She relishes in it, taking her time to enjoy this tiny good omen of their new life in Canada.</p><p>It’s short lived, though. While toweling her hair off in front of the mirror, her stomach lurches and her vision blurs with black spots. As Kim shakily drops the towel, she takes a step on shaking legs to grip the edge of the sink. She lets out a frustrated gasp when it occurs to her that the last thing she ate was a handful of trail mix in Wyoming. Blinking rapidly, Kim desperately focuses on Nacho’s toiletries all around the sink.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Deodorant, a razor, a toothbrush, one, two of his necklaces…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Her breath hitches and her vision sharpens when she notices the wedding band next to his jewelry. She remembers kissing him in this room right as he came out of the shower, but not much before that. Impossibly, her head pounds even harder when she realizes she removed it while still in a daze.</p><p>Nacho shows up behind her in the mirror, fully dressed and holding a glass of water. Kim gladly accepts his help to balance standing upright again.</p><p>“Probably should have had a proper meal before wearing ourselves out like that…”, he says quietly as she sips the water. He supports her weight while she drinks, tenderly fixing her bra strap when it slips down her shoulder.</p><p>“I think I made the shower too hot too.”</p><p>With each sip, the nausea and the headache fades. Nacho sets the cup down for her after she finishes the water. When he’s back upright and can help her stay balanced again, that’s when she grabs the ring from the mirror shelf.</p><p>“If it helps, I don’t mind if you wear it, still.”</p><p>Kim lets out a sob as she meets his sympathetic eyes in the mirror.</p><p>“I can’t get rid of it but I can’t wear it anymore. Eventually, I need to find a way to get it back to him.”</p><p>Wordlessly, Nacho takes the ring from her. He strings his thinner gold necklace through it before carefully reclasping it behind her neck.</p><p>“That work for now?”, he looks away from her to slip the second, thicker chain over his head.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Yes, anything that delays the inevitable a little longer works.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>“Yes, thank you.”</p><p>Kim can’t thank God enough that Nacho leaves her in private to finish getting dressed. She knows it’s because he’s very familiar with constantly being watched and appreciates that they no longer need to physically be in each other’s space to survive.</p><p>Now, it can be at their leisure, for their enjoyment.</p><p>When she comes out, Nacho’s not even waiting at the door to leave. He’s sitting at the desk right up against the window, looking out at the city skyline and the Rocky Mountains in the distance.</p><p>“Ready.”, she announces once she grabs her tiny Target clasp from the suitcase.</p><p>He looks back at her after one last deep breath. He looks so calm and relaxed.</p><p>“Let’s eat, then, figure out what to do with the rest of our lives.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Interlude: Comfort of Strangers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the midst of creating a new life, Kim and Nacho wrestle with acceptance and letting go of their old ones.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WARNING: Nacho is REALLY struggling in this chapter with accepting his role in all that happened to him, his dad and Lalo. He dissociates, struggles to eat and briefly contemplates suicide. Just a heads up if these themes upset/bother you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>I am holding on to you tonight for dear life</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>When the morning comes, will it feel the same?</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>
    <strong> <em>Will we feel the same?</em> </strong>
  </p>
  <p>- Bastille, <em>Comfort of Strangers</em></p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>He’d been wrong last week. The day after Lalo murdered his dad wasn’t the second-worst day of Nacho’s life. It was every day once they had made it to safety and his thoughts weren’t preoccupied with surviving long enough to get to the border.</p><p>Now they don’t stand a chance against his crippling guilt and despair and are consumed by it.</p><p>Yesterday hadn’t been so bad. He and Kim both got off to a slow start, but he honestly thinks the hour they spent shoulder to shoulder talking about everything and nothing is the only reason he had the will to get up. Kim signs herself up for a bank account and a debit card. She meets Nacho at the public library and creates a budget for them while he tracks down potential apartments and a used car. When they realize just how expensive this city is and that they may have relocate again, any sense of accomplishment Nacho had rushes from his body is rapidly replaced by a more smothering version of that previous shame.</p><p>This morning, he can’t get out of bed. Kim doesn’t force him up, like he’d envisioned her doing when he’d learned where his papa was buried. She comes back from the common area with some fruit and coffee. Before leaving to do further legal and financial research, she sits on the edge of the bed to address him.</p><p>“Please eat something, I’ll be back as soon as I can.”</p><p>Kim doesn’t move until he makes eye contact with her and slowly nods his agreement. The kiss she plants on his forehead lingers longer than necessary.</p><p>Even though she deals with it by throwing herself into any task with maximum efficiency, Kim seems to be in a similar headspace to him. Other than confirming they made it safely out of the country, she’s ignoring any and all calls from Goodman. The necklace with the ring comes off more and more with each passing day. She’s started playing with and styling her hair more; this morning she mastered the messy bun she threw together for her ID photo.</p><p>He’s in no place to lecture or rush her; with each passing day, the attempts to repress the longing for Lalo just make him more miserable. At least she can bring herself to part from a relic from her past lover for periods of time and eat without feeling completely drained by such a rudimentary task. They’re just three days in, he’s staring longingly at her razor in the shower. He’s leaning again the wall, willing one arm to reach down and pick it up. One of his bracelets is a wide leather band, the intricate swirls of Lalo’s forearm tattoo carved into it by the man himself; Nacho can reopen the still tender skin on the wrist it’s covering.</p><p>Lalo would probably find it romantic if the gift to his traitorous lover, <em>his Nachito</em>, was dyed with his last drops of blood…</p><p>Nacho blinks out of his reverie at a knock on the glass door.</p><p>“I grabbed dinner, for whenever you’re done.”, Kim informs him.</p><p>“Thanks.”, he rasps after shaking his head to further clear it.</p><p>He has so much to thank her for and he can only hope one day that she’ll feel even a fraction of that gratitude for him. Rounding the corner as he pulls his shirt on, he sees Kim at the desk up against the window. She’s set out their takeout and is shuffling through some papers that she printed off at the library. She made a point to leave his untouched fruit exactly where he left it.</p><p>“There’s extra Hoisin sauce to make it spicier.”, she reaches into the paper bag to show him a comical amount of sauce packets without looking up from the papers. Nacho can’t decide if he wants to smile or burst into tears at the gesture.</p><p>“Mike, really pulled through. He got us both Social Insurance Numbers and your name on the title of that home in Winnipeg that’s on our IDs. Really, all we need now is a credit card and a car that’s insured, and we’ll blend in pretty well. There’ll be just enough credit history so we won’t look like we just materialized from thin air.”</p><p>She chuckles while shuffling more through her research for something else.</p><p>“There’s also financial stipends and reduced interest rates for visible minorities and if we don’t get legally married yet, you definitely qualify, so I would – oh, shit sorry, you’re probably hungry I’ll just...”</p><p>Kim finally acknowledges Nacho’s subdued demeanor when she goes to offer him his dinner. He’d been sitting on the end of the bed listening to her debriefing with raised eyebrows and his head tilted to the side. Something about him looks so defeated to her.</p><p>“You got a lot done…”, he says thoughtfully.</p><p>She sets the container on his lap and places a fork in his hands as she joins him. Nacho focuses on aimlessly stirring and her hand resting on his shoulder.</p><p>“Do you ever get so numb that just moving seems like it’s both too simple and too much all at once?”, he mutters while stabbing at a piece of chicken.</p><p>“Yeah, off and on right after I broke my arm last year.”, she winces.</p><p>He straightens and tries to shrug Kim off when he realizes she’s got the arm in question slung around his shoulders.</p><p>“Stop using it so much if it’s bothering you.”</p><p>Kim leans forward for the forgotten sauce packets with her right hand, trying to prove a point. She can’t contain a tiny groan of pain when she has to lift it higher than her shoulder.</p><p>“I wish I’d known. I could have at least tried to be gentler or held onto your left arm…”</p><p>Kim had mentioned yesterday morning that her shoulder was bothering her, and Nacho already suspected the force he had to use to reign her in had a hand in it. When she further explained that she’d snapped her ulna in two and cracked her humerus in a car accident last year, he felt even more guilty for utilizing his strength over her. She continues to stand her ground that the ends justify the means.</p><p>“I was out of my mind with panic. I could have gotten us both hurt or killed if you didn’t lead the way to the car.”, Kim reasons.</p><p>He doesn’t disagree, but still, unintentionally harming her makes the pit of despair in his stomach feel impossibly deeper.</p><p>“Nacho, I’ll let you fret over my arm if you’ll please eat an actual meal today.”</p><p>“It’s not fretting to help tend to your injury.”, he mumbles in between bites.</p><p>“Okay, and that’s what I’ve been doing and am trying to do for you now. I know today was hard, but you need to eat…”, Kim trails off when her voice breaks slightly; she can’t maintain her “lawyer” tone very well in the face of the intensity of Nacho’s depression.</p><p>He can only nod his agreement; his throat is dry and he’s in the middle of swallowing another bite.</p><p>“I can’t…”, Nacho gasps after a while. “I can’t even taste it.”</p><p>He throws the fork down in exasperation. Kim grabs the half-empty container as he stands suddenly. She wraps him in an embrace to keep him from blindly staggering into the desk as he rubs the meat of his hands into his eye sockets.</p><p>“Fuck, I miss them so fucking much and that alone feels like betraying them both all over again.”, Nacho sobs.</p><p>Kim curls both hands over the top of his shoulders from behind, wincing through the tenderness as she tries to force him to relax them. All she can do is ride it out, whispering “I’m sorry” over and over into his shaking chest. The tremors and gasps slowly reduce in intensity. His arms drop to his sides, then snake around her waist.</p><p>“Please don’t lift your bad arm that high…”, Nacho murmurs into the crown of her head.</p><p>She slides it down to sling low around his hips. Her own dinner is cold when Nacho is finally ready to let her go.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Kim can barely move her right arm in the morning. She begrudgingly agrees to let Nacho take her to an urgent care clinic. Both them are secretly happy for a reason to get him out of the room so he doesn’t space out and spend the day in bed again.</p><p>“Can you at least pretend to still have a limp so I don’t feel so pathetic.”, she whines through gritted teeth.</p><p>“We don’t always have to match, dear.”, he deadpans back.</p><p>Kim rewards the return of his snark by accepting his help more graciously. She wears the makeshift sling he fashioned with one of his sweaters and walks with her good arm looped in his right. Later, when she’s diagnosed with a strained deltoid, they leave to buy a car with a more stable shoulder immobilizer.</p><p>“I get to pick the color.”, Kim challenges as Nacho maneuvers her arm gently into the ridiculous-looking sling.</p><p>Nacho drives them off the lot in a navy blue 1993 Camaro with the first hint of a smile on his face in the last several days. Stopped at a light, he revs the engine and glances over at Kim. She’s staring unimpressed back at him.</p><p>“What all did you want get done today?”</p><p>“I uh….”, she glances down as she reaches into his backpack for her folders.</p><p>“We should… look at houses or apartments in other areas and extend our stay at the HI so I can order a credit card to our room. Oh, we should probably get a laptop at some point…”</p><p>He watches her and waits patiently for her to stop rambling as she scans her lists. Kim finally notices his intense stare fixed on her</p><p>“What do <strong><em>you</em></strong> want to do today?”</p><p>Kim turns to smile at the floorboards and slips the folder back into the bag. She’s half-laughing when she looks up to share her new goals for the day with him.</p><p>“I want to try poutine, see Vancouver Island and… I miss makeup. I want to get some makeup.”</p><p>Nacho quirks the right side of mouth into a tiny grin as he flicks on the left turn signal. He rolls the windows down and drives them west towards the coast. They kill two birds with one stone and eat poutine from a food truck on the hood of the Camaro. The scenic overlook they pulled into provides a breathtaking view of several islands across the strait while mostly hiding sunbathers at the nude beach below them.</p><p>“Wow.”, Nacho blurts and points out that the lifeguard is also without clothes.</p><p>“I love this country.”, Kim snickers into her fries.</p><p>Kim gets everything ticked off of her impromptu list and then some after lunch. Across from the beauty store is a tattoo and piercing parlor that she insists they stop by as well.</p><p>“C’mon, just think about getting a new earring. I’m not going to make us match, I swear!”</p><p>Nacho pretends to begrudgingly agree, even though he was sold once she looked back at him with her signature smirk in the red lipstick that she’d tried on at the makeup counter. Leaving the shop, he’s settled for a simple gold loop earring and Kim’s got a tiny heart in the right side of her nose. She opts to place her gold spike earrings in her pocket.</p><p>Their list of more serious tasks is completed quickly after that. Nacho is content to chauffeur her to each destination, reflecting on how natural this feels and how simple their life is going to be from now on if they pull all this off. He’s starting to see the appeal to his father’s existence and career path.</p><p>Of course, thinking about his dad goes hand in hand with thinking about why he’s no longer here. Nacho retreats further into his mind on the drive back to the hostel, following Kim’s directions and shifting the gears on autopilot. He stays by her until she reserves their room for another four days and then meanders to the rec room. Nacho sets the laptop on the coffee table and then gets settled on the couch. He blindly flips through the channels until he finds something vaguely resembling soccer.</p><p>Kim looks around after she asks reception if she can use their printer later and catches a glimpse of Nacho before he disappears around the corner into the guest lounge. She finds him in short order, staring at a curling match on the TV with his head resting awkwardly on a folded over pillow. It looks uncomfortable, but Kim decides not to bother him. He’d been in a good mood and with her all day; maybe he wants to be alone with his thoughts to recharge. She sets Nacho’s takeout just in his field of vision on the coffee table and opens up the laptop to get started.</p><p>The pillow under his head isn’t meant to be comfortable. Nacho’s trying to recreate moment, settle a score and firmly close a door he no longer wishes to open. The Tim Horton’s shake on the coffee table actually helps him get back into the headspace he needs. That night, he and Lalo opted to stay in and have Whataburger for dinner instead of trying anything fancy in his kitchen.</p><p>
  <em>The thigh his head is pillowed on shudders as Lalo throws his torso back into the couch in frustration. Club America just scored and now has a two-point lead over Universidad.</em>
</p><p><em>“Ay-ay-ay! Pero qu</em>é<em> chingados…?”</em></p><p>
  <em>When he reaches up to stroke Lalo’s tense muscle beneath his head, the older man chuckles and pulls his wrist up to his lips. Nacho sighs, relishing the caresses pressed into the delicate, thin skin. Lalo’s other hand runs back and forth over his scalp. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nacho sees Amber and Jo headed for the front door from “their” room out of the corner of his eye. He’d had a somewhat heated and handsy argument with Lalo in which he begrudgingly agreed to let them still live with him; they are now truly just his roommates. Since he’s now forbidden from sleeping with them and there is palpable tension between the girls and Lalo whenever he’s here, they are now regularly going out drinking and clubbing in search of a new “boyfriend”. Nacho can’t bring himself to be upset with them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they pass the living room, Jo throws an odd look at him, either one of pity or disgust. It might be both. He hopes Lalo didn’t notice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Bye, chicas! Remember: stranger danger, liquor before beer, you’re in the clear, and uh… AHA! Don’t be silly, wrap your willy!”, he booms good-naturedly at them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They glare at him as Lalo takes a swig of Patron from the shelf next to the couch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Gah, finally, I thought they’d never leave.”, he scoffs once the door slams behind them. Lalo maneuvers Nacho to sit astride his hips and slides down into the sofa.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Now I don’t have to pretend to care about futbol and we don’t have to be quiet.”, he purrs before crashing his lips to Nacho’s.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He could let things commence as they had that night and reminisce, leaving this memory intact. He could tell Lalo he loves him, keep kissing him and eventually ride Lalo, his pace being dictated by the older man’s gentle grip on his neck. Take in the most intoxicating and fulfilling aspect of this relationship one last time; the bliss of being wanted, knowing that he’s no longer the only actor in a one-sided empty relationship.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But, continuing to court the past, his father’s killer, for even one more day will kill him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He can’t do that to Kim.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Drawing out one last kiss, Nacho pulls back to look down at Dream-Lalo and cards his left hand through his full hair. He hums in response and begins rubbing Nacho’s wrist through the leather bracelet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You like this? I figure matching tattoos is too cheesy, no?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love it. I love you.”, Nacho murmurs with a sad smile.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I love you, still. But you ruined my life.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lalo’s eyes darken menacingly. He squeezes Nacho’s wrist and his homemade bracelet in a death grip. Nacho isn’t fazed and continues to stroke his free hand through Lalo’s thick salt and pepper hair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I needed you, I wasn’t so miserable and lonely for once. But you are the biggest mistake I’ve ever made and I need to move on.”, Nacho rasps, on the verge of tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, amorcito? You think you’re the only victim here? Or that I’m the only one at fault?”, Dream-Lalo retorts mockingly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I never said that. I know I made too many mistakes and could have prevented a lot of this.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“By ‘this’, you mean Ciro’s death, Yolanda’s death, my death, your papa’s death and…”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even in a simulation of this evening, Lalo’s dismissive attitude towards those ravished in his path of destruction shines through. Nacho’s blood boils and he yanks his head back by his hair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Murder. He didn’t die peacefully of old age. You. Murdered. Him.”, Nacho snarls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Poor, spoiled baby Ignacio. Can’t face the consequences of his actions so he deigns to forget them.”, Dream-Lalo fake pouts up at him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not forgetting you. I knew what getting close with you meant in the long run, but I didn’t care. I almost wanted to die, I was so lonely… I’ll remember you forever, Lalo. You were a great lover and an even greater lesson.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Velcro rips open to their right. Nacho turns his head towards the sound, confused. On his other sofa underneath the VROOOOM! painting sits Kim, delicately rolling her right shoulder while typing with the left hand. If she weren’t occasionally glancing at where his actual body is sprawled across this couch, she could almost be a part of the scene. He lingers on her lips as they purse in thought, lingers on her exposed shoulders as she slowly removes her jacket and stands to head to reception. His vision of Lalo is smirking at him with raised eyebrows when Nacho finally turns back to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What, you think you can replace me with that guera puta, Mrs. Goodman? She only married him for legal protection and she’s a killer just like me. You’re adorable, and I’m not being complimentary.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nacho narrows his eyes and leans in impossibly closer until his and Lalo’s noses are almost touching.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“She may have killed someone, but she is <strong>nothing</strong> like you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You don’t get a happy ending, stop being a child, Ignacio.”, Dream-Lalo deadpans.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That’s not for you to decide. Adios, Lalito.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His lover, his tormenter, his Lalo smirks up at him as he sits up from his house in Albuquerque and reaches for the chocolate shake on the table in Vancouver.</em>
</p><p>He’s purposefully taking huge sips in hopes of giving himself a brain freeze and distancing himself from that scenario even further. Kim walks back from the front office, a stack of papers in her freed right arm.</p><p>“I need to be medicated.”, Kim mutters to no one in particular as her right shoulder pops.</p><p>“Me too.”, Nacho agrees. He’s still blinking back to consciousness, not aware that her context is different than his.</p><p>Kim starts slightly when she hears his voice, tweaking her shoulder. She passes the apartment profiles and maps to him as she sits, setting her arm back in the immobilizer with a defeated sigh.</p><p>“I found some units and townhomes in our budget in Victoria and Abbotsford. They’re both college towns so cost of living is a little more affordable.”, she explains while reaching for his untouched submarine sandwich.</p><p>“There’s an open house we can go to tomorrow and I set up a walk through with the owner of the two-bedroom in Victoria.”</p><p>“Island life would be a nice change of pace.”, Nacho adds thoughtfully, scanning through everything she printed off.</p><p>“I think if we strike out with these and have to start searching again, more should be two-bedrooms though.”</p><p>Kim stops chewing and levels him with a hurt look. She slowly swallows the huge bite she took while turning her body towards him.</p><p>“I know Mike’s bringing more money for us soon, but we should still be smart and spend sparingly when we can. And I, uh… don’t regret that first morning we were here. I know I was kind of mess afterwards but… that wasn’t because of you.”</p><p>Nacho raises his eyebrows at her confession. They had sex almost four days ago and still haven’t talked about it yet. They shared the bed every night since and everything has been very PG, probably because of their own struggles with rebuilding themselves into completely different people.</p><p> “I don’t regret it either and I’m not against doing it again… with you… in the future... when your arm is better.”, he pauses a few times in response to Kim’s growing smile.</p><p>They really sound like awkward teenagers right now.</p><p>“But, I just think it’s a good idea, in the long term, to have the option to have space for ourselves if we ever need it. Money is a short-term issue.”</p><p>“Okay.”, Kim agrees thoughtfully. She takes one more bite of his sandwich before finally offering it back to him.</p><p>Later, back in their room, Kim asks another favor of him. She’s loosening her bun one-handed as he toes off his shoes.</p><p>“I was going to shower. Could you help me get my hair and back?”</p><p>He nods and points behind him.</p><p>“I’ll get sleep clothes and towels.”</p><p>Nacho notices that once he joins her in the bathroom, she abruptly switches the brush from her right to her left hand. He also notices that she’s already topless.</p><p>“I just wanted to see if it was still painful.”, Kim explains sheepishly.</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“I can’t believe how much of an inconvenience a little muscle tear is.”</p><p>She shimmies out of her jeans and starts to refasten the sling as Nacho adjusts the water temperature and sets the towels out. Kim gets in first and tilts her head back into the warm spray of the shower. She smiles to herself when he steps in shortly after disrobing and removing his bandages.</p><p>“You’re sweet.”, Kim says with quirked eyebrows when she looks back and sees Nacho kept his briefs on.</p><p>He narrows his eyes at her good-naturedly while reaching for the shampoo.</p><p>“I’m being professional.”, he retorts.</p><p> Kim turns to face him so she can tilt her head back and rinse the product out after he massages it into her scalp.  She grips Nacho’s shoulder to maintain her balance. He catches her imperceptible sigh when he gently maneuvers her away to wash her back.</p><p>“Your turn.”, Kim says once he’s finished, sticking her hand out for the soap. Nacho has a pause before he realizes she wants to take stock of his almost healed back injuries.</p><p>He braces a hand on the wall; his knees wobble and his breath hitches when she tenderly rubs across his cuts, abrasions and stitches. It has been much easier for him to care for now that they’re mostly healed. Honestly, dressing it himself was the one thing he was able to accomplish during his last few days spent numbly existing.</p><p>“We’ll get to remove these soon…”, she’s down on one knee, running her soapy thumb over the stitches that wrap around his left calf and shin. He turns as she stands to offer his arm for balance.</p><p>“Take care of that arm so you’ll be able to help when the time comes.”</p><p>Kim nods and backs him under the spray to rinse off the soap. She laces the fingers of her free hand with his and kisses the scars on each of his shoulders. When she parts with his left shoulder, Nacho kisses her as deeply as he can without leaning into her body and injured arm that’s strapped across her midriff. The drain is free of suds before they finally separate and turn off the showerhead.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Future's in Our Hands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jimmy, Kim and Nacho each figure out what it means to let go.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>SPOILERS: We dive deeper into Nacho's psyche and through his hallucinations of Lalo, we see that he harbors some homophobia towards himself. He is referred as a word that would still be a slur in 2004.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loyola’s Diner opens at five a.m. Tuesday through Saturday. A month ago, Jimmy would have considered this an ungodly hour to be wide awake and ready for work. But this is now, and now, he hasn’t been sleeping much. He’d thought he’d been at rock bottom after surviving the shootout in the desert and Lalo’s sudden appearance in their home. Each day, however, is forcing him to withstand a little more, increase his tolerance just a little higher and further delay his inevitable breakdown.</p><p>He blinks himself back to awareness, out of his downward spiral and internal pity party. Mike’s been sipping his coffee in the meantime, most likely pretending to not notice Jimmy’s momentary pause in his diatribe.</p><p>“So, uh, yeah. The D.E.A. is satisfied with Domingo’s intel, or lack thereof, on Lalo’s whereabouts. They’ve come to the conclusion that he’s been killed by the cartel’s rivals. But, uh, of course, he’s tight-lipped on who those rivals might be.”</p><p>Mike hums. He takes a bite of his breakfast.</p><p>“Any idea if they’re looking into the Vargas’ disappearance?”</p><p>“Domingo’s made it clear that he thinks they’re both dead. He’s only half-right, unfortunately.”</p><p>Jimmy twists his mouth into a grimace and sips his water to avoid the scowl the older man has fixed on him.</p><p>“Odd thing, to wish death on the man that saved your wife’s life.”</p><p>“She wouldn’t have been in that situation if you hadn’t paired them up. Kim can handle shit on her own just fine.”, he snaps back.</p><p>“She saved your ass against Lalo, but she’s still green. What, you wanted her to flee to another country by herself? With no one to watch her back when the cartel’s looking for Lalo and are now well aware of her connection to him?”</p><p>“I know you said that cleaner guy, wouldn’t help on such short notice, especially with the little cash we had to offer, but shit. Anything, anything at all, was better than sending her on an adventure with Nacho.”</p><p>Mike sees right through Jimmy’s sudden switch in demeanor from irate to logical. He’s even using his gentle “lawyer” voice and hand gestures.</p><p>“You’d rather Kim be alone up there; that way she’s still yours.”, he states.</p><p>Jimmy blinks and scoffs his indignation.</p><p>“That’s, what? NO – I…”</p><p>“Never mind if Ignacio helps her through creating a new life and identity. It shouldn’t matter if he makes her happy and befriends her in the process. The idea that they may get on just fine and Kim has more in common with him than you now is unacceptable because you can’t keep her in your back pocket anymore.”, Mike accuses through gritted teeth, insulted by the other man’s denial.</p><p>“Please, you sent her up there with bodyguard-slash-fuck buddy, nothing more. She’ll move onto to someone better.”, Jimmy spits, any front of politeness gone, before taking a sip of water. Mike continues on like he wasn’t interrupted.</p><p>“Is that what you are? Better for Kim?”</p><p>Jimmy’s breath gets stuck in his throat at the accurate yet disparaging assessment of how he views himself. Mike takes a breath and peels his fingers off the fork he was squeezing as his phone buzzes.</p><p>“You can’t want that while claiming you love her.”, he says gently while reaching into his coat pocket.</p><p>It’s a text from Fring with a location and time to meet him; it’s been several days and Victor is now lucid enough to be confronted for his mistake. He sighs and stands, already beginning to psych himself up to deceive his boss yet again.</p><p>“Just… when you talk to them next, tell her to pick up when I call.”, Jimmy requested quietly, staring at the cash Mike just tucked under his plate like it contained the answers to life itself.</p><p>“I will, kid.”</p><p>Mike won’t deny that his heart skips a beat when he’s directed toward the north side, preparing for the possibility that Victor was stitched up at the equine hospital by Dr. Caldera just like Nacho had been several weeks earlier. Thankfully, he recognizes the directions are taking them to the warehouse that accommodated the Germans, and he barely feels any relief. He only nods a greeting to Tyrus when the man opens the door for him and leads the way down to the bunkers. They file into the only cabin still standing and wait for Fring to announce his arrival, standing apart and watching Dr. Goodman check Victor’s vitals and clean his wounds.</p><p>It’s been a week since he’s seen him, but Mike can only tell Victor’s condition has improved because he now has the energy to fix his face in that trademark scowl; by all accounts, he should not have survived the nine-hour drive back. Victor had been shot in the upper arm and the stomach, in an almost identical way to how he shot Ignacio when they staged the carjacking. Mike’s sure the irony is lost on no one present.</p><p>When Fring bursts through the door, he heads straight for the space Mike and Tyrus left for him. His unflinching glare is fixed on Victor from the start, and in a foolish attempt at bravado, the injured man reflects the look back as best as he can.</p><p>“Consider yourself on house arrest for the foreseeable future, Mr. Guerrero, in addition to recognizing this an act of mercy.”, he says neutrally.</p><p>At least he has the sense to untense at Fring’s calmly spoken threat. Victor gulps and looks down at the hand cuffed to the bed rails before he speaks, chin lifted to make up for the weakness of his voice.</p><p>“Varga’s still out there. We can still find him and that wom-“</p><p>“Varga is no longer any of our concerns because of what you have done, Victor.”</p><p>Any neutrality in his voice was vaporized the second it became clear that Victor wouldn’t be submitting so easily.</p><p> “You were at the scene of a mass shooting where four civilians, including one of my men, were killed. The FBI is involved and the dead are their only leads. Do you understand the damage control, the amount of time I’ve had to spend making sure any mention of Mitch is nowhere near my business?”</p><p>Mike can see a muscle twitching in the man’s neck out of the corner of his eye. Victor finally bites his lip and lowers his head, accepting his lashing.</p><p>“I will not forget this. This is your only warning.”</p><p>When Fring’s voice dips into a whisper as he says <em>only</em>, Victor lets out a shudder and nods.</p><p>“We will operate as normal while you recover and your position in my business will be revaluated once you are ready to reassume your duties.”</p><p>Even though Victor nods his agreement again, Fring has already turned to leave without waiting for his signal of submission to the plan. Mike and Tyrus flank him for the entirety of the trek out of the complex.</p><p>“I’ll have to make some unearned promotions in light of all of this. Wait to hear from me as to who will be answering to you both now.”</p><p>Fring’s nod seemed to signal their dismissal. He waits to finish straightening his tie before calling after their retreating forms.</p><p>“Michael, a moment.”</p><p>He turns back once he’s called, not skipping a beat.</p><p>“You did well up there, and I understand I called you away from fourth of July weekend with your girls?”</p><p>“Yep. Kaylee’s trying to hold that over my head as long as she can.”, Mike sighs thoughtfully.</p><p>The corner of Gus’s mouth quirks up in what could pass as a good-natured smile.</p><p>“Well, once you’re confident with the underlings, take an extended vacation and make it up to little Kaylee. Paid of course.”</p><p>When Mike smiles back, it’s mainly because he’s processed the irony of Fring dropping the perfect opportunity to get Ignacio’s nest egg up to them in Canada. They shake on it and get in their respective cars.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>Nacho initially balked at the hour and a half ferry ride they’d have to take to make the trip to Victoria. It’s a small city on the southern tip of Vancouver Island and barely 100 kilometers from the hostel, but there’s no highways or roads connecting it to the mainland. A drive that would normally only take a little over than an hour drags out to almost three because of the middle leg to cross the Strait of Georgia. As he drives them through the rugged greenery just outside the metropolitan area, Nacho warms up to the idea of it being all he has to look at for the next 90 minutes.</p><p>“Could you imagine commuting this or working on one of these every day?”, he’d asked once he shifted the car into park. They were one of the last cars to board the boat departing at nine a.m. Once docked in Swartz Bay, they still had another 40-minute drive to the townhouse in Victoria.</p><p>“It’s probably a gorgeous way to start every morning…”</p><p>“You think the view from a commercial ferry between two port towns is that good?”, Kim asked skeptically when he came around and opened the door for her. He’d noticed her gradual fascination with their surroundings as they left downtown, but doesn’t comment on her nonchalant reply.</p><p>They pass the time before the ferry departs and the captain clears passengers to head to the upper deck by making jokes on the hood of the Camaro. Mainly, about his choice of car as their main form of transportation.</p><p>“It’s like you knew the one thing I didn’t learn from growing up as white trash was how to drive stick shift.”, Kim accuses playfully.</p><p>“Sorry for having taste.”, he shoots back as the ‘ALL CLEAR’ siren rings through the cargo area.</p><p>He helps hers up by her good arm, keeping the gentle grip on her hand even as they file towards the stairs.</p><p>“Pinky promise, you’ll show me how to drive standard once my arm’s better.”</p><p>“It’s a date.”, his hand unwinds with hers so that just their pinkies are linked. Kim’s glad he’s slightly behind her with a hand pressed lightly between her shoulder blades for balance and can’t see her blush and lightly bite her bottom lip.</p><p>Once on the main deck, they make their way to the bow of the ferry. The breeze is stronger up front so Nacho’s thankful he wore a beanie and that Kim already came dressed in her fleece jacket. It may be summer, but that only translates to chilly mornings and mildly warm afternoons, even in the most temperate region of Canada. Nacho splits his attention between the rolling waves and the slowly passing gulf islands and Kim as she takes in their surroundings. Her hand slides so that their pinkies rest against each other on the railing.</p><p>“You’re right; this is so beautiful and the weather is just... I almost wish we came even earlier so we could have been on the water while the sun rises.”, Kim’s smile grows as she says it. She lifts her hand to untie her hair so it can blow in the wind.</p><p>“Sunset?”, Nacho suggests.</p><p>“It’s a date.”</p><p>She shakes her hair out of her face. He’s entranced as he waits for her to continue.</p><p>“It’s nothing like…”, she pauses.</p><p>“Well, Albuquerque didn’t feel like much of a home as of late. I kind of wanted to start over again, just like when I left my mom.”</p><p>“Where are you from, originally?”, Nacho asks, realizing they haven’t discussed their respective hometowns yet.</p><p>“Nebraska. Small town.”</p><p>“How small?”</p><p>She smiles at him humorlessly.</p><p>“Small enough that everyone knew not to trust Tipsy Tammy Wexler to host sleepovers or be included in the afterschool band practice carpool. God, I don’t even know if she’s still alive of if she’s managed to drink herself to death, yet.”</p><p>Kim’s starting to look solemn at this reflection, so Nacho offers up some of his own sad backstory.</p><p>“My parents worked their asses off to save up enough to get us out of El Paso and further away from the border. Albuquerque was safer, believe it or not. And then when right when we were financially stable, my mama collapses at work and we find out she’s got a cancerous tumor in her brain. My papa threw money at all these hopeless treatments only for her to wither away and die within six months. And then I join the cartel to try and keep us off the streets, pay off the debt he racked up, only for him to hate me for it.”</p><p>The details of the deterioration of his family has the opposite effect on her; Kim’s lip quivers and she wraps her good arm around his waist. He sighs and hugs her with both arms.</p><p>“It’s like I’ve just kind of been existing in New Mexico ever since she died.”</p><p>“Me too. Since my accident...”, Kim fiddles with the material of his shirt using her restricted hand before muttering the rest of her sentence into his neck.</p><p>“What?”, Nacho asks gently. She’d said it so quickly that it had to be a confession, something she was ashamed of.</p><p>“I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time of the accident. I miscarried from the impact.”, she half sobs when she lifts her forehead and presses it into his cheek.</p><p>Nacho’s breath hitches but he doesn’t reply. Last year, after getting shot and left in the desert, Amber had a pregnancy scare. His nerves had already been thoroughly unraveled and he was at his wit’s end, so the idea of having a baby with his meth-addicted pseudo-girlfriend was enough to make him bolt to the bathroom and throw up. When Nacho was done heaving, Amber was already leaning against the door to tell him casually that the problem had “fixed itself”. She left to go eat a box of Cheez-Its without a second glance back at him.</p><p>Her weeping is the polar opposite of how Amber had reacted and not how Nacho would expect Kim to either. His head is spinning. He carefully maneuvers her to face him fully, back to the railing and squeezes her just a tad tighter to urge her to continue.</p><p>“They – they said that it might have happened anyway, though. I was running myself ragged, not eating or sleeping enough, existing on coffee and energy drinks. The nutrient levels in my blood had been low for weeks, by their estimates. I was barely two months along. I never thought I’d have children but to fail so miserably at being a mother so quickly…”</p><p>Her tears drip down her chin and onto Nacho’s shirt and chest. He’s warring with himself on whether to pull away and help wipe her face or squeeze her tighter into his chest; like he can somehow make the months she spent agonizing alone over the repercussions of the accident worth it if he hugs her tight enough.</p><p>“I never told him. Jimmy cut them off and asked if he could just take me home before they explained it. I didn’t want him to know. Knowing that I was so much more negligent than my own mother had ever been was awful enough. But to have Jimmy know that and realize I’m just as dangerous and destructive as he is, right around the time his brother died… it would have devastated him even further. Then I knew I could never tell him; he might have gone the same way as Chuck…”</p><p>“The fact that you’re this upset about this and worried so much about how it would affect him means you’re not your mother.”, Nacho blurts once she pauses to catch her breath. He knows this need to just let it out well, to cry and be taken care of by someone else. But they need to reign it in, make sure she’s in control of herself by the time they drive off the ferry.</p><p>“I’ve never told anybody… I pretended Chuck’s funeral was for the – the… and I tried to move on. He needed me, Nacho.”, she sounds so subdued as she explains herself, like she’s surfaced from her own denial and is in awe by the depths of it.</p><p>“You’re not careless and you’re not you mother. This happened because you were overworked and exhausted at the wrong time. You are not her.”</p><p>Nacho repeats this quietly into her ear. Kim’s shuddering gradually begins to reduce in intensity, and she presses her body less fiercely into his each time he says it. She slowly slides the hand resting across his shoulders down to plant on his chest, lightly pushing. Kim wipes her eyes with her sleeve when he unwinds his arms from around her. She wordlessly turns to face the strait again while Nacho just as silently leans in to bracket her with his hands on the railing. She releases the breath she’s been holding as she leans back into his chest.</p><p>Kim’s breathing is back to normal once they get back to the car. She’s still wiping at stray tears after the boat docks and Nacho’s merged onto Highway 17 from the ferry access road. He tries to stay at a constant speed for the drive south so his right hand isn’t preoccupied with shifting gears and is free for her to hold.</p><p>At the southern terminus of the highway, they make a left down a residential street. Nacho slows and waits for Kim to tell him that they’ve arrived.</p><p>“It’s that green house on the right. With the white eaves.”, she points it out after glancing down at the map and pictures she printed out one last time.</p><p>“Are you sure this is something we can afford?”, Nacho asks wearily as he pulls into the circle driveway in front of the units and turns off the car. This neighborhood is too well kept and centrally located for this unit to not at least be as pricy as his bachelor pad in Albuquerque.</p><p>“Under normal circumstances, probably not, but this woman had to evict her tenants and she’s scrambling to break even. There she is, actually.”</p><p>They’re half an hour early for the walkthrough and pulled up a few minutes before the landlord; it was either that or being late because of how the ferry schedule runs. The woman looks annoyed at this when she initially gets out of her car but her face softens when Nacho helps Kim up and she sees the immobilized arm strapped to her stomach. Kim catches his eye to make sure he noticed the change; it might be easier to win this potential landlord over than anticipated.</p><p>They establish themselves as Martin and Eloise Cavallo, naturally, and Sophia, who they originally thought was just a landlord, introduces herself as the property owner. She already knows they’ve moved from Manitoba and when asked why they came this far west, Nacho doesn’t pull any punches. Sophia’s sympathy for them blossoms when he explains that his father was murdered and they’re using his inheritance for a fresh start. It hits a critical mass when Kim timidly offers up the personal tragedy she’d finally admitted to Nacho earlier that morning.</p><p>“I miscarried shortly before he was killed. That was hard enough to deal with, but then to lose our only living family member… there was no reason to stay.”</p><p>“Oh, dear… here, Eloise, let’s go get you a tissue inside and we can start the walkthrough.”</p><p>Nacho puts her hair back in a bun and Kim dabs at her eyes as they’re debriefed on the property. It’s partially furnished, and the rent will be reduced because of the falling out with the previous tenants. They were rich college students at U of Victoria who were making and dealing club drugs out of this townhouse. When Sophia jokingly asks them not to take up the same profession, Nacho’s smile is a little too wide as he digests the irony.</p><p>It's an interesting combination of a loft and a regular apartment unit. The ceiling is high over the living and eating area and it’s lower over the kitchen. A set of stairs goes over the entrance to the kitchen and into the master bedroom/loft area above it. There’s a small half bathroom, second bedroom and backdoor to a garden down the one hallway along the side of the kitchen.</p><p>Kim likes it a lot, more than she was expecting. The layout is quirky and the décor is more modern than her old apartment. But the small size and occasional outdated appliances sprinkled throughout give it a cozy feel. While she gets how these college kids could make this into a hip place to make and take acid, she sees her own potential in the form of the movie marathons the living area could host.</p><p>“How, uh, big is this unit, again?”, Kim stutters out as she checks out the cabinet space in the kitchen. She almost asks for the square footage but stops herself when considering the question might reveal their true nationality.</p><p>“Just over 1000 square feet. The second bedroom is more like an office space.”</p><p>Nacho comes back from checking out the downstairs bedroom, barely containing a smirk at how much he likes the design of the place. He quirks up his scarred eyebrow and gestures towards the loft bedroom with a nod. Kim smiles back and waves him off.</p><p>“Your husband is really sweet. I misjudged him, initially.”</p><p>Kim blinks at Sophia’s observation and realizes that her gaze had been tracking the sound of Nacho’s footprints above their heads.</p><p>“Don’t feel bad. His facial features are just intense, and he looks angry most of the time because of it.”, she chuckles.</p><p>“You’re not alone, by the way. I went through the same thing when I was younger.”, Sophia offers up sheepishly as Kim moves to leave the kitchen.</p><p>She clutches the edge of the bar so she doesn’t fall into it. Sophia’s expectation for some kind of connection with her over the miscarriage is exactly why she’s kept it to herself for almost two years. Kim smiles politely back at her as she regains control of her knees.</p><p>“Thank you. I’m going to catch up with I – Martin.”</p><p>“Take your time. I’m here if you two have any questions.”, Sophia returns kindly.</p><p>Kim hyper focuses on each step up to the main bedroom; she’s opted to use her free arm to wipe at her face instead of holding onto the railing for support. At the top of the stairs, she’s collected herself enough to register Nacho speaking, but not to her. He’s leaned up against the wall at the end of the small hall and intently focused on the bed. Kim had to wipe her eyes again and he was at her side, back to reality when her eyes opened again.</p><p>“Sorry… I – she tried to talk to me about, you know…”, Kim purses her lips and doesn’t finish the sentence, knowing that he understands what she’s implying.</p><p>“S’okay.”, he shrugs, hand on her immobilized arm. He’s pointedly not facing the bed anymore, fixated on her now.</p><p>“The room downstairs is small, but not uncomfortably so.”</p><p>“Cozy.”, Kim volunteers.</p><p>“Yeah.”, Nacho agrees after a beat, beginning to smile again as he looks around.</p><p>They end up on the small patio beyond a large sliding paneled window, looking around at the tiny garden they share with the other unit. There’s a small park a few blocks to the south and some of the buildings of the downtown area can be made out a little further in the distance. Kim nods her head slowly as she drums her fingers on the railing.</p><p>“We could use cozy right now.”, she muses out loud.</p><p>Nacho nods thoughtfully from where he is pressed into the wooden framing, his stern face pinched as he wracks his brain on how to secure the property as their home.</p><p>“Since monthly rent is lower because of the drug arrests, we can offer say $100 higher than she’s asking?”</p><p>“Right, but, you like it too? You’re not just trying to make me happy?”, Kim’s emotionally exhausted by her admission and not against him being openly chivalrous; she’s not ready to admit it, though.</p><p>“I really like it. It’s like… my apartment, but with more character and feels lived in. Like it’s actually a home to whoever lives here.”</p><p>Kim almost wants to weep at that description; her train of thought when taking in the place earlier had been similar.</p><p>“Okay, uh, let’s make our offer to Sophia, give her our new numbers, and… I don’t know! Find something to do here for a bit before catching the ferry at sunset.”, Kim can’t keep the happy stutter out of her voice.</p><p>“The open house you found at those condos? They’re giving out free wine and hors d’oeuvre.”, Nacho sounds almost proud of himself for nailing the pronunciation and knowing that when she didn’t.</p><p>Kim smirks her agreement at the tile and squeezes through the sliding door when he steps back. Right after she steps over the threshold, Nacho gently stops her by holding onto her free wrist. Kim readily turns back to him, almost chest-to-chest as she looks up expectantly. His eyes linger pointedly on the king bed before he blinks back down at her.</p><p>The kiss is chaste, only a gentle reminder that neither of them are alone in the face of their demons. Anything more intense would be too much for their raw emotions to reign in right now. The last thing either of them need to do is get caught up in the moment and fuck on the bed four feet above the owner’s head.</p><p>Sophia smiles at their proposal and promises to call them at the end of the week after she does one last walkthrough with another couple. Nacho drives them to Wharf Street in downtown. They pay to park harborside by a seaplane terminal and walk leisurely north towards the condominium complex they’ll be dropping by, mainly for free cheese and wine, they decide.</p><p>Kim’s just finished her second glass of sauvignon blanc and is spinning a tale of how she hurt her arm to the realtor when their burner phone rings. Nacho tears his eyes from her begrudgingly to answer it.</p><p>“Hey, Mike.”, he smirks into the receiver.</p><p>“You’re having a nice day, I see. Good, that makes two of us.”</p><p>“I’ll be able to drive there with your money in the next two weeks. Any other requests?”</p><p>“Yeah, uh, if it’s not too much trouble and if the house isn’t closed off… if you could get some of the pictures and photo albums from my dad’s place.”</p><p>“Done. You two picked a place to settle down yet?”, Mike continues, not skipping a beat.</p><p>“Victoria. Vancouver Island. Eloise is negotiating the price of our apartment as we speak.”, Nacho supplies, thankful they moved on to another topic.</p><p>“Mmmhmm. Can you get her attention for me please?”, he drawls.</p><p>“Eloise, it’s your dad!”, Nacho interrupts her animated retelling of getting bucked from a horse. When she takes the phone from his hand, she snatches the half-filled wine glass from her.</p><p>“Hey, dad.”, Kim greets once she’s schooled her voice and tamed her smile.</p><p>As she listens to Mike, any lingering contentment drops from her face.</p><p>“Okay. I will. No, I don’t need anything, thank you. We will.”, she answers in a dead tone. She hangs up and turns back to Nacho.</p><p>“He said he’ll call with updates and let him know of our permanent address, ASAP. You ready to go?”</p><p>“Yeah, one sec.”, Nacho downs the rest of the wine to cover up his surprise at the 180 her mood has done.</p><p>They politely excuse themselves and head back to the car. Kim looks out at the harbor for the entire walk, her mouth a thin line. She doesn’t speak until they’re loading onto the ferry back to Vancouver, and that’s only because the phone rings again, announcing the call from Jimmy she’s been dreading. If only the signal was blocked by the material of the boat or he had at least waited until they were allowed to the upper decks to call.</p><p>Luckily, right as she answers the phone, Nacho gets out to sit on the hood and afford her some privacy. Thank god, because she’d probably lose the nerve to say what she needs to if those intense brown eyes were anywhere in her line of sight.</p><p>“Kim?”, he breathes out weakly, just as shaken by her pause as she is.</p><p>“Hi, Jimmy…”, she rasps.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>
  <em>“You, my man, have a type!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nacho stares back at the hallucination of Lalo sprawled across the king bed in the loft, the scarred brow quirked in response to that signature amused grin. He waits for him to finish whatever he’s writing down and get on with it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay, so in the middle of the venn diagram of Mrs. Goodman and the crackhead I walked in on you going down on…”, he booms while pointing to the part of the drawing in question.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“… share the following traits: brunette, emotionally-unavailable, daddy iss- well, mommy issues for Mrs. Goodman, on the taller side, and lastly, infertile! I thought you were turning over a new leaf, Nachito!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nacho leans against the wall and only smirks at the inaccuracy of the last attribute. He knows not to rise to the bait. Lalo doesn’t wait for him to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I mean granted, she’s uppity because of that fancy college degree of hers…”, Dream-Lalo smacks himself comically on the forehead and tosses the drawing he made off to the side.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hey, man, genuinely, between you and me, where did you get the cojones to think you’re good enough for her? You’re a high school dropout who deals drugs and fucks men. At least that spineless lawyer wasn’t a queer and has held a real job for the last twenty years...”</em>
</p><p>This caricature of Lalo that barks out Nacho’s deepest insecurities and lives in his mind rent free continues to degrade him. Nacho blinks as he takes in other aspects of the room until the voice fades away. Lalo’s beginning to turn translucent when Kim’s sniffles announce her approach as she climbs the stairs.</p><p>“I can’t wait to get picked apart by a psychiatrist if it means these little visits will became less frequent.”, he deadpans to the empty bed.</p><p>He turns to see Kim glance in the direction of the bed, but she doesn’t comment on the fact that he was clearly talking to himself just now. It seems this is the pattern they are most comfortable with; observing each other’s little lapses in reality, but never drawing attention to it or calling the other out.</p><p>Until it isn’t.</p><p>About a month later, they’re moved into the townhouse and Kim’s found a job as a bartender. Nacho acted his ass off as her second reference from the accounting firm in Winnipeg she put on her resume. Despite her lack of service industry experience, the glowing reviews from him and Sophia and the fact that Kim’s not a college student get her hired. She starts a week later, using the fact that they just moved and need to get settled in to give her shoulder more time to rest. She makes a decent hourly wage and because Darcy’s is a popular bar with both college students and older patrons, the bar staff make a lot in tips as well.</p><p>The biggest plus, of course, is the company’s health insurance.</p><p>During one of her noon to seven shifts at the pub, Nacho stops by to have lunch with her and mooch off their internet. He sits at the end of the wrap around bar closest to the kitchen, scrolling through the computer with his chin propped in his palm. He’s been doing research, like she suggested, on the kind of government financial aid he can get as a minority. The most lucrative path he can take is opening a small business.</p><p>The how isn’t the biggest question for Nacho; Mike was able to smuggle him $170,000 of his abandoned money (minus the five grand he gave back to Kim) and Canada is more than happy to cut him as many breaks as possible.</p><p>It’s the why and the what that he’s stuck on…</p><p>He lifts his head and relaxes his face when he catches a glimpse of Kim’s red flannel work shirt whizz by. She drops off drinks to her other bar guests before returning to him in the back. He meets her smile with one of his own when it occurs to him that she gets to wear red lipstick and dress like a fashionable lumberjack for work.</p><p>“Sorry, there was a random pop and the hostess was in the bathroom. Camilla, my coworker, is going to take the next two tables that come in.”, she laughs as she sets their plates down.</p><p>“They should be good for a bit, though. Uh, you want a beer? Still trying new things?”</p><p>“I think – ooooooh wow. Spiced chestnut ale sounds interesting.”, Nacho decides after scanning the draught options.</p><p>He’s not a fan of the beer so Kim alternates sipping it with him. They banter and slowly pick away at the fish n’ chips, trying to draw out Kim’s lunch break. Nacho pretends not to notice Kim’s coworker smiling at them from around the corner.</p><p>“Don’t forget your tip.”, he says as Kim stacks the dishes.</p><p>“What? Babe, you don’t ha-“</p><p>Nacho puts a hand behind her neck and leans in to kiss her over the bar. He licks into her mouth just once before sitting back down.</p><p>“Best tip ever.”, she deadpans, only the slight quirk up of the corners of her mouth betraying her tone. The other bartender, Camilla, drops off a handful of napkins and a cocktail glass of water in front of Nacho without a word.</p><p>He’s loading his laptop back into its bag and wiping at the lipstick on his face a second time when Kim gets his attention again with a rapping sound on the bar. She’s tapping the business card of a psychiatrist on the wood and slides it over to him when he looks up.</p><p>“I told my boss a very edited version of our story and they said your sessions can be covered by my plan. This doctor she recommended specializes in people who’ve been in same-sex relationships… you know, if you don’t think you can talk to me about some of it.”, she lowers her voice for the last sentence.</p><p>Nacho’s so dumbfounded by the gesture. He’d been talking shit to himself when he made that crack about getting therapy during the walkthrough. When Kim came upstairs and didn’t address his weird behavior, he assumed that was the end of it. Now, Nacho can only mutter a numb thanks and take the card as he heads out, promising to pick her up at seven.</p><p>Kim thinks she blew it for a while. Sure, he’s back to interacting with her in the same way when he gets her after work and even takes a less than professional shower with her before bed. But he doesn’t bring up the therapist or setting up an appointment for another week at least.</p><p>Until he does.</p><p>Her cellphone rings with an hour left in her shift and she only picks up because Nacho is the only person it could be. She hides the walk-in to take the call.</p><p>“Are you comfortable driving the car home? You think you got it down?”</p><p>“Yeah, why? You okay?”</p><p>“I – uh… I just got out of a session with that psychiatrist and… I just need to think. I was going to park the car across from Darcy’s and just walk to Beacon Hill and maybe run… I don’t know, I just can’t sit still. I need to think…”</p><p>His anxiety is practically radiating through the headset. Kim’s already pushing her way out of the freezer.</p><p>“Where are you? Are you okay?”</p><p>“I’m parked outside already.”</p><p>She almost runs out the front door to find him, leaned against the passenger door with his forearms folded on the roof. The brief irrational thought that what he “needs to think about” is moving out because she drove him away is dashed when Nacho pushes off the car to hug her into his chest. Before she takes the keys, Kim makes him promise that he’s okay and he’ll call her if he needs anything at all.</p><p>“Si, señora.”, he whispers into her lips after he kisses her goodbye.</p><p>Somehow, Kim gets through the last leg of her shift without obsessively checking her phone. She bites her lip and turns left towards their house instead of right toward the park Nacho said he’d be walking at. She wills herself to go about her nightly routine, changing into an oversized shirt and shorts while throwing together a big salad and half-listening to Olympics coverage on CBC.</p><p>It sucks, it stings, but all she can do is wait. Just like Nacho has been giving her space and respecting her own path to figure out what the hell to make of her life now, she’s got to do the same for him. He’s already taken a huge step by even going to the therapist; she can’t crowd him now.</p><p>When the urge to run down to the park in search of him isn’t banished by focusing on a men’s volleyball match, Kim accepts that she must move onto more drastic measures. Throwing the salad in the fridge, she snatches up her crumpled-up box of cigarettes from the counter and heads to their balcony, swearing under her breath with each step.</p><p>It's just past eight. There’s three cigarettes left. If he’s not back by the time she smokes the all of them, she’s driving Beacon Hill Park to find him and hug him.</p><p>Right as she’s about to light the last one, a key scrapes in the lock downstairs and the front door opens. Kim leans over in the patio chair to gasp a sob into her hands now that her paranoia has been disproved and can no longer wreak havoc on her brain.</p><p>“Up here!”, she calls into the foyer after a beat to catch her breath.</p><p>He doesn’t reply, but she can faintly make out the cabinets opening and closing over the commentators on TV. Nacho climbs the stairs slowly and Kim can’t resist pitching forward in the wooden chair to be able to see him round the corner. He’s sweaty and sipping a glass of water.</p><p>“Do you understand volleyball?”, he asks while toeing his shoes off. She chuckles at the random question and takes a moment to light the final cigarette.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, it’s easier to explain while watching an actual match, though.”</p><p>“Lucky us, there’s one on downstairs.”</p><p>Nacho brushes her off when she tries to offer her seat in the lawn chair to him. He gladly accepts the cigarette as he sits down next to her.</p><p>“I’m quitting so that’s the last one you get to bum off me.”, she explains with pride in her chest.</p><p>He offers up a sad but genuine smile at her declaration. Content silence falls over them and they watch the sky change colors as sunset creeps closer.</p><p>“Did, uh, you work through whatever you needed to think about?”, Kim fishes awkwardly. He takes a long puff from the cigarette before answering.</p><p>“I chipped away at it. Mainly, I just wanted to finish crying alone.”</p><p>He was going to leave it at that, but decides to continue when Kim tents her knees up and hugs them.</p><p>“Hispanics don’t believe in therapy. My dad was no exception. I knew I was making terrible choices and my relationships were just as terrible but… slowing down and thinking about it all with the doctor… holy shit.”</p><p>“I was trying to help.”, Kim mutters dejectedly, furious with herself that her suggestion may have driven him to yet another low point.</p><p>“You did. He did. I didn’t know there were terms for all this stuff.”</p><p>“What’d you tell him?”</p><p>“I tweaked some details and didn’t say anything incriminating about you, but mainly the truth. You know, mom died, got into crime to support my dad, he pushes me away for it, I keep getting deeper and deeper in the game with the reason I got into it hating me more and more…”</p><p>He shudders and takes a puff before continuing. Kim’s unwound her body and is listening with bated breath, not caring if this is meant for her to hear or just him unloading his thoughts into the sunset.</p><p>“When we got to Lalo and the girls, that was the topic for a while. I talked about how those relationships worked, learned some new terminology… uh, codependent and parasitic are the ones that stuck with me. To end things on a cheerful note, I talked about you. Good things though, don’t worry.”, he reassures her when her eyebrows shoot up toward her hairline.</p><p>“Like?”</p><p>“Um, of course, that we meet at a Linkin Park concert…”</p><p>That triggers a laugh from Kim. Nacho continues after grinding out the cigarette with his glass of water and leaning back into the sliding door.</p><p>“No, just mainly your personality and how it’s like mine. We’re both patient and think things through rationally but are secretly caring. Like even though they did very little for me and Lalo wanted them gone, I wouldn’t kick Amber and Jo out. They’d just end up homeless or with someone worse. And how you’ve been with me when I was out of it…”</p><p>Nacho finally looks up at her to see her taking in every word, head rested in her folded arms on the armrest. Seven weeks in and the depths of himself that he’s willing to show to Kim still amaze her.</p><p>“He thinks we’re a good match. This thing we’re doing is the most normal relationship I’ve ever been in.”</p><p>“I think… me, too.”, Kim breathes out following a short pause.</p><p>“I don’t think it’s sad, or anything. I like you, you know.”, Nacho volunteers, smiling at the thought of saying this to her back when they first met.</p><p>“I like you too.”, she whispers into her arms. “Do you like you, though?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m getting there. The problem is, I can’t just be ‘Martin’ and leave ‘Ignacio’ and everything I did behind, though… That means pretending mama and papa didn’t exist.”, a pause to rub in between his brows. “I can accept that my relationship with Lalo lead to my father’s murder if it means he and mama can still be a part of my life now.”</p><p>He barely finishes his declaration when Kim’s up from the chair and tackling him in a bear hug. She knocks him flat on his back, the track of the sliding door digging into the base of his spine. Somehow the glass doesn’t shatter when he drops it in lieu of returning her aggressive embrace.</p><p>Nacho starts to open his mouth to comment on how impressive it is that she cleared the armrest or crack a joke about how he smells disgusting and needs to shower. Then, he hears her sniffle into his sweaty shirt and realizes how happy she is for him. With a content sigh, he relaxes into the carpet and watches the sunset over Kim’s heaving shoulder.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fuck, Lalo is so damn fun to write. Why did I shoot him in the face so earlyyyyyyy?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. We Will Never Be the Same Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kim decides what her role her past will play in her future. Nacho takes small steps until he decides to take a running leap.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You guys. I love these characters so much and I want to do them justice. This took me so long to write because of that. Please enjoy!</p><p>The italiacs indicate scenes that occur in the past from August of 2004 to January of 2005. The final section is in the "present" of March 2005.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Perry Trivedi: <em>What brought you here?</em></p>
  <p>Kim Wexler: <em>I guess... one day I just looked around at my life and who I was and realizing if I kept going where I was going-</em></p>
  <p>Rich Schweikart: <em>Which way was that?</em></p>
  <p>Kim Wexler: <em>Best case, probably married to the guy that ran the town gas station. Maybe cashiering down at the Hinky Dinky, the town supermarket. I just wanted something else.</em></p>
  <p>Rich Schweikart: <em>What did you want?</em></p>
  <p>Kim Wexler: <em>[pause] More.</em></p>
  <p> </p>
</blockquote><p>She wants more.</p><p>Kim doesn’t want to live a life of obscurity, locked away from the world and constantly fearing discovery. No, she wants to rebuild, restart with the privilege of hindsight. But not as Kim Wexler, wife of Jimmy McGill, child neglect survivor, crooked lawyer, and accidental killer. While she didn’t choose to leave her husband in the United States, she can willingly abandon all her other unsavory attributes with him. With her mother.</p><p>For so long, the actions and the predispositions of others controlled her fate… most notably, her own tendencies. Control of that variable is crucial to ensuring this reboot isn’t all for nothing.</p><p>She wants more from herself and she first realizes it on the ferry back to Vancouver. When she blinks before answering Jimmy, Kim can still see the leisurely form of Nacho leaning on the hood of the car on the inside of her eyelids.</p><p>
  <em>“Kim?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hi, Jimmy...”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know that this situation is hard, for the both of us,”, Jimmy starts after an awkward pause. “But, avoiding and ignoring me is making it that much harder.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kim gulps at the barely contained rawness and heartbreak in his voice.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I know. I just think the sooner we accept this is over and move on, the better. I’m sorry I expediated the process, but we had a good run. Being married for a month is a personal best for me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He bristles at her attempt at a joke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I had a hand in this too, you know. There are things I did to force your involvement and set you on this path. More often than not, I was bad for you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I was bad for myself, Jimmy. You just brought some of those tendencies to the surface, and I decided to act on them. I really should be thanking you for bringing out just how destructive I can be. I know what to watch for and I won’t make the same mistakes now-”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“With Nacho?”, he interrupts her sharply.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I hope so. We’ll see.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Again, he’s unnerved by her negative retrospection.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kim, you should not have to change for him. I love you for who you are, as is, no restrictions app-”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Do you?”, she cuts him off skeptically. “I know at least a part of me scares you. I saw it in your eyes at the hotel. It scares me too, Jimmy.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t have a rebuttal for her insight.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I killed Howard. Whatever issues we had with him, he didn’t deserve what I did. He’s dead because he warned me about you and I was so insulted by it that I couldn’t let it go. Tell me that’s not scary, Jimmy.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He seems to be pausing to consider her analysis, waiting for her to continue. She does, now fully focused on Nacho’s movements on the other side of the windshield from her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If you think I’m the only one making adjustments and doing soul-searching, you’re mistaken. Nacho’s already started to change for the better, and he sure as hell isn’t doing it to please me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As she says it, Nacho looks down at his leather bracelet the way she caught him staring at her razor in the shower a few nights ago. She realizes after a beat Jimmy has started talking again on the other end of the line.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can’t fix him with hugs and love, Kim. He’s ten times the criminal you and I ever were. He was basically Lalo Salamanca’s equal and killed for the cartel. Nacho’s bad news, Kim, I don’t care what he did for you in Wyoming.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>While Kim knows it’s not her place to out Nacho’s intimate relationship with Lalo and the brutality the man in question inflicted upon him, she knows there’s other merits she can defend him on.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Jimmy, he’s killed exactly one person, so he’s just as dangerous as me. Furthermore, he was blackmailed into doing a lot of those things to ensure his father’s survival. He’s not the person you think he was three years ago.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What is this ‘oh, I can fix him!’ bullshit you’re spouting?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m not fixing anybody other than myself, Jimmy.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“People don’t just up and change like that Kim. Not you and especially not him, he’s –“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For once, Kim let’s her visceral reaction to his words erupt out of her unchecked.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You sound just like your brother.”, she snarls.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He has to collect himself after that. Her voice raised to almost a yell. Even Nacho turns his torso to look back at her, brows furrowed in concern.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kim, I love you.”, comes his last desperate attempt to reel her back in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“A part of me loves you too Jimmy, but I don’t want to stay so attached to that part anymore. I’ll call on your birthday, okay?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her eyes stay locked with Nacho’s for the entirety of her dismissal of Jimmy. Earlier she had been worried the intensity of his stare would render her mute; now she knows it was the only reason she was able to deliver the fatal blow to her and Jimmy’s relationship.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>-----</strong>
</p><p>She wants more.</p><p>The errs of Kim Wexler may deserve to simply be filed away for future reference, but at the same time, she wants to immortalize this new, improved version of herself.</p><p>Her transition manifested in minor ways like changing how she styles her hair and makeup, at first. Then she took another uncharacteristic leap into a profession she’s way overqualified for. The risk she took is quickly substantiated when she finds a kindred spirit in Camilla, another thirty-something bartender starting over and trying to find happiness with a less complex life; she packed up and drove cross-country from Toronto as soon as the divorce with her abusive husband was finalized.</p><p>The laidback atmosphere of her new workplace and Camilla’s openness towards her and Nacho cracks through Kim’s hard exterior and plants a seed in her mind. Maybe she’s not doomed to be emotionally distant and overly cautious of her peers, waiting for them to stab her in the back for the most minor of transgressions. It’s possible that that every environment she put herself in trying to escape her mother was just as conducive to that kind of behavior.</p><p>As Kim, she was hard wired to survive. As Eloise, she can just thrive.</p><p>As Kim, her focus was getting from one point to another as efficiently as possible. As Eloise, she enjoys the scenery in the process.</p><p>As Kim, she’d would struggle to admit that someone other than herself inspired or motivated her to make this change.</p><p>As Eloise, she’s not ashamed to admit that Nacho helped solidify her decision.</p><p>
  <em>She knows that he can’t be comfortable underneath her, trapped in her death grip and sprawled half inside their bedroom. But Nacho returns her embrace with one arm and rests the other hand on the back of her head. He rubs his thumb across the nape of Kim’s neck and just talks. It’s the reverence in his voice as he talks about what good people his parents were that nudges her to the precipice. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She can’t say anything remotely similar about her own family, or even feel that continuing to tie her identity with her mother is worth any mental anguish. Nacho divulges that he’s willing to weather the hallucinations of Lalo that his psyche frequently manifests, to literally be haunted by his past. He’ll do anything to continue to hold on to the part of him that’s linked to his mother and father, and Kim realizes she has no reason to do the same. She finally eases off of Nacho to let him change and shower, hanging out at the vanity to paint her own nails. It’s a pretty sloppy attempt at a manicure, since only nail techs and Jimmy have ever really done this for her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kim’s frowning down at the black polish smeared on her cuticles of her left hand. Painting with her dominant hand did nothing for her confidence. She’s trying to dab at the skin with acetone-soaked cotton ball when Nacho steps out of the shower. He wordlessly throws on leggings and a t-shirt before reaching into the medicine cabinet and approaching her. She starts slightly when he begins rubbing at the stains with a doused Q-tip in precise lines.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Thanks, I uh, obviously, don’t do this for myself very often.”, she explains sheepishly while turning towards him and relaxing her hand in his grip.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What prompted this, then?”, he asks, ever so perceptive of the significance of any change in her mannerisms. She sighs, watching him repaint over spots where he accidentally rubbed against the nail for a moment before speaking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Back in there, when you talked about how much your past still means to you, it got me thinking about my own. Half the time, I was having to parent and baby my own mother. My whole existence revolved around her, even after I got out of that house. There’s really no silver lining for me to hold to much of it, other than for reference of what not to do.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She catches him glancing over at the jewelry stand off to the side of the sink before recapping the bottle of nail polish. Her breath hitches as Nacho lifts her hand towards his face and begins blowing across the nail of her index finger, as if that’ll really speed up the drying process.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“If you try to completely forget where you came from, that could just create a whole new set of problems.”, he supplies thoughtfully.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s not like I’m going to pretend I materialized here last month. I just… I like that the work I do now isn’t cutthroat and the worst thing I deal with is underage college students with fake IDs or changing a keg in the middle of a rush. I like who I work with and that I can get close to them without them potentially stabbing me in the back. There’s so many things I can do now that I never got to do in college ten years ago. Nacho, I never went clubbing because I was so afraid of ruining my one chance to make something of my life and get away from my mother. I’m going to my first girls’ night next week!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She reigns in her giddiness and takes a breath as Nacho regards her, biting his lip to keep from smiling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I feel like… I actually have control over my life and who I am now, and I like who I can be as Eloise. I want to be just her.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Can I say goodbye to Kim, first?”, he whispers without any hesitation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn’t nod. She wordlessly unclasps her nose ring, setting it on the stand that holds her wedding ring and Nacho’s intricately carved leather bracelet before crashing her lips to his. His hands cup her bottom as he kisses her back. Her arms wind around his neck when he lifts her up and walks them to their bed. She sighs underneath him as he caresses her body with his whispered devotions and tender kisses through scratchy stubble.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Afterwards, Eloise leans back into Nacho’s chest as he paints the nails of her right hand, both of them still naked amongst the haphazardly arranged sheets.</em>
</p><p>-----</p><p>She wants more. From Nacho.</p><p>Eloise has her doubts at first. Maybe she’s just too caught up in the façade they put on for their neighbors and friends. But the moments where her heart swells at his gradual growth or thoughtful gestures have become more frequent and intense over these few months. To the point where she knows this isn’t a pretense for either of them anymore.</p><p>She knows when she comes home in the evening to him sewing her another shirt for work on the hand-me-down Bernina he bought that day. Before coming to bed that night, he begins carefully embroidering a version of an old family portrait that Mike salvaged for him. Eloise frames it and sets it proudly on the coffee table.</p><p>She knows on a lazy Sunday morning spent sipping coffee on the bedroom balcony. Nacho brings her a second cup and asks if she has work that day. When she says no, he asks her to come with him to Washington. The westernmost point in the United States is a small forested island assessable by a land bridge at low tide; it’s little more than an hour away from the ferry depot in Port Angeles. His dad had always talked about buying a cabin near Cape Avala in retirement and getting healthier by hiking to and from this island to start his mornings. Nacho’s pleasant demeanor retracts as they reach the above water the rocky isthmus of the cape. He says nothing for the entire trek and circumnavigation; Eloise takes in crashing waves against the cliffsides and surrounding flora for the duration of their peaceful silence.</p><p>Halfway up the trail back to the Camaro, Nacho finally speaks again, commenting that the far side of the island would be the perfect final resting place for his dad once he has his ashes.</p><p>She knows when he picks her up from work to take her to a commercial property that’s on the west side of town. At her confused look following his walkthrough, he tells her he’s chosen what business he wants to open; an auto and home upholstery shop. Eloise is transfixed by the nervous smile that conflicts with his relaxed posture as he tries to sell her on why this is the perfect decision.</p><p>
  <em>“The asking price has dropped by 50 grand. The location is convenient, and the décor is neutral enough for us to add our own style to it. I’ve checked around, other upholstery places around here don’t have the best reputation so we can really set ourselves apart. And it’s important to diversify, that why I’ll do more than just cars…”</em>
</p><p>That surge of happiness is most intense for her when Nacho starts to smile more. Her explosion of enthusiasm at his first step to actually open a business seemed to kickstart that trend. The smirk that spread across his face when she sweet talks him into going out on the town for his birthday is her favorite so far. Of course, she had to work him up to that point, but it was all worth it.</p><p>
  <em>Nacho’s clearing off his work area after staying well after business hours to complete and add the finishing touches to his upholstery jobs for the week. He’d insisted she could go home and he’ll call her to pick him up once the pieces are done, racked with guilt that he couldn’t afford to pay her for running reception after her bar shift. Eloise, determined to get ahead on their invoices and balance expenses, ignored his hints to rest and set up in the office.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Okay, all done. Let’s grab some dinner.”, Nacho calls to her as he rounds into the office, jingling his keys like he would for a cat. The lights are already off and the space is illuminated by a lone candle atop the cupcake in Eloise’s hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Happy birthday, Ignacio.”, she whispers, and it’s then he realizes her hair is loose from her braid. Eloise has yet to get a haircut since they arrived; it cascades in waves almost halfway down her back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I haven’t had cake for my birthday since I moved out from my dad’s. Not even for my 30<sup>th</sup>…”, he sounds thoughtful as he steps through the doorway, gripped by the cinnamon granules sprinkled on top.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, 32 is a milestone birthday, I hear. Make a wish.”, Eloise lifts the pastry up for emphasis. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He keeps eye contact as he blows out the candle. It doesn’t break as they quietly split the tres leches cupcake in the dark, her knees a hair away from the tops of his thighs from where she’s sitting on the (cleared off) desk. Nacho sets the wrapper aside once they’re finished and turns on the lamp next to it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Is this why you wore a skirt to work in December?”, he whispers while stepping between her legs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Can you blame me? My boss is really cute and I wanted to get his attention.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When they’ve finished, she sheepishly suggests getting drinks and dinner with Camilla, and her boyfriend; she’s the only other bartender that’s their age and Nacho likes her well enough. His beard scrapes across her chest as he smiles and nods his agreement at the idea. The following night is a success and he’s the one to agree to go with the couple to Vancouver for a New Year’s Eve party. Eloise’s cheeks hurt from smiling at his eagerness and she barely manages to nod her assent to these plans. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s well past midnight on the first day of 2005 before they stumble back to the hotel room. Eloise trips into the bed as she tries to kick her shoes off and erupts into a fit of laughter, realizing this is the first year she’s started off this happy in a very long time. Right when she gets a hold of herself enough to sit up and shimmy out of her jacket and pants, Nacho casually strolls out from the bathroom, naked except for a party hat and sipping a small bottle of Prosecco.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Hey, uh, Martin, babe… that’s supposed to – to be worn on your head.”, she chokes out in between chortles, gesturing towards his groin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He feigns a thoughtful look down at where she’s pointing. The second drink Nacho takes from the bottle is clearly to buy himself more time to school his face.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That, technically, is my head.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He barely gets the last word out before having to turn rapidly to the side to keep from wheezing laughing in her face. His knees almost give out when she one ups him by blowing into a noisemaker from the party. </em>
</p><p>The way they spend the remainder of that morning, curled together under the comforter with their limbs entangled, makes it undeniable. This isn’t a façade. They’re more than oddly paired roommates, fast friends and fuck buddies. Everything about the way they act with each other screams that there’s more going on.</p><p>But old habits die hard. Putting her feelings into words has always been challenging for her and focusing her determination on adjusting can only slowly chip away at deeper rooted issues like this. It’s taken this long to admit it to herself, who knows how much longer it’ll be until she’s ready to tell Nacho.</p><p>However, it may not matter in the long run when the timing is best for her.</p><p>X-----X-----X</p><p>In western Canada, winter departs far sooner than all other parts of the country. They see a few dustings of snow in December and January and the average daily temperature is above freezing by the end of February. In mid-March, the weather toes the line between chilly and cool, depending on how sunny it is outside. Even so, it’s by no means warm enough to justify Nacho opting to balance their business expenses in a tight short sleeved blazer and black jeans out on the patio. He mutters a half-hearted ‘thank you’ with his eyes still focused on his calculations as Eloise sets down the cup of hot coffee he asked for.</p><p>“I can see your breath and your knee is bouncing. Are you ready to admit it’s cold out here.”, she teases while offering him her scarf.</p><p>“I never said it wasn’t.”, he corrects as he takes it. “I need my sun though. Can’t let myself get pasty like all the gringos on this island.”</p><p>She chuckles at his jab, faltering briefly when he finally flicks his eyes up at her. Maybe Nacho has a point about being outside so much, even through the winter months. He looks so healthy, a far cry from the battered shell of a person she helped the vet piece back together last July. His cheeks are a tad less delineated and his hair has grown just enough that he no longer needs to wear beanies for warmth. His skin is glowing too, and she thinks it’s made the brown in his eyes a tad lighter, maximizing their intensity.</p><p>Eloise likes the change in his eyes the most. That’s how she knows for certain that he’s happier.</p><p>“If you have time, I just want to make sure I did all of this right…”, his tapping of the pencil on the legal pad pulls her out of her reverie.</p><p>Nacho’s already chewing on his thumbnail and scanning the spreadsheet before him, unaware of her own brief break from reality. No matter how many times she tells him it’s of no consequence, he still feels guilty that she’s been basically the business’s accountant for free. She leans over his shoulder to scrutinize his math after glancing at restaurant to make sure no more patrons have come in. Her eyes widen as she flicks them back and forth between the categories of the spreadsheets and his calculations.</p><p>“I worked reception all the third week of February, not Sophia’s daughter. Your wage expenses category is overinflated.”</p><p>Nacho blinks rapidly as he mentally figures out how much to subtract from the total of that column. He erases what he needs to and starts adding all over again.</p><p>“Anything else look off?”, he asks in the midst of scribbling away.</p><p>“No…”, Eloise is hovering closer to the screen as she double-checks, her hand squeezing Nacho’s knee just a tad tighter with each column that passes her inspection.</p><p>“Ignacio, what’s the new net revenue?”, she whispers.</p><p>“We… lost 97 dollars.”</p><p>“For the whole month of February? Including your visible minority stipend?”</p><p>“Wait, no… did – did I technically turn a profit?”, Nacho rasps in disbelief. He manages to set the pencil down calmly on the notepad despite the shaking of his hand.</p><p>“Yes. How many orders do you have so far for March?”</p><p>“Let me check… on par with last month. I don’t know off the top of my head if they’re bigger jobs, though.”, the excitement steadily creeps into his voice as he checks his catalog of orders. She presses a kiss into his temple.</p><p>“Most businesses take at least a year to break even. You’re on par to do just that, maybe even sooner.”</p><p>“We. You’re a huge part of this too, Eloise.”</p><p>He’s staring intently up at her as he says it.</p><p>“I’m able to compensate you for your time now, so that’s the first thing any profit is going to. Then we should hire another upholsterer to help with all these orders… start advertising on TV, give Mariah more hours…”</p><p>“First and foremost, let’s celebrate.”, her suggestion jolts him out of his business-like headspace. He relaxes further at the pride he sees swimming in Eloise’s eyes.</p><p>“I have an idea for that. I’ll show you when we get home.”</p><p>Her heart drums with excitement and quickly turns back toward the bar to hide her giddy grin. Her relief for the evening shift comes in early and she leaps at the opportunity to leave sooner. She’s flung herself into the passenger seat of the Camaro and buckled in before Nacho looks up from gazing out at the harbor. He leads her up to their loft suite, moving some clothes out of the way to uncover the sewing mannequin and stand he bought with the machine from the nook in the back.</p><p>On it, is a lovely black dress. It’s sleeveless and the hem falls right at knee-length. The slit of the skirt and the plunging necklines in the front and back are embroidered with a matching black fringe. The satin and lace material are soothing beneath her fingertips. Without twirling movements that draw attention to the flowing trim, it could almost be a dress to wear to work at H.H.M.</p><p>“You made this?”, Eloise asks, dumbfounded.</p><p>“I followed a pattern. My mom made her own dresses most of the time.”, he explains while checking the hems and linings.</p><p>“I have a good idea of your size, but I’ll need you to try it on before adjusting the fit. And if the plunge is too low, I can create a V neckline with some mesh material.”</p><p>She barely manages to stifle her emotions at this beautiful piece he’s created and ask what prompted this.</p><p>“I... this is incredible and so gorgeous, but… how does making me a dance dress count as celebrating?”</p><p>“There’s a ballroom dance company that hosts a mixed level dinner and dance class twice a month. I was hoping we’d make it to Latin night this time around.”</p><p>Eloise is sure she’s not being dramatic in saying her brain short-circuited at his explanation. He was asking her out on a date. He’d been planning for it and building up to it for months. He custom-made her an outfit to fit the occasion. She’s reeling now, acutely aware that the time for them to own their feelings is rapidly approaching. Nacho’s made the first move, clearly sure of himself and her reaction to him.</p><p>Until recently, Eloise might have shared his confidence. But she now has more to share with him than just her feelings.</p><p>“Is this because I told you I’ve never gone clubbing? You decided to finesse me with your superior dance moves?”, she manages to affect in a joking tone.</p><p>“To be fair, I haven’t practiced in over 15 years so I’m basically a beginner again. I made one for me too, don’t worry.”</p><p>Her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline and she demands he show her immediately. She’s sold once it’s clear that Nacho’s ensemble includes sleeves and won’t make him look like a male stripper.</p><p>The anticipation for the weekend almost eats Eloise alive; she can barely contain it around Camilla and has to pointedly not look at Nacho when she’s working at the shop. She even trades her usual noon shift for an opening one so she can be home by four and take her time getting ready. Making the dress solid black was a genius decision on Nacho’s part; it makes her red lipstick and gold jewelry stand out even more.</p><p>Nacho gets off from the shop later than planned and hurries into the bathroom to shower as she slips on her little heart nose ring. He stops in his tracks, blazer dropping from the crook of his elbow, and just takes her completed look in, entirely forgetting to breathe.</p><p>When he sheepishly clears his throat and stoops to pick up his jacket, Eloise realizes she had been frozen too with her hands clasped awkwardly in front of her abdomen.</p><p>Their dinner consists of Mexican seafood and two cocktails of choice. Nacho reassures her of its authenticity and that his mother from Oaxaca made dishes like this all the time, inadvertently piquing the interest of the others participating in the event. He smiles and lets loose as he tells stories from his childhood, not realizing that he’s drained both his and Eloise’s margaritas.</p><p>“Oh my god, why didn’t you say anything? I’m going to be tripping over my feet now.”</p><p>“Anything to make me look like the better dancer.”, she deflects smoothly. That prompts the group to break out in laughter and Nacho to squeeze her into his side.</p><p>He drinks about four glasses of water in the next hour in an attempt to sober up. Eloise takes measured sips of her own drink with a smug smirk on her face whenever she and Nacho lock eyes throughout the meal.</p><p>Despite their respective worries, they do well for the lesson. Nacho falls back into the Tango like it’s riding a bike after a few cued repetitions by the instructor. Eloise isn’t far behind, quickly mirroring her partner’s movements once she picks up on them; it feels eerily natural to be so in tune with his body that she can tell his posture just by how firm the muscle of his bicep is under her hand.</p><p>The evening goes longing than originally planned. The representatives from the dance company that lead the class are impressed with the both of them and invite them to a practice next week. Eloise agrees before they even get a time or a place for the rehearsal and she begs Nacho for the entire drive to dance more with her once they get home. He feigns a begrudging sigh while grabbing the stereo from behind the TV to play the practice music they were given before leaving. Eloise opens the balcony doors to light the “stage” with natural moonlight.</p><p>“Okay, so I get that it’s slow, slow, quick, quick, slow… but I am just trash at the transition to the other leg.”, she demonstrates while explaining what keeps tripping her up.</p><p>“First of all, you’re not even taking the leading step on the downbeat.”, Nacho laughs at her in a matter-of-fact tone of voice.</p><p>“What the hell is that? I just went when the instructor said…”</p><p>He gently maneuvers her back to their base position, clasped hands extended out towards the patio. As Nacho counts out the beat of the music and leads their movements, he keeps them both perfectly in step while explaining basic choreography terms. After a few 32-counts, she’s got it down and is practically leading them in their circle around the loft.</p><p>“There, see? You’re a natural!”, he praises while twirling her under his arm to finish the eight-count.</p><p>“I just needed it explained a different way.”, Eloise takes the compliment while offering him one of her own. Nacho tugs her towards him and she presses into his chest. They slowly in silence, paying no mind to the upbeat music coming from the stereo.</p><p>“I had a really good time tonight. I’m not gonna lie, I was kind of worried how this would go.”, Eloise offers up after a while, tightening her arms around his shoulders.</p><p>“Nah, I’d never plan a date that was intended to humiliate you.”, he does that cute overexaggerated frown that men sometimes do while reassuring her. He misinterprets her true meaning while conforming that he wants to court her. She gulps and draws back to better face him, hands sliding down his arms to grip just above his wrists.</p><p>It’s now or never.</p><p>“Our lease is up at the end of June.”, she blurts in that business-like tone that’s shaky from months of disuse. It softens even more when Nacho’s face falls imperceptibly at the bizarre statement.</p><p>“I know it’s a weird thing to bring up but there’s part of me that still needs to have plans months in advance. And, uh… just, do you still like me enough to want to keep living with me? Bec- because…”</p><p>Her face turns beet red as she tips her head towards the bed to clarify her definition of “living with” Nacho. He patiently waits for her to continue, thumbs stroking up and down her rib cage.</p><p>“Because I like you. A lot.”</p><p>He blinks back at her several times, no doubt caught off guard by her admission. They’re both creatures of subtly and small gestures, so him sharing that he was planning an elaborate date night was the most brazen thing either of them had ever done to label their relationship. The Kim part of her that’s ready to hold her head high in the face of defeat is clawing her way to the surface when she registers Nacho’s hands sliding up her torso. Eloise focuses on the feeling of his hands cupping her cheeks and watches him blink nervously and worry his lip before finally confessing something himself.</p><p>“I love you. All parts of you.”</p><p>He’s so serious when he says it that he almost looks sad. She sees her own fear of rejection at her honesty reflected in his features and there’s no stopping her now.</p><p>“I love you too, Ignacio.”, he’s pulling her face to his right in the middle of her saying his name.</p><p>It feels so good to say it. She finds herself genuinely thankful that his gestures forced her out of her comfort zone and into what may be a newer, better one. When they finally break apart, she presses her forehead into his shoulder, needing a respite before pressing on.</p><p>“Well, since we’re on a roll with being honest tonight…”, Eloise pauses to chuckle when Nacho snorts a laugh into her neck.</p><p>“I, uh… I’m pregnant.”</p><p>His entire body tenses involuntarily, enough for her to feel it. She presses on purely because she can’t see his face; what she’s just shared with him is about ten times more intense than confessing your feelings, and they barely just did that.</p><p>“I’m about a month along. Everything looks good so far, but I’m going to keep up the regular check-ups. My insurance will cover it and I’m in a high-risk group because of my age and the previous… termination.”</p><p>He relaxes briefly before squeezing her tight at the mention of her miscarriage. Once separated, he rubs his hands up and down her arms, not looking into her eyes. Eloise sets her jaw and digs deep within herself to emotionally prepare for his rejection.</p><p>“Look, if you don’t want to be involved, I understand.”, she snaps. “I won’t take you to court for child support or whatever. But, I’ve thought about it and maybe you need to as well, and I want to keep - ”</p><p>“I’m going to be a dad?”, he confirms cautiously, emerging from his moment of shellshock.</p><p>Eloise blinks rapidly in surprise before shakily nodding in confirmation. His muted sob that escapes through his smile is the all the warning she gets before he hugs her impossibly tight.</p><p>“I would always promise my dad to name one of my kids after him or mama to make up for how horrible of a son I was.”, he confesses into the crown of her head. His tears drip into her hair.</p><p>“Oh fuck, thank god.”, she deflates as she says it, the remnants of Kim’s terseness that she summoned from deep within rushing from her with a sob.</p><p>“Ignacio, had you said no… I don’t know what I’ve done. I need your help. I have no idea how to be a mother.”</p><p>He shushes her confession and begins swaying them to the forgotten music playing from the nightstand by their bed. Eloise’s sniffles subside and she wraps her arms tighter around his neck. Nacho fiddles with the fringe on her skirt and peppers kisses along her jawline.</p><p>“You’ll be great at it, I promise.”, he murmurs as she squeezes her tighter to him for emphasis. She crashes her lips to his with a whimper; Nacho vaguely wonders if he’ll ever get tired of Eloise smearing lipstick across his face as he lowers her onto their bed.</p><p>He reverently peels the dress off her and kisses down her body. She moans and presses her heels into his shoulders as he suckles her clit and crooks his fingers into her. Their eyes stay locked and Eloise’s nails press into the back of Nacho’s head as she comes on his tongue. She’s still trembling from her release when she manhandles Nacho out of his own clothing and up against the headboard. He smirks at her through lidded eyes when she throws her hair into a messy ponytail.</p><p>Eloise quirks her eyebrows smugly back up at him when she lowers onto her forearms and swallows his cock into her mouth. She kicks her feet leisurely in the air and massages the tops of his thighs in sync with her strokes. When he begins to shudder, Nacho plants his feet on either side of her abdomen and gently runs his fingers through her hair.</p><p>“I’m close, ven a mi, por favor.”, his rasp prompts Eloise to pitch forward to climb on top of him and meet him in a teeth-clacking kiss. He’s already sitting up to better meet her thrusts when she sinks down onto him.</p><p>One arm winds around her waist and the other fans across her abdomen while she rolls her hips into his. Nacho’s mouths at her throat once Eloise’s arms wrap around his head and neck. He slides the hand between them down to help her orgasm a second time when he begins to come undone himself. He arches into her as he comes, the moan he releases muted by her skin. They go back to lazily kissing as he strokes her to completion. Eloise shakily slides her legs into a more comfortable position but otherwise makes no move to get off of him.</p><p>Forehead to forehead, they catch their breath. Nacho cards a hand through her disaster of a ponytail and squeezes her impossibly closer to his chest with a forearm around her waist.</p><p>“I never thought I’d have children, either… didn’t think I’d live that long.”, he muses in between deep breaths. Sharing this thought prompts Eloise to spread her palms over his pecs and lay a kiss to the scar on his right shoulder.</p><p>“At least you know this isn’t the scariest thing that’ll ever happen to you.”, she pressed her lips to his after this declaration.</p><p>“The stories my dad told me about how I was as a kid make me doubt that.”, he explains when they separate.</p><p>“Such as?”</p><p>“He came home to the bloody aftermath of a lot of my afterschool activities. Like when I was eight and I flipped my bike trying to race Domingo down a steep hill… or when I pierced my ear with mama’s letter opener when I was 14.”</p><p>His confession is met with a burst of laughter and a barrage of questions from Eloise. Nacho’s face splits into a grin of his own as he dives into the story behind how he now knew how to safely pierce her nose.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Translation:</p><p>"Ven a mi, por favor." - Come to me, please.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14 Teaser/Updates</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hey, BCS fam, it's been a hot minute! I'm not abandoning this story and I actually have the last two chapters mapped out! These last few months have been insanely busy; I've started interviewing for grad school and now have three jobs. I'm literally typing this up in the passenger seat on the way to Louisiana to continue helping family clean up after Hurricanes Delta and Zeta.</p><p>In the meantime, here's a preview for Chapter 14.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re so good with her.”</p><p>Nacho looks up from their daughter and in the direction of that reverently whispered praise. At his furrowed brows, Eloise abandons the façade of detachment she was beginning to affect from her position in the doorway.</p><p>“So are you.”, he returns affectionately, the sincerity in his voice causing her eyes to glisten and to bite her lip. She uncrosses her arms and takes measured steps into the nursery when Michaela wriggles around in her father’s arms to lock her matching icy blue eyes with Eloise’s.</p><p>“She’s attached to you at the hip, though.”, she counters right when the baby reaches her tiny arms out to her mother as she approaches. Nacho supports the four-month-old easily with one arm to envelope her in the other.</p><p>“That’s just a little girl thing. They like to be with papa more, sometimes. I was the same with my mom.”</p><p>“It doesn’t help that I can’t even properly feed her…”</p><p>His embrace tightens around her as he fiercely presses kisses into the crown of her head. She blinks down at Michaela as she coos up at her.</p><p>“Stop. That’s not your fault. Nobody thinks less of you, especially not her.”</p><p>Every time she thinks she’s over this, the crushing sense of failure that enveloped Eloise when she learned that she wouldn’t be able to nurse their daughter manifests in new ways to torment her psyche. Originally, it was when she prepared the formula. Now, it’s any time Michaela seems to show preference to Nacho. The lingering bitterness in her gut for her own absentee parents begins to curdle at his relative ease in connecting with the baby.</p><p>“It’s supposed to be a special bond between the two of us and I want that for her do badly. I want her to have everything I didn’t.”</p><p>Michaela begins miming the soothing circles that Nacho is rubbing into her shoulder. Eloise cards hers fingers through the baby’s unruly dark hair. It’s too early to know if it will end up being as black as her father’s. Eloise can’t help but to flash her own smile back at her before her chin is tilted up. Nacho’s looking down at her so earnestly that the quip she had about the smear of lipstick just under his nose that he missed when cleaning up dries up on the tongue.</p><p>“She already does. You’re trying so hard.”</p><p>Eloise’s lips quirk frantically to keep a sob from escaping. Thankfully, he presses in to kiss her and she eagerly meets him halfway, her gasp releasing into his mouth.</p><p>“I love you both, so much.”, she proclaims when separating to address Michaela.</p><p>“I know.”, he sighs into her hair. “Me too, mis chicas…”</p><p>Eloise stoops to kiss their little one’s head, squeezing herself impossibly closer to Nacho without crushing her. It’s only because her lips are pressed into her hair that she feels Michaela turn her head and crane her head to look behind Nacho. She flicks her eyes up to see what had caught the baby’s attention through the curtain of her bangs.</p><p>“Hey, think she’ll have a little snack with us before we tuck her back in?”, she suggests when she looks back up. Nacho can’t help but smirk at the idea of holding her just a little bit longer.</p><p>“How’s that sound, amorcita? Baby’s first midnight snack?”, he teases down at her as they meander down the hall to the kitchen, Eloise lightly squeezing his waist.</p><p>When she parts from his side as they round the bar top, Nacho assumes it’s to grab a bottle for her formula. As he’s reaching one armed into the back of the fridge, the unmistakable sound their secret drawer being ripped open and a clip being loaded makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up.</p><p>“Eloise, what…?”, he whispers while shutting the door and twisting Michaela away from her mother.</p><p>Eloise loads and cocks the gun before looking up at Nacho to answer. The raw fury he sees in her eyes is does not fit with the cactus pajama set she's wearing. He startles and steps backwards.</p><p>“Get Michaela to safety. There was a man sitting in the rocking chair.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Happy Halloween! Feedback is always appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Feedback is always appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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